You Hit Rock Bottom When You Stop Digging

The four directions of alcoholism

Midday drinking on a sunny day in Malibu frequently occurred in my father’s life. There he is, smack dab in the middle, wearing a leather coat in the heat. I can vividly recall him showing me this picture, excited to forewarn me, “Every person in this picture is either dead, in a mental institution or jail, except me.”

There was so much hope in his voice that I believed those days were over for him. But his health declined, and we lost him from seven brain tumors, lung, and kidney cancer soon after. The wreckage of alcohol abuse had taken its toll.

Alcohol

In a country that relishes hedonism, people are dropping off the face of this earth due to their habits. Alcohol is a habit that poisons every cell in your body, creates chaos in your life, and will ultimately land you into four places: death, jail, mental institutions, or recovery. Very few alcoholics escape their future, and almost every alcoholic knows they have a problem. The problem is that alcohol makes you feel indifferent to whatever happens in your life. And, the physical addiction will inhabit your mind to a point where you find the drink in your hand before you ever said: “yes, please.”

Death

The facts speak volumes, although no one is listening.

“An estimated 88,000 people (approximately 62,000 men and 26,000 women) die from alcohol-related causes annually, making alcohol the third leading preventable cause of death in the United States. The first is tobacco, and the second is poor diet and physical inactivity” (https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/).

In my own life, I have lost three generations of family members to cirrhosis, and I now have a condition called avascular necrosis, which stops blood from flowing to my joints that caused me to lose both my hips in a short period and I was not ever a heavy drinker. All because of alcohol.

Many days in 12 step meetings I would hear, “ You have to step over the dead bodies in this group.” Honestly, I did think that the members were dramatic when, in actuality, I watched people frequently die throughout the years: people who always believed something else other than alcohol was causing their sickness. An alcoholics’ brain will stop at nothing to continue consuming, even if death’s door awaits.

Mental Institutions

Detoxing from alcohol is life-threatening. You shake, you sweat, you take warm baths while shivering, your heart races, you see images, you can hear voices and insomnia ensues — this why many alcoholics end up in the psychiatric ward.

It is a hard and frightful journey to know that you have sunk so low. The only solace an alcoholic has within the locked walls is that life can only get better from here if you change.

Every four hours, the patient receives Valium and some Folic Acid. You cannot leave unless you participate with the group. And the group is not merely alcoholic. They are often institutionalized for severe mental health conditions. The hospital has nowhere to put the alcoholic that is withdrawing because all the clinics, detox programs, and drug rehabilitation centers are wait-listed.

It is an excellent wake-up call for the alcoholic to have a 72-hour hold placed on them before they can leave. Witnessing the pits of despair motivate people to seek the help they needed after their release.

But, here lies the issue: it is easier to quit alcohol when you are stressed than when you are happy. Because being happy always could be more delightful with some alcohol. The happy recovering alcoholic is in more danger than the one drowning in the mayhem alcohol produces. It is a mistake made over and over again by the disease-ridden mind of an alcoholic.

Jail

The inevitable will happen if an alcoholic continues to use. The relationship between alcohol and incarceration is astounding.

“On average, roughly 40 percent of inmates that become incarcerated for violent offenses were under the influence of alcohol during the time of their crime” (https://www.alcoholrehabguide.org/).

Panic sets in for any alcoholic who lands in jail. Their one problem (alcohol) has turned into two problems. In alcoholic terms, this is called a track record. A track record is an accumulation of demoralizing situations that cause havoc in one’s life from alcohol-related factors.

Seven DUI’s for my father was not enough to stop him from continuing to drink. When I was ten, I woke up to him, passed out on the couch with blood all over his legs: his car, sliced in half, by a neighbor’s mailbox that he accidentally ran over while he was intoxicated. I thought that the nightly oven fires of him burning his steak was enough to cause trauma, but this incident landed him in jail. And my brother and I are were left to fend for ourselves. I am sure he would have chosen the mental institution over the legalities that followed.

Recovery

“You hit rock bottom when you stop digging,” my dad would often say. But i would not heed his warnings because I was not ready to stop digging.

However, after I lost my house, husband, friends, money, my job, and every ounce of self-worth,and every door shut. The only door open was that of recovery.

The first week of recovery in a treatment center is one of disbelief. Your brain is grappling with the effects of withdrawal while simultaneously healing. Without alcohol, you notice that the suicidal feelings dissipate. Was it the alcohol that caused my despair? I thought alcohol was my answer. But no, alcohol impairs thinking even when it is not in an alcoholic’s system.

In recovery, the morning begins to look glorious because you never woke up in the morning when you were drinking. People become interesting. Emotions are tense, raw, and overwhelming. The numbness has worn off, and with help, you will make it through the misery of who you have become and smile again.

In recovery, you build a network of like-minded friends. They are a little sick, but they laugh and howl at inside comments you make at meetings, leaving you to feel included.

The first part of your body to show improvement are the eyes of a recovered alcoholic. There is life in those eyes again! Most alcoholics clean up well. The issue is to remain in recovery. Ninety percent of alcoholics will relapse again. Will you be the 10 percent who remains in recovery? (altamirarecovery.com)

Synopsis

I began attending meetings with my father when I was ten. Shrines of Alcoholic phrases hung proudly on the walls of our home:

“Nothing changes if nothing changes”

“One step at a time.”

“This too shall pass.”

“You take the first drink, and the first drink takes you.”

These are just some of the sayings I remember from those days. But what I remember most is the serenity prayer. It can apply to any issue in your life, but for alcoholics, it is a simple way of dealing with life on life’s terms.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference” (AA.org).

This simple prayer becomes the hallmark of a recovering alcoholic’s day. A problem exists, what action can you take to solve it? If there are parts that can be changed, then move forward. If there are parts that you cannot change, step back. And always remember that each problem holds a solution. Live in the solution and be determined to know the difference.