You Don’t Have to Feel Guilty If You Sometimes Enjoy Being Quarantined
Many of us feel guilty if we acknowledge that there are parts of the quarantine that we enjoy.
“I get knocked down, but I get up again, You are never gonna keep me down . . . He sings the songs that remind him of the good times. He sings the songs that remind him of the better times.“
- From Tubthumping by Chumbawamba
COVID-19 has ushered in a period of social distancing and isolation, fear of illness and potential death, grief and mourning and a general atmosphere of foreignness in almost every aspect of daily life. But if we are honest, there are aspects of our lives even when quarantined that we don’t just tolerate, but dare I say it, enjoy.
These days we don’t think of ourselves as being spoiled for ordering almost everything to be delivered to our doorstep. We don’t have to halfheartedly go to social events that we’d really rather just avoid. There’s no more commuting in rush hour traffic or taking public transportation when it’s packed. We can finally work from home without the need for the boss’s permission. We get to determine our own schedules. We don’t feel like we should be constantly on the go lest we become lazy. And even being lazy is now okay because we have the extra time that we aren’t commuting, going to social outings, or shopping.
If you are like me, you might feel bad admitting that these things are actually enjoyable or that they are special indulgences that make you feel decadent in ways you couldn’t or wouldn’t before the pandemic struck, and that you like the feeling. For me, every time I speak to someone or write an article, it seems like I should be focusing on the seriousness of the situation.
I am reluctant to confess there are certain things about being required to remain at home that I find to be positive or a relief as this would cause people to judge me harshly. I suppose this is what we mean when we say something is a “guilty pleasure.”
Maybe you similarly feel as if acknowledging any kind of positive emotions during this health crisis would indicate that you are a bad person for not just experiencing grief, fear, anxiety and/or depression resulting from social distancing or remaining in your home. It might seem like if you confess that you aren’t always sad or mournful regarding the large number of people who have become sick or have died, that others will see you as uncaring.
This is particularly the case for those who have lost someone to the virus. If you’ve recovered from the illness yourself, you might worry that you’ll be criticized as being ungrateful in light of all those who haven’t recovered. Perhaps you fear that if you suggest that you aren’t always thinking about the pandemic, that people will think there is something wrong with you.
It’s even possible that you find yourself thinking some of these things as well. Maybe you worry that you are antisocial or insufficiently able to empathize with others during times of hardship.
Possibly you fear what it says about your personality if you find positives in a situation causing others such emotional difficulty. The fact that these concerns don’t then prevent you from continuing to enjoy some of the things that you would normally find impermissible could make you further question the type of person you are.
The truth is that there is nothing wrong with you if you have found things that make you feel happy, relaxed, indulged or otherwise positive in the midst of such hardship. This has been a difficult thing for me to accept, especially in light of having financial problems due to the loss of a job that should have started March 1st and may not start until July or August if at all. Despite the fear about what I’m going to do to survive all this without an income and little savings left, I still find times that these concerns and other worries related to the pandemic fade into the background for a while and I have fun.
Admittedly, I won’t say that this occurs all of the time or even most of the time. But it does occur and it allows me to do things that I enjoy doing such as reading, playing online games with friends or watching videos and dance competitions.
The fact that I’m able to enjoy these activities while we are still sheltering in place and the virus continues to run rampant doesn’t mean that I don’t feel for others who are suffering. It’s not a matter of failing to care that others have lost friends or loved ones nor does it mean that I don’t care about the people that I know who didn’t survive the illness. It doesn’t mean that I’m being a hypocrite for being able to have fun while negating and dismissing what I went through when I had the virus thereby minimizing what others who have it are going through. It simply means that I am being human.
Humans are the most adaptable species on the planet enabling us to be the only one to spread to all four corners of the earth. We have gone through terrible times before including other pandemics and two world wars. Yet somehow, even during the worst times we have found ways to adapt to whatever the conditions were in order to still have meaningful and satisfying lives.
Part of this is enjoying life in whatever ways we can under the circumstances. We hear stories of people who were able to celebrate life in the worst of times. Friends found ways to maintain their relationships, the creative spirit allowed for the production of amazing works of art, inventions were conceived of, coming of age ceremonies and weddings were held, babies were born and children played childhood games.
None of this took away from us attending to the seriousness of the situation. But we never have complete control over everything needed to remedy these types of events and sometimes no one does. We do the best we can, then get back to finding a way to keep our lives heading in the direction that we want them to.
If we are unable to adapt aspects of even the toughest situation so that we can enjoy things we will stagnate. No matter what life throws at us, our species will always find a way to get through it. It’s how we are made.
Humans are nothing if not resilient and the ability to adapt well enough to maintain enjoyment in our lives even while in quarantine isn’t something we should feel the need to apologize for. We shouldn’t feel guilty about our ability to adjust to even the most difficult, frightening and tragic times. It is what speaks to our strength in being able to be knocked about and not just survive, but thrive.
It’s like the lyrics from Tubthumping by Chumbawamba say. So come on, let’s all sing it together!
Natalie Frank has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and often writes about coping with difficult life circumstances. She is an editor for The Partnered Pen & One Table, One World and is Editor in Chief for Promposity & Mental Gecko, both of which she created. She is also the Managing Editor for Novellas and Serials at LVP Publications. Her collection of poetry, Disguised I Breathe, In Love I Hold, can be found here on Amazon.
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