You Don’t Like Everyone. 4 Reasons Why You Need to Ditch Your People-Pleasing Mindset

Save your time, protect your energy, and keep yourself safe.

But I want people to like me.

I hear this all the time.

When I remind people that they don’t like everyone, it usually stops them in their tracks. It blows their minds. They know I’m right.

When you first get to know me, I come off as a confident person. And for the most part, I am. I put myself out there and I act like I don’t care what other people think about me. I’m selfish, but not at the expense of others.

What I mean by selfish, is that I do things that will benefit me. I take my feelings into account first, and I don’t let other people’s opinions matter.

I’m a good person. I try to be caring, pleasant, and I have a good sense of humor. I like who I am. I’m authentic. It’s not my responsibility to get other people to like me.

It’s their choice.

Here’s why you should adapt this mindset too:

You Don’t Like Everyone

We want everyone to like us. It’s human nature, but it’s not reality.

And that’s OK.

If we all got along, would the world be a better place?

It would be a boring place to live. Having different opinions and unique outlooks is what makes the world interesting. If we all got along, we wouldn’t have good discussions or learn from each other. We’d all be the same, and that would get old quick.

You can’t be friends with everyone. You simply don’t have enough time. Focus on building quality friendships rather than trying to be friends with more people.

Although you can’t be friends with everyone, you can still be friendly to everyone. There’s a difference. Be a person that people want to be around.

Save Your Time

Time is all we have. And most of us don’t think we have enough of it. Remember, there are only 24 hours in the day, and we all have that same amount. So, use it wisely.

Why are you spending so much of your limited time worrying about other people’s opinions of you? Why are you so worried about making everyone else happy?

What about you?

If you have a negative interaction with someone that you’re able to move on from, do so. Acknowledge what happened, state the facts, and move on. You don’t have time for that.

Protect Your Energy

Like time, you don’t have unlimited energy. And if you’re an introvert like me, you must work hard daily to conserve that precious energy. My main source of energy-suck, for lack of a better term, is when I have a full day of work with lots of people-ing. I feel drained much quicker at the end of those days. Motherhood compounds this. I’ve learned ways to make sure I don’t get burnt out, but I’m still working on it. Here are some things you can try:

• Recognize what drains your energy — or gives you energy.
• Do more energizing activities and fewer draining ones.
• Take breaks from consuming (phone, computer, people, TV, etc.).
• Find time for quiet in your day.
• Get enough sleep, eat well, move your body, and practice other forms of self-care.

Be proactive. Don’t wait until you’re asleep on the couch at 5 pm to work on it. But know that it might take a few of those burnt-out days to figure out what works. One step at a time.

It’s Dangerous

Your mental health is at risk when you constantly strive for the approval of others. Many people walk a fine line between being just ok and having a complete mental breakdown. For this reason, you must be careful. Your well-being is what is most important.

Have you heard of the fight or flight responses? Another response may be part of the reason you’re letting others walk all over you. It’s called the Fawn Response.

In the Fawn Response, you try to get the approval of others and disregard your well-being in the process. You feel this inner need to get attention and love. And if you let it, it can take over your life.

According to Psychology Today, the Fawn Response usually stems from childhood trauma. Some children respond to conflict by “making things right.” They tried to prevent abuse by doing what they thought would please the adult. They tried to be a “good kid,” no matter what.

If this sounds like you, one fantastic way to work through it is to talk to a licensed professional. Find a therapist that specializes in childhood trauma. They can help you learn why you are the way you are, and help you create a better life for yourself.

So, What Should You Do When Someone Doesn’t Like You?

First, realize it’s normal.

Then…

Do nothing. Move on.

I know what you’re thinking, easier said than done. I know many of you think you need to get people to like you. But it might require more time and energy than you are able to give.

If doing nothing isn’t for you, start small. When someone reaches out to you for a favor that you don’t have time or energy for, tell them the truth. Ask for more time. Tell them you don’t have the bandwidth to do it right now. If they push back, you might need to assess your relationship with that person. Try to maintain healthy boundaries and keep supportive people around you.

You can only control one person in your life — yourself. You can’t control how other people think, act, or how they perceive you.

And remember, if someone doesn’t like you, it’s their loss.