I delivered a cake to an apartment building. Upon leaving I couldn’t help but take a second look. I told myself — This is it. This is where I want to live.

It was a big community of luxurious apartments and condos, full of Maseratis and Bentleys, upscale residents, even the lobby feels like a 5-star hotel.

If I’m being honest with myself, I’m attracted more to the possible ego boost rather than the actual quality of living. It would make me look like a young baller.

So, I went home to do more research on the neighborhood, and I swore to my girlfriend that I was going to move there soon.

It’s only been a few weeks since, but I’ve come to the realization that I don’t want to be defined by what I own; I don’t want people to like me for my car or house. I just want to be the best version of myself, money and everything else should simply be a byproduct of my high self-worth.

Instead of pursuing a better house, what I should really do is improve myself. Once I find a better job, acquire more skillsets, set up more income streams, once I become a more useful and significant person, the house will come by default.

Don’t worry about being successful but work toward being significant and the success will naturally follow.

-Oprah Winfrey

Don’t focus on the results, focusing on improving

Warren Buffet is one of the wealthiest men alive because he is an investing genius, not the other way around.

There is a huge difference. Given some years, Buffet can go bankrupt and make his money back all over again. But if we gave his wealth to a random person, they won’t be considered an investing genius. He makes the money, money doesn’t make him.

Intrinsic self-worth

Money is overrated in this sense, it doesn’t determine a person’s worth.

“You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. You are all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”

-Fight Club

Stinky egos smell from a mile away. The people who constantly shove their glories into our faces. The second we say anything noncomplimentary of their achievements, they turn into porcupines.

Unfortunately, Money makes them, they are a product of their possessions, attached to their fragile little labels, and whatever it’s threatened, it’s a jab to their self-esteem.

Intrinsic self-worth, on the other hand, works backward, it doesn’t come from wealth or status, it creates them. When we know we are worth a Ferrari, we will find a way to obtain it.

To be a millionaire, first, think like a millionaire

My mom grew up in poverty and to this day she still has a poor mindset. If I told her I wanted to move to the luxurious apartments she would tell me to be realistic. So it’s crucial to break out of that mental box.

Let’s say I want a million dollars, I would need to figure out what career, skills, or experience is required to make it, very straight forward.

But the problem is my desire comes from the place of lack, I want the money so I could feel better about myself. It’s a catch 22, I want to feel confident so I try to be rich, but to be rich, I need to be confident first. I’ll argue it’s better to be latter.

To be a millionaire, it wouldn’t do me any good thinking like a minimum wage person. Because I would only stick to what they know: saving, grinding, kissing asses, taking tiny steps towards what seems like an impossible goal. Instead, I should already think like a millionaire — as if I’m already at the top.

It changes everything, it makes me think bigger, boarder, braver, and willing to take massive action — -because I know it’s where I belong.

Now, of course, believing is only the first step. Once I know of who I am, naturally I start to align reality with my beliefs, then, I would figure out what career, skills, or experience is required to achieve it. When my abilities and knowledge are highly valued — when I, as a person is worth a million dollars, the money will eventually manifest itself.

Money is not the solution

We need to get rid of this idea that money and recognition will save us from our insecurities.

I just watched Trump: An American Dream a documentary that followed Donald Trump’s rise from real estate to casinos, to a TV show, to presidentship, let’s just say that his life wasn’t a waste. Despite having everything, somebody in the documentary pointed out that he was still deeply insecure. I mean, what else is there?

It just became clear to me that, when someone has 1,000,000,000,000 times more than you and they still aren’t satisfied with themselves, maybe chasing the prize isn’t the answer.

When we find a better sense of self, success will find us.