You Just Lost to Me at Chess Because I’m Good and You’re Bad

You just lost to me at chess.

Like, really bad. Honestly, it was super easy to beat you.

I learned to play when I was 4, maybe 3, so I wouldn’t be too upset. Well, actually, you did lose pretty bad so you probably should be a little distraught.

Remember, back a few minutes ago, when I took your queen? Yeah, you completely blundered that one. That’s what we call mistakes in chess. Blunders. You probably didn’t know that because you don’t play very much.

Unless you do play a lot. But that would be kind of embarrassing. Especially for how bad you lost.

If you want to play again we can, but I’d rather not. I don’t gain anything from playing people who are bad because there’s nothing to learn from them. Iron sharpens iron. Lead causes lead poisoning.

If we did play again then maybe I could give you some tips. Have you ever heard of en passant? It’s a chess move, but it’s kinda advanced. When the pawns are like this you can take one by — actually, I think it’s just going over your head.

Did you ever see the Queen’s Gambit? Oh you didn’t? That makes sense. It was good but it didn’t improve my game that much. It was more like chintzy content than a chess class. Also it wasn’t even a true story. Did you know that? The Queen’s Gambit was a made up story.

Well anyway, I should probably get going. Saturday is my reading day, and I found this adorable book called “The Great Gatsby”. You’ve probably never heard of it, but it’s really opened my eyes to some socio-economic issues.

You know, like class issues.

Like rich versus poor.

Like money…

Anyway, good luck if you decide to keep playing chess. But if I were you, I might take up something more suitable. Like poetry. Or finger-painting.