You Missed Out on Me

Summary

The poem reflects on a strained mother-child relationship, marked by the mother's absence and emotional neglect, leading to the speaker's realization of their own strength and the mother's loss in not knowing them.

Abstract

The text is a poignant reflection on a mother-child relationship that was filled with pain and neglect. The speaker recalls the mother's emotional distance and her eventual departure from their life. Despite early admiration for the mother's resilience, the speaker acknowledges the hurt caused by the mother's indifference and cruelty. A turning point comes with a letter from the mother, which prompts the speaker to recognize her as a "horrible, heartless woman" who has missed out on truly knowing her child. The speaker details their own struggles with substance abuse as a coping mechanism for the mother's emotional abandonment. However, there is a resolution to rebuild and a declaration of independence from the mother's toxic influence. The speaker finds love and support in their chosen family and acknowledges their own positive qualities, looking forward to a future where they are not defined by their mother's absence.

Opinions

The speaker initially admired the mother's strength but felt let down by her failure to be present in their life.
There is a sense of regret and unfulfilled hope for a chance to heal their relationship.
The mother is perceived as having been emotionally abusive, often saying hurtful things.
The speaker feels that the mother's behavior, including sending a business card with instructions for after her death, was cold and uncaring.
Substance abuse is acknowledged as a means to cope with the emotional void left by the mother.
The speaker has found clarity and strength to move forward, deciding not to be a victim of the mother's choices.
There is a powerful assertion of self-worth and a celebration of the support system the speaker has built outside of the maternal relationship.
The speaker still harbors love for the mother as a child would, but also recognizes the mother's self-centeredness as the cause of their estrangement.
The poem ends on a note of empowerment, with the speaker embracing their own virtues and looking forward to a bright future without the mother's negative influence.

Bye-bye mommy

Photo by Chelsea Mandler, 1985

As the dawn is growing near, And the days begin to wane, I saw the darkness in your eyes Not much of you remains.

There is no sweet satisfaction, To see the pain that you endure, I wonder if you know it all, That our life was but a blur.

Your strength, I did admire, You knew how to survive, You made it through the toughest times, Steadfast and alive

But you did not fight for me, You left in quite a haste, I only see you walking away, I never saw your face.

And the years passed by so quickly, From being a child to where I am now, I thought we would have a chance, To mend our love somehow.

Yet, you were very nasty, Always something cruel to say, I treated you with respect, Because I am that way.

For Christmas, I received your letter, With a business card inside, Telling me to take care of things, When you finally died.

And that is when it happened, When I could finally see, You horrible, heartless woman, You missed out on me.

And all the pills I have swallowed, All the drinks I drunk, And all the drugs I have ingested throughout my life, Was to fill the heart you sunk.

God graced me with some clarity, I could see the undertaking, In front of me, I will rebuild, The life from me you’ve taken.

Therefore, the answer is simple, I will not be your pawn, You will have to find another soul, To care for you after you have gone.

And when it is finally over, The only pain I foresee, For 40 years you made the choice, To miss out on me.

Today I say goodbye to you, My love is better suited, To the wonderful people who have surrounded me, And cheered and laughed and rooted.

You have no idea what you missed, The person I’ve become, I am loving and I am clever, And the best is yet to come.

I love you as my mother, How different it should have been, By choosing yourself above everyone else, You are left with what is within.