You Should Fire Your Doctor
Don’t forget that you are in charge of your body & your care
Last month, my best friend’s son broke his arm. They went to the doctor and were told that it was fractured. They were referred to an orthopedist’s office where they were then told it wasn’t broken. When she called a week later, concerned that her son was still in pain, they told her that the doctor was “really good” and “knew his stuff.”
Two days later, when she got the lab report from radiology, it clearly stated there was a fracture, and her son got a cast after over a week of walking around with a broken arm. This was the same ortho office she’d been to for her hand, which she ended up having to have surgery on after a second opinion. I talked to her afterwards and gave her my best advice:
Fire your doctor.
Do not go back there. Insurance companies and referrals can make things more complicated, but we should always be able to talk to our insurance companies and our primary care doctors about the specialists they’re sending us to.
I have heard so many stories of people whose doctors would not listen to them. Stories of doctors who dismissed concerns and refused to look further into very real issues. I went through two years of fertility treatments largely because my doctors failed to diagnose PCOS and a bad thyroid. I have friends who have died because doctors dismissed their concerns until their cancer was too far along to be defeated.
If your doctor isn’t listening to you, advocating for you, and invested in your care, it’s time to find a new doctor.
Having gone to school for more years than most of the population doesn’t automatically make someone deserving of your business. Being uncomfortable isn’t the only red flag indicating it might be time to hire a new doctor. Here are some other really good reasons to throw in the towel and move on to a new medical provider.
Personality Mismatch
When I was 30 weeks pregnant, I had the sudden, unsettling realization that I wasn’t comfortable with the midwife I’d hired to manage my care and attend my birth. It wasn’t any one thing she’d done, more an amalgamation of rescheduled appointments and slightly askew conversations. The biggest factor came down to personality. I’m a very structured person, and she was definitely not.
I knew that it was a slim chance that I’d be able to find another midwife able to take me on with only 10 weeks left in my pregnancy, but I called around and found one that said she had room. I schedule a meeting with her and when I met her, I knew right away that I was making the right choice by transferring my care. Even in our first appointment, she put me at ease in a way the other midwife never had.
In my case, the problem came down largely to a personality clash. My care provider and I just didn’t mesh. I had been given glowing recommendations for this midwife, from people I trusted. But her style of care management wasn’t the right style for me.
Going to the doctor is a scary experience for many people as is. It’s hard to share intimate details of your life and health with someone even when you’re comfortable. The last thing you need is to be having personal and potentially serious conversations with someone whose energy doesn’t put you at ease.
Unwillingness to Explain
A good doctor will be willing to take the time to explain to you why they are recommending the care they are recommending. If you have concerns, they should be willing to listen to and address them.
If my doctor gives the impression that they don’t have the time or patience to outline the options before we choose one, that’s not a good sign. It’s not asking too much to ask for the reasoning behind a care decision. You should be able to have a conversation, especially if you’ve got chronic or ongoing health issues and have done your research and developed a working knowledge of your condition.
Unavailability
Doctors are busy, but they don’t get paid without patients. No one is available 100% of the time, and that’s okay. Still, doctor’s offices with phone trees that make reaching an actual human impossible drive me crazy. It also doesn’t work for me to have a care provider who can only schedule appointments two or three months out.
If you’re experiencing a lack of available appointments or un-returned emails or phone calls, it might be time to find a doctor who is more responsive. If you find yourself sitting in the waiting room for an hour or more past your appointment time, that’s another sign the doctor isn’t available and doesn’t respect your time.
Rude or Condescending Attitude
The golden rule applies to everyone. Yes, doctors have a lot of expertise. Yes, they worked hard to get where they are. That doesn’t give them the right to act better than you. If you feel like you can’t be honest for fear of judgement or dismissal, something isn’t right.
The saying that ‘the customer is always right,’ doesn’t mean that the customer always knows what they’re talking about. It does mean that if someone is paying you to provide a service, it’s your job to treat them cordially at the least, and kindly at best. Conversations with your medical providers shouldn’t make you feel small or stupid. If they aren’t willing to explain things, and it’s clear they think you won’t understand, they don’t deserve to be the one making medical decisions for you.
Lack of Current Knowledge
Medical researchers are constantly working to develop new treatments and find new information about the human bod. Continued education plays an important role in providing the best service to customers in many fields, and medical professions are no exception.
If your doctor continues to recommend the same course of treatment, especially when you know other options are available, it may be time to move on. Even if you decide together that a new option isn’t the best option, consideration of everything that’s available is the standard of care you deserve.
When I taught natural birth classes, there was one piece of advice I offered to all of my students: that they were in charge. If they weren’t comfortable with their doctor, or if one of the nurses during their labor wasn’t meshing with their birth plan, it was within their rights to ask for a new one.
There should not be a power imbalance between a doctor or nurse and their patients.
Your doctors, nurses, midwives, and other professional service providers are people you hire to provide you with a service. If you are not satisfied with the quality of care you’re receiving, you should go elsewhere. If they are not providing you with that service respectfully and effectively, there’s no reason to keep supporting them.
Finding a new doctor or medical care provider can be daunting, but it’s also a matter of great importance. We are given intuition and gut feelings for a reason, and this is one case where we should never be afraid to listen to them. Don’t forget that you are the one most invested in your care, and if it doesn’t seem like your doctor is taking that seriously, you deserve better.