Too Much And Never Enough

You Might Be a Politics Junkie if…

You are Reading This… Why? Then Again… Why am I Writing This?

Which courtroom for which case charging him for which crime is Trump headed for now? Do I have to do like a Beautiful Mind wall chart with newspaper clippings and purple yarn connecting all the cases and facts and crimes and conspiracies like a spider web? That is the only way to keep track, right?

But then will someone come and collect me and put me in a straight jacket? Especially if I start shouting: “Kenneth Chesebro is the key! Wait, is it pronounced Chesebro like ‘cheeseburger’ or is it Chesebro like ‘chess’? He is the key! It was a conspiracy!!!!”

Oh, damn, look at that on Huff Post about DA Fani Willis … “Marjorie Taylor Greene Says Trump Prosecutor Should Be Going After Rapists. Ahem.”

Oh shit, I just snorted my coffee. Laughed too hard. Oh, and I dribbled a bit of coffee on my shirt too! Damn, really hate that. Oh good, the coffee landed on the black cat on the T-shirt so you can’t see the stain, right?

What was I talking about?

Oh, yeah. You might be a politics junkie if…

Well, for one thing, if you know who Kenneth Chesebro is, and if you actually care. Yep, definitely a politics junkie.

I was sitting at my computer, going to write something for Medium, and I snapped (as you may have surmised).

It is too damn much. There is so much to say about the Trump indictments. There is so much to say about Darth Santis and his petty tin hat dictatorship in Florida. There is so much to say about the anti-democracy laws, proposals, ballot measures, schemes, and plots of fascist Republicans everywhere all the time!

Then there is my summer reading list… which got a little bit out of control… and is turning into a leaning tower of Pisa… or is it pizza? I could sure use a pizza… when did I last eat?… what time is it? Did I forget to sleep again?

Yeah, you might be a politics junkie if…

When you are a politics junkie, you try to focus, but you get distracted by the headlines, you start to get angry, and then you see something so ridiculous…

Oh my God! The leaked Ron DeSantis “debate strategy” doc! Shit, just choked on my coffee. Better start a new pot brewing. Oh, I have to take a closer look at this. Let’s see, the strategy for DeSantis, the guy referred to as “GRD” is:

“1. Attack Joe Biden and the media 3–5 times. 2. State GRD’s positive vision 2–3 times. 3. Hammer Vivek Ramaswamy in a response. 4. Defend Donald Trump in absentia in response to a Chris Christie attack.”

Holy macaroni picture! Somebody actually gets paid to come up with this shit!

And it says to “go hard” against Vivek Ramaswamy with a Trump-style insult, maybe call him “Vivek the Fake.”

(… author temporarily had to leave the room as she was choking so violently on her coffee, it became a serious medical emergency with excess liquid going down into lungs… please stand by… author will return shortly…)

Okay, I’m back. Keeping it together. No more coffee though. No more shouting and/or laughing at the computer screen. My cat is looking at me with an expression that says “What the fuck is your problem?”

Anyway, ahem. It appears that Vivek responded by mocking “Robot Ron.”

Okay. So, let me get this straight. Instead of reading those books in my stack, I am reading on my computer about the upcoming Republican presidential primary and it turns out it will be a contest over name-calling skills.

Oh wow, I just figured it out. They are all AI! It is going to be the ChatGPT debate and primary! No wonder it is all both boring as hell and humorous as hell.

I admit I had long suspected Mike Pence was the love child of an early version of ChatGPT and a mop (the white hair plus the bland-as-white-bread personality, c’mon, obvious isn’t it?). Now it turns out ChatGPT is the whole Republican field! Except for Trump, of course.

If the other candidates are ChatGPT, then Trump is a Magnavox Odyssey running the game Table Tennis. You doubt me? Check it out. According to Video Game Console Library:

The Odyssey has no real specs. It contained no processor or memory. The box is made up of transistors, resistors and capacitors. Odyssey used cards that contained pin outs to change game settings. Plastic overlays that could be placed over the TV screen created graphics and color, but the actual display consisted of white squares (Paddle and ball) on an all black background.

If that doesn’t describe Donald Trump, I don’t know what does.

Which begs the question of why do I spend an inordinate amount of time paying attention to what is going on with that jackass?

Because I’m a politics junkie!!!

It is too much and never enough.

But damn, it is fun.

Now… where are my eyedrops? What time is it? Oh, did I remember to set the DVR for Ali Velshi on MSNBC?… Oh, look, Sidney Powell is selling merchandise including a glossy autographed photo with a Georgia indictment discount code, can’t make shit like that up… Oh hell, it is after midnight… what day is it? Where did I put my day planner? Dammit, I bought a Grumpy Cat day planner to help me remember shit and now I don’t remember where I put it…

G’nite fellow politics junkies. Sweet dreams of the Trumpster in an orange jumpsuit. On second thought, too much orange. Can we go with classic pinstripes?