You Shouldn’t Be A Teacher Unless…

You are prepared to stand back, allow students to debate, make valid decisions through consensus, and promote learning

The other day a forensic policewoman arrived at my door. There had been a spate of burglaries, and attempted ones, in the area, and ours was an attempted burglary. So I got to see first-hand, how the forensic team works.

Then we got talking, and somehow the conversation turned to her having to home-school her children, which, in her words, was a nightmare.

‘You know,’ she said, ‘when we got the letter about our school closing down due to the virus, my husband and I thought, no worries. We have degrees. We’ve been to school. We’ll be fine.’

‘And were you?’ I asked, with just a hint of a smile, hovering on my lips.

‘Shit no!’ she laughed. ‘It was a bloody nightmare. You know, I thought I’d sit the kids down, talk about what they were supposed to do, read them some instructions, and it would all be hunky dory!

‘OMG…in no time I was hoping for an escape route…you know, that the department would call in with a bigger-and-better crime version of ‘Midsomer Murders’ (a larger-than-life English crime series). That would have been preferable. But no! All was calm in New South Wales, not a damned murder to be explored, except in my house, where lessons in mayhem, which can lead to murder, were the order of the day.’

‘And yet, as you said, you and your husband have been to school. You would have had some idea about what you were doing?’

‘Now THAT, was the joke. How wrong could we be? I hate to think the irreparable damage we inflicted on our kids. We were clueless. Our kids are pretty well-behaved, most times, and switched on, but honestly, short of firing a damned gun, we couldn’t get them to settle. You know what? If I’d known any retired teachers close by, I would have been offering them a lucrative job.’

‘Shame we don’t live close by, in that case. I used to be one,’ I answered.

‘OMG …is that right?’ she laughed. ‘I’m not joking. I would have been on your doorstep, prostrate and begging. How in hell do teachers cope?’

‘Easier than you think,’ I answered, ‘and harder than you’d believe at times, but it’s much about being prepared, making sure you’re one step ahead of the pack, with a bit of theater thrown in, most times. Time for a coffee?’

She did, and why not when you can take home a set of tried-and-tested strategies?

And therein lies a problem about how people view the teaching profession. Everybody’s been to school, so everybody has their own personalized take on how learning takes place.

The fact is, not everyone is cut out to be a teacher

Yes, even some of those who’d benefit from an escape clause, sometimes stay in the profession, miserable as sin, until old age defies their sitting on the floor to work out a problem, or running around the oval, or, ever finding their sense of humor.

For some reason they stay, maybe just to pick up their pensions, and who knows?

Let’s get this straight. Teachers aren’t perfect.

They make mistakes.

They get cross sometimes…’for no reason’!

When you first decide to be a teacher, I’m pretty sure the realities of the profession are not entirely apparent. Nor are they made so!

You’ve been to school, so the presumption of my police friend might also be true for you. You’ve been an inherent part of the modeling, good and bad, so you’ll be fine!

MAYBE!

MAYBE not!

Let’s have a look at all the things that are packed into being a teacher.

You shouldn’t be a teacher if you haven’t first done a course in ‘The Truth About Teaching’.

That course would deal with things like:

• attending to snotty noses,
• tying shoe laces (when it hasn’t been raining)!
• eating lunch simultaneously
• drinking cold coffee
• ability (on teacher’s part) to control your bladder

You shouldn’t be a teacher if you can’t think on your feet.

Now not for a moment am I suggesting that you will always have the answers to a situation, but in the case where one of those smart kids asks you a curly , slightly off-topic question, how will you react?

Your job is not simply to provide an answer, but to turn that question into something that promotes curiosity for the rest of your charges

‘Think left, and think right, think low and think high. Oh the thinks you can think, if only you try!’

Bear in mind teachers not supposed to be ‘suppositories of knowledge,’ as a somewhat recent Prime Minister of Australia once said, yes, on national television.

God love him. He will NEVER live that one down!

What he was trying to say was, that we are not the REPOSITORY of all knowledge.

