You Need a Girl Gang — Here’s How to Pick Them

We hear it all the time “Women do not support other women”. Instead of helping them, they spend their time back-biting and undermining, and yet (what is incredibly annoying) they are sweeter than honey to your face.

There are probably some deep, or not so deep, psychological reasons that this happens, but that’s not my area of expertise. Still, I have noticed that it is not just a myth, and it occurs regularly.

I don’t believe that it is always jealousy-related, as some would have you think. I believe some of it is because we often expect more from other women. Maybe some of these expectations are unrealistic.

But the good news is that there are women out there who will be on your side. You have to find them.

And when I say you have to find them. I am urging you to get out there and find them actively. Because once you have a girl gang, or several girl gangs (yep, more than one is allowed), you can conquer anything.

So how do you find your girl gang? Here we go:

• You’re in a group of women. Someone speaks negatively of another woman. How do the other women react? Do they pile on, or do they think before they speak? Do they have their own opinion? Are they willing to speak out against the crowd and share that opinion? If you notice those who refuse to put down others, you can know that given the opportunity, they’ll probably speak up for you. These are women of courage. Many people are going to be on your side when you’re watching, but you want to find the people who will be on your side when you’re not even there. The best way to find that is to pay attention to how they treat other people they know. If they are fair and defend others with dignity? They’re a girl gang candidate.
• You’re out to lunch. The server makes a mistake on the girl gang candidate’s order. How do they treat them? Do they throw a temper tantrum? If so, they’re not the person for your girl gang. Do they ignore it? Also probably not a choice candidate. Do they tell them of the error, and give them a chance to make it right? Bingo. That’s what you want in your girl gang. You need truth-tellers around you who aren’t afraid to be mildly confrontational but also are by default kind to those around them and accept the fact that mistakes happen. And they don’t let such things ruin their day
• Something negative has happened in your life. You lose a job, for example. Who remembers this has happened to you and is around to encourage and remind you of the good things about you that you sometimes forget? Who offers suggestions for where you may look or what you might do? Who listens when you need to vent about the process? Who pays attention and lets you know when companies are hiring or offers to review your resume or your Linked In profile? People who are not only there in the good times, but are there to actively help in the bad, are great candidates for your girl gang.

• Something significant has happened in your life. You win an award for community service. Who shows up so they can cheer for you — and may even be more excited about it than you are? Who tells random people about your accomplishments? Those who qualify for your girl gang, that’s who.
• You are in charge of a charity event in your community. Who shows up to help? It doesn’t matter what they do, but they find some way they can support it. They may not even be able to attend the event, but they send swag for giveaways, make a monetary donation, or publicize it on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram. They’re proud of you, and they show up for you. That’s your girl gang.

I have chosen well for my girl gang. I know I have loyalty and support and encouragement in spades. I know I have people who will kick my butt when I need it and give me a supportive hug when things are tough. They are confident and competent women in their own right, who support other women. They help them all the time — not just to their face.

If you speak of me, they’ll show you they have faith in me — and will tell you that I’m a force to be reckoned with (even on those days when I may not believe it myself). They believe this because they have taken the time to see who I am. They have been there in the past, and will be there in the future. Like a superhero, they show up when you need them. That’s what a girl gang does.

So not only should you want one, but you need one. You can have tons of friends, but not all are girl gang material. Watch them when they don’t know you’re looking. Pick wisely.

The girl gang will be the “not-so-secret” secret to your success. Those women will not let you down. And you will be there for them in the same way. They will make your life better on so many levels.

Trust me. I have tried and tested mine — and they remind me every day that there are women who will stand with you and support you through whatever comes. Because they know life’s battles and accomplishments are better shared and they are sharers.