Summary

To successfully overcome an unwanted behavior or addiction, it is crucial to replace it with a new habit rather than relying solely on willpower or "cold turkey" methods.

Abstract

The article emphasizes the importance of forming new habits to combat negative ones, as simply stopping a behavior often leads to failure due to the void it creates. It suggests that nature abhors a vacuum, and unless a new habit fills the space left by the old one, the likelihood of reverting to the previous behavior is high. The process of habit formation is described as a cycle that needs completion, and by redirecting the impulse to a chosen new habit, one can gain control over the cycle rather than being controlled by it. The article also provides guidance on selecting a suitable replacement habit by asking reflective questions and offers examples of how to apply this strategy to common habits like smoking and over-explaining.

Opinions

The "cold turkey" approach is ineffective for many people, particularly those who cannot cope with the sudden absence of their habit.
It is essential to pre-plan a new habit to replace an old one to increase the chances of successful behavior change.
Habits are part of a cycle, and completing this cycle with a new, healthier behavior is key to breaking the grip of an unwanted habit.
The article advocates for a thoughtful approach to habit replacement, suggesting that the new habit should be chosen based on personal reflection and consideration of the circumstances surrounding the unwanted habit.
The process of habit change is gradual and requires practice, with the understanding that setbacks are part of the journey to establishing new patterns.

You Need A New Habit To Stop A Bad One

They call sobriety kicking the habit. But what happens to the hole it leaves behind?

You can’t kick nothing with nothing. You need a new goal. Photo by Uriel Soberanes on Unsplash

When it comes to any unwanted behavior or addiction, I hear it all the time. “I just have to stop _____.”

You can put almost anything in that space. Binge eating, overspending, procrastinating, cheating, drinking, purging, gambling, porn, overexplaining, saying sorry, drugs, etc…

This thought process is partially fleshed out. Yes, you may want to stop doing something, but what then? What comes next?

This concept of cold turkey is a losing strategy for a lot of people. Many don’t have the personality type that can make this work. If you do, that is wonderful. If you don’t, you’ll be making things overly hard on yourself with minimal benefit.

If you’re going to kick the habit away, there needs to be a new habit to kick into its place. This can start the process of moving away from needing one in the first place. It has to begin somewhere.

Why Does Cold Turkey Fail For Many People?

There are a few reasons why this is a hard way to go about getting rid of a bad habit.

Empty Space

Nature doesn’t like empty spaces. If you take something away, it leaves a hole. That hole will get filled. If you aren’t choosing what to fill it with, then you’re left to chance.

Chance will likely fill it back in with what was there before. The thing you were trying to cut out in the first place. It knows how to fit there and it’s familiar to you. When we are stressed we fall back on old habits.

This is why pre-planning a new habit is essential for success. If you plan at least 1 new habit to replace the old one, you will have a much higher possibility of reaching your goal.

Unfinished Cycle

A habit is not a singular thing. It is a process from start to finish. If you begin a process it is natural to need to see it through to completion. This is the mindset behind addiction.

Many times addictions can be interchangeable between things because it’s not the drug or activity that is the issue, it is the mindset and cycle that needs to be completed.

If you give your body something to use to finish the cycle, you can control what happens next. Instead of smoking you may end up chewing gum.

This may work for OCD symptoms as well. If the cycle needs to be finished with hand washing or counting, replacing it with something else you would rather do is a start. Once you get a win at that it will build momentum to get wins in other areas.

New habit formation is not about resisting the impulse. It is about controlling what you do with the impulse by redirecting it toward something you choose to have in your life. You control it instead of it controlling you.

What Kind Of New Habit Should I Plan For?

The beauty of it is, you get to choose from nearly anything.

BUT, that can be too big a task to take on when you are struggling with a decision so here are some questions to ask yourself:

What is the habit?
How does it make me feel?
What am I trying to accomplish?
Why do I want to stop?
When did it start?
How will my life improve?
When do I want to do it?
How do I do it?

If you can answer a few of these you’ll get a basic idea of what kind of replacement habit would be doable.

For example, if you want to quit smoking and you only smoke while you drink. Maybe switch to a vape for a while instead of a cigarette. Then you can move away from even that later on.

If you want to quit drinking and you’re used to having a glass of wine after dinner. Switch to another type of drink in its place that is also a bit sugary, like sweet tea, juice, or seltzer with soda.

This way you can still enjoy doing the thing you like and have something to do as a replacement so you don’t feel the emptiness during that task.

Because not all things can be avoided. You are going to eat dinner. This means there will be an after dinner time that you have historically filled with one activity. You can’t avoid that, but you can switch what you put in your cup. That is a great way to get started on dumping that old bad habit. It all has to begin somewhere.

Let’s say the “habit” is over-explaining yourself. For this one, a good new habit could be coming up with 3 or 4 go-to phrases you can use in its place. Typically over-explaining is done as a defense when someone is making assumptions about your thinking or actions. It is a common trauma response that is a difficult habit to break. Before you feel the need to stop, the action of stopping happens first. Your feelings catch up later after some practice.

Instead of a long explanation to people, you can give a simple reply of “That’s an interesting way of seeing things.” or “I don’t agree with your take but I hear what you are saying.”

It Won’t Go Smoothly At First But It Gets Better

Keep practicing. You’ll find success the more you do it. The old habit took a long time to create, the new one will take time as well.

I hope these ideas help and you can start the process of creating whatever new habits you are working toward.

You Need A New Habit To Stop A Bad One

They call sobriety *kicking the habit*. But what happens to the hole it leaves behind?

Why Does Cold Turkey Fail For Many People?

What Kind Of New Habit Should I Plan For?

It Won’t Go Smoothly At First But It Gets Better

They call sobriety kicking the habit. But what happens to the hole it leaves behind?