You Have Beautiful White Teeth

Does anyone you see anywhere, in any place, not have white teeth?

The age of the perfect tooth is upon us. Everyone smiles the same damn beautiful smile as everyone else.

Turn on the television, watch a movie, check your social media, it’s all there for you to see, from movie stars to sports stars, from news announcer to the politicians from whom they try to extract a straight answer, your mailman to your clergyman … everyone, it seems, has perfectly white teeth.

It wasn’t always that way

I was only 9 years old when my hellion of a little cousin smacked my father on top of the ear on Easter Day. I’ve yet to understand the reason for this attack in more than 70 years of reflection. I do remember the results however, weren’t what anyone expected.

My father gave an exaggerated grimace, reached in his mouth and pulled out a removable bridge comprising of four plastic teeth and silver clips on each end that fastened to his permanent teeth.

My 6-year-old cousin had never seen the bridge before.

It was not the first time I’d seen it. Most days I’d try to coordinate my trips to the bathroom each morning and evening around the time my father was cleaning the curious dental phenomenon and had removed it from his mouth. I loved seeing him brushing it with a special brush.

The good natured joke had an odd effect on my cousin. Apparently he thought his unprovoked childish whack on the ear of my father, an ex-NFL football player who had his teeth knocked out a decade before in a game played in the leather helmet era, thought he had loosened them. The bratty little guy burst into tears of guilt and ran outside only to return when my aunt called him for dinner a half-hour later, his eyes still red from crying.

My father, he of the imperfect smile, patiently explained the transmobility of the bridge and why it seemed much whiter than the teeth surrounding it.

I can’t help but remember with a certain degree of nostalgia the days when people had different smiles, however imperfect the shade of white they may flash.

The time when teeth were teeth and not a collection of professionally polished jewels sparkling in someone’s mouth.

We’re losing our dental individuality to perfectionism!

My blessed teeth

I’ve been fortunate. I still have all my teeth. Oh, I’m minus a wisdom tooth (impacted), a chip from the back of one of my incisors (Lehigh — Delaware 4th quarter, 1963), some deep pockets and a few cavities over the years but I’ve no complaints.

As a rugged dental individualist, I’m proud to say, I’ve not spent the thousands of dollars needed to have my teeth professionally whitened.

And yes, I’ve had a lifetime of coffee, red wine, berries, tomato sauce and the other culprits known for dimming the bright. However, I do brush my teeth three times a day with Colgate Optic White, recommended by my dentist who I see twice a year. I recently purchased a Waterpik, also a suggestion by my medical professional.

Last week, I heard a commotion in the hallway in front of my condo door. I opened the door to find my neighbor and his preteen granddaughter grappling with a load of groceries. Apparently the granny cart they were using to transport the grocery bags lost its wheel in front of my door.

I helped them lug the bags into his condo.

“Sweetie,” he said, “this is my neighbor, Brian.”

“Hey,” I said turning on the old charm, face lighting up with a winning smile, hand up for a high-five.

“Hi,” the preteen replied responding to my greeting and high-five.

In the hallway returning to my unit I heard voices.

“Poppy, he has yellow teeth,” the high voice said.

“I know honey, but he’s a pretty good guy,” my neighbor replied.

This story was self-published 3/3/23