That’s true for us all, but especially of teachers. Think on your feet, use wider questions on the topic that don’t have a yes or no answer, and see where it takes you.

You shouldn’t be a teacher if you can’t offer some fun

A friend of mine worked in a pretty rough area, one where the students were hard to inspire, and always looking for ways to get teachers offside.

One morning she walked into her classroom, and on the whiteboard was written…I hate fucken teachers. She didn’t say a word, initially, just took her marker and corrected the spelling.

Then she said, in true thespian style, ‘I just can’t stand bad spelling,’ and began her lesson.

The students applauded.

On another occasion, one of her students was sitting without her notebook.

“Where is your notebook Natalie?’ she asked.

“Up my arse, Miss,” she replied.

“I’m sure it’s not Natalie,” she answered theatrically.” Let’s have a look in your desk. “Oh my goodness…here it is, and YOU thought it was up your arse.”

She won those kids over from that day onward, and never had an issue with parents.

And whenever things got lost at home, my teacher friend’s children used to say, ‘It’ll be where Natalie keeps her history book!’

If you want kids to learn, let them have a laugh, or ten! You’ll make your job easier, and they will want to learn.

Ease up on the things that won’t kill you, and clamp down on the stuff that might!

See yourself as an educational rock star, and your kids will love you for it.

You shouldn’t be a teacher if you don’t have strategies up your sleeve

When the male students in their final year of the high school I attended, lifted the Latin teacher’s tiny car up on top of a newly-delivered pile of coal, we all stood there, desperately wanting to scream with laughter, but holding it in.

Even the Latin teacher was amused, and set up a competition. The group that got it down without a scratch (and a procedure in place that he would sanction), would be given a twenty pound voucher, and an hour off school to share the spoils.

What a great attitude!

You shouldn’t be a teacher if you have no enthusiasm for the job

That translates into working on weekends and holidays.

Being eternally broke.

Think about how you can turn something humdrum into fun.

The day I brought in some biscuits and asked my students to nibble the outline of Australia, without looking at anybody else for inspiration, then stick pins in the capital cities, was a winner.

We went through more biscuits than you can poke a stick at, but they loved it.

The op-shop china I bought for peanuts, and they decorated with paint and gold leaf…not in the curriculum, but a hit for Mothers’ Day!

You shouldn’t be a teacher if you don’t value the dignity of each student

One thing is assured. A child quickly gets to understand whether you care, or not. That’s not to say that you can’t take a child to task for a misdemeanor, but it must always be centered on what happened, rather than how you view that student.

You know that old saying. They may not always remember what was said, but they’ll always remember how you made them feel?…or words to that effect. Keep it in mind.

And if your teaching is not culturally responsible?

Nowadays our classrooms are filled with children from all backgrounds, and cultures. Many speak English as their second language, and we need to be sensitive to this, and to their life experiences, and work out our expectations accordingly.

What we see as relevant in our culture, may not necessarily align with theirs.

You shouldn’t be a teacher if you’re not aware of time

Not all children learn at the same pace, and in the same way. If a child doesn’t understand a concept then he’s either not ready for that step , or you have to change your practice. A big dose of encouragement however, about what a student DOES know, as opposed to what he doesn’t, could change the whole equation.

The child who needs the most help, could well become a teacher’s blessing.

You shouldn’t be a teacher if you don’t recognize a cry to be loved

I’ve missed the cues on occasions. Students are all different. Some students come to school solely to learn. Others see the classroom as their refuge, a safe place where they can find love.

Be that source of LOVE!

You shouldn’t be a teacher if you can’t admit when you are wrong.

We are human, and as such we are fallible, and as such, we make mistakes. No big deal, as long as you wear the blame and say you are sorry. Students will forgive you.

But you CAN be a teacher if:

• you’re prepared to consider all these as guidelines, and
• if you’re prepared to be a life-long learner.

You CAN DEFINITELY be a teacher:

• if you can fit all of your kids into that small place in your body called a heart!
• PS: ef yoo kan rid this yoo probi r a teecha!