You Realise Your Advice is Only Your Opinion, Don’t You?

And it’s your opinion, not mine

I enjoy reading articles about someone’s morning routine.

Or why they don’t have a morning routine?

Or what someone would do if they were starting out again on Medium.

Or whether you should publish every day or a few times a week.

And on and on.

I appreciate the advice and, unlike someone sitting in the same room telling you what to do, it’s up to me to read the article or not.

But, whilst I appreciate the advice, I think people forget that their advice is just their opinion.

It isn’t fact.

Do you need to share your opinion?

The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion. Arnold H Glasgow

I’ve studied many different therapies, including Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Thought Field Therapy (TFT) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and whilst all these fields have good points, they’re all based on someone’s opinion, someone’s theory, an idea of how things work.

You could argue that’s the case with most therapies, and I agree.

And that’s the problem.

Everyone has the right to their opinion.

I wouldn’t suggest anything else.

As long as they remember, it’s an opinion. But if you look at philosophers and psychologists in the past, their opinion morphed into a fact. And it isn’t.

An opinion isn’t the truth. It might be your truth, but it isn’t necessarily mine.

Your opinion is a thought, and you know that you don’t believe all your thoughts, so why are the thoughts you call opinions different?

Why do you believe these thoughts are true?

And why are people so keen for you to share their opinion? Why do people believe their opinion is right?

In a Yale study, graduate students were asked to rate their understanding of how a toilet works and then write a detailed explanation about how a toilet works.

When they realised how complicated toilets are, their self-assessment dropped as they realised they didn’t know how a toilet works.

This is called the ‘illusion of explanatory depth’, a term coined by Steven Sloman and Philip Fernbach in their book, The Knowledge Illusion: Why we never think alone.’ This points to how people believe they know more than they do.

But what do toilets have to do with writing advice in Medium articles?

It’s the belief that opinion is true.

I get that there are more experienced and talented writers on this platform and anywhere else than I am, but they’re not always the people telling others how to get more views or make more money.

Often it’s the people who want more views or to make more money writing the articles.

It’s a little like the entrepreneurs who tell other people how to make money.

But, as I said earlier, it’s up to me if I read the articles and take their advice.

When opinion looks like advice

The problem, for me, is when opinion looks like advice. Now even advice is an opinion, so why am I making the distinction?

Because everyone knows that they don’t need to listen to someone’s opinion, but they think that advice has more gravitas.

As a coach, I have no opinion in a client session. The session isn’t about me and what I think.

And for that reason, I don’t give my opinion and tell clients that if they are looking for advice, they’re in the wrong place.

I had a client whose friend had been to see a counsellor for relationship help. The counsellor gave their advice freely and suggested that this person leave their partner.

They did. And regretted it ever since.

Why would my advice be worth anything to you? My life experiences will influence my opinion and advice, and my experiences aren’t yours.

My job is to help you identify your options, not give you my options for you.

Imagine that you were unhappy in your relationship as my client’s friend was. If you had a religious coach or counsellor who believed that you should stay with your partner even if you were both unhappy, that’s the advice they would give. But if your coach or counsellor was going through a messy break-up themselves, they might advise you to get out now while you can.

But would either of these opinions help you?

And the worst are the opinions and pieces of advice that you haven’t asked for.

This is like someone sneezing over you.

Imagine that you confide in a friend that your relationship is in trouble because you think your partner might be having an affair, and the friend tells you what they think you should do.

They tell you that they never liked your partner or trusted them.

But after talking to your partner, you realise that you had got things wrong, and you both sort out your issues and happily continue to be together.

How do you feel about the friend who gave you their opinion and advice?

Usually, if someone gives unsolicited advice, they try to be helpful.

Or important.

And it assumes you can’t find the answers to your problems yourself.

So I’ll come to you for advice if you’re a plumber and my pipes burst.

Or you’re an electrician, and my lights keep fusing.

I’ll listen to what you say if you’re a yoga teacher, and I want to learn the poses.

But if you’re giving me advice, please remember that it’s your opinion.

And as for the articles on what and how to write and publish, I know there are some nuggets, and I’m grateful for that.

I enjoy reading tips and techniques from those whose shoulders I’m clambering onto to reach their heights.

But while I appreciate your articles about how to do x or y, or z, I’ll have my own opinion on what you say.