You Shouldn’t Let Anyone Live Rent-Free In Your Head.
Emancipate yourself from mental torture
“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.” — Ann Landers
Nursing resentment is the worst thing that could happen to anyone. Holding on to past wrongful actions of others is one of the surest ways to prevent yourself from having inner peace.
Agreed, it's perfectly normal to get angry. At some point, we may have lost our temper and gone off when someone or something made us upset. However, once we continue to harbour ill feelings and it grows to a point of deep-seated bitterness, it may bring us more harm than good.
We let people win when we give them the leeway to have so much influence over our emotions.
Ultimately, we are giving them power over us because we have allowed them control over how we feel and react.
Refusing to deal with unresolved anger or bitterness is like breeding a monster. When it reaches its full potential, it may become uncontrollable someday.
Resentment can occur in several forms. Some signs to look out for are:
- Feelings of deep regret;
- The inability to stop thinking about past actions of others and how much it hurt your feelings;
- Recurring feelings of anger, sadness, bitterness, revenge;
- Strained relationships;
- Feelings of inadequacy.
Here are some reasons why you shouldn’t bear resentment towards others:
1. Because positive energy is better than negative energy.
Picking negativity over positivity is a choice. This is why we need to consciously pick good choices that won’t lead to an emotional roller coaster.
With self-awareness comes the need to be careful with our thoughts so we don’t let in negative energy.
Apart from being intentional about the vibes around us, it’s advisable to pay attention to things and people that bring us happiness. No one has the power to rub you off your peace except you let them.
When someone does or says something hurtful, it can only go so far if you give no reaction to it. It’s great disservice to allow people’s actions and circumstances have power over you.
Be mindful of who you let in.
Hanging with the right crowd is usually a good recipe for better relationships and a healthy state of mind.
2. Taking charge of your emotions and reactions will give you more control over your life
For a long time, I had a lot of things renting space in my head. Friendships that didn’t work, things people did or didn’t do that hurt me, conversations that I couldn’t forget. It was a huge burden to bear because while it kept me angry, many of these people were unaware that their actions and inactions affected me.
Before I could experience total liberation, I demanded emotional and mental freedom from these things that weighed me down.
When we are in control of our actions, we will be more mindful about situations that could trigger us into exhibiting an emotional reaction.
If you don’t let go, you may have a hard time moving on.
As much as we have no control over what other people do or say, we can always teach ourselves to react differently. Remez Sasson, CEO of success consciousness, suggests mastering the principle of emotional detachment. Emotional detachment happens when we build inner strength and give no room for external opinions or conditions to affect us. Once this becomes our second nature, we will have fewer things to worry about.
The truth is, resentment is a powerful feeling. Once it takes over, it is hard to get over. Although, as long as you have opened the door to the heavy influence of resentment and bitterness, it could take a long time to clear it.
In most cases, all it takes is a conscious effort to leave the past as it is and move on. Once you are willing to process your feelings, it’s a good step in the right direction. Also, do not give room for unhealthy arguments, rivalry or competition.
Remember, People are only as powerful over you as you allow.
3. True forgiveness brings freedom and peace
Forgiveness is a process and if you want to move on from resentment, you have to be able to deal with your feelings first. You may have a lot to be angry about, but is it really worth sacrificing your peace of mind for?
If it’s something that can be talked about, communicating it may lighten the burden. Let your voice be heard. Communication is one of the best ways to avoid resentment.
“To forgive is to let a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis Smedes
If it’s something that happened in the past and one that you have no control over, forgiveness could be a helpful coping mechanism.
4. Ultimately, Happiness is a choice
Don’t let resentment stop you from being able to live your best life. It’s a burden too huge to carry. Our anger and pain may be justified, but what use would it be carrying it around for so long?
Sometimes, we also fail to realize that we may have also played a part in what caused resentment in us. While blaming the other party, we should also be sure that we aren’t responsible somehow for whatever has happened.
Here are some quick ways to stop people from renting space in your head:
- Lower your expectations of others. When we expect too much from certain people, we are hugely disappointed when they don’t play the part we want them to.
- Stay away from people who exhibit toxic traits and are unrepentant when they do something wrong.
- Choose happiness and positivity every time.
- Forgiveness is just as important as anything else.
Final Thoughts
The unwillingness to let bygones be bygones could make us slaves to our thoughts.
Most times, we think that letting go is in favour of whoever we are releasing. This is usually not the case because we are doing ourselves a lot of good, instead.
Indeed, life is simply too short to spend it feeling resentful about what was or wasn’t done by someone else.
Don't let resentment hold you back from living the life you truly deserve.