You Don’t Have to Be Part of a Social Movement to Have an Impact
Every day, you have a choice to make
Did you ever have anyone encourage your ambitions when you were growing up? Did you do that typical kid thing and express that you wanted to be an athlete, or a doctor, or even the President and found an adult who was perfectly willing to tell you that you could achieve it if you worked hard for it?
I didn’t. Almost every ambition I ever had was cut down, be it by family, coaches or teachers.
I once even stated the very modest goal of being a black belt martial artist, the reply to which was “don’t be ridiculous.” That was very typical. It was always an absolute that I couldn’t — the idea that one could practice and get better and with enough willpower achieve something wasn’t even on the table. I wouldn’t discover this was a possibility until I was about 23.
Now, that’s not to say I had a horrible or abusive childhood, not at all. What it does mean looking back is that I had an unconscious handicap placed on me from a young age. You know those wheel clamps that police put on your car if you park in the wrong area? Yeah, like that. Just like that clamp, I was stopped from going places. Part of this was the fact that I was taught to be a rules follower. I never did anything wrong, never dared to question adults or authority figures. So when I got told I couldn’t do something by an adult, I assumed they were right.
Now I’m not telling you all of this as some big sob story because I want sympathy. I’ve recently been listening to Michael Lewis’s podcast Against the Rules, and something really struck me about things he said that I’ve heard said by a number of other people at the top of their fields. All of them have one really important thing in common: they had adults in their lives that saw their potential and encouraged it. Whether it was a parent, a coach, a teacher, whatever, they were given crucial guidance that made them realise what they could achieve.
In fact in just a few podcasts with Lewis, I’ve discovered he had not one but three very important mentors as a teenager and young adult. Mentors that gave him life changing advice. In fact, he said of his basketball coach “I wouldn’t have become a writer if it wasn’t for coach Armstrong. It would’ve felt too risky, too hard.”
Treat a man as he is, he remains as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be, and he will become as he can and should be.
I’m willing to bet that you didn’t have that. I sure as shit didn’t. What those podcasts made me realise is that there is a severe shortage of guidance for most people in early life and then as a young adult. After watching The Last Dance and hearing MJ talk about his coach, his parents and the other mentors in his life, it really became clear just how much goes into making someone elite and how much luck is involved with those people finding their way into your life. Without the level of guidance he got, there’s a good chance that he never would have become as great as he did.
Just ask Josh Waitzkin.
A chess prodigy from a young age, as he approached his adult years he lost his love for chess because he was stifled by a coach who forced him into a style of play and practice that didn’t work for him. All that talent and potential wasted, because of one coach.
I don’t think we realise just how much a single person can change the trajectory of our lives for better or worse.
I remember in the army when I was still a trainee. I ended up in control of an entire field exercise of 30+ people because after a mock engagement, all the instructors “died.” Those of us still alive were spread out in formation, and a corporal was making his way around to each of us. When he got to me, I asked “corporal, what the hell is going on, who’s in charge?” The words he said next were life changing for me:
If you don’t know who’s in charge, you’re in charge.
The subsequent 5 minutes and the 3 days after that taught me more about leadership and what I was capable of than any course could have. I ran the entire exercise, I gave orders each day, I made decisions, and I even commanded during simulated combat. The confidence that this experience gave me was gigantic and stays with me to this day. Give me any assignment (as long as it doesn’t require specialist qualifications), whether it’s to run a company or to teach a class, and my attitude is “I’ll work it out.”
That’s all possible because this corporal - who I’d gotten in trouble with for making mistakes during this exercise, must have seen something inside of me. He sure as hell didn’t say what he said to anyone else.
I’m so glad that I heard those words. They’ve given me momentum and confidence that still carries through to today. But I didn’t hear them until I was 27 years old. Imagine what my life may have been had I heard them at 17, or even earlier? I don’t lament that kind of fact, but it’s an interesting one to ponder. And if I feel like my life would have been different had I heard them 10 years earlier, just imagine how many other people’s lives could have been remarkable had they heard such words at an early age.
What does all of this mean for you?
It means that whether we’re talking about children, proteges, direct reports, or even friends, you have far more influence than you can possibly imagine. The right thing said at the right time can change a person’s life for the better, so if you want to make the world a better place, consider it your duty to start by lifting other people up.
I remember Dave Tate (former elite powerlifter and now coach) saying in a video once that he’s not gonna tell some kid that he can’t make the NFL. He’s going to encourage it even if he doesn’t think it’s possible for a really important reason: if the kid doesn’t have what it takes, he’s going to work it out sooner or later on his own anyway.
But maybe the kid does have what it takes. Maybe not now — maybe he has a growth spurt in a few years, or has so much determination that he never stops until he gets a contract. But in this moment, Tate realises that he isn’t the source of truth in the universe and by giving his unnecessary opinion, he could crush someone’s very viable dreams before they take flight.
It’s interesting to me how many people say that they want to have an impact on the world these days. So many want to join or create some kind of social movement. No one seems to realise that you can have a huge impact every single day in the way you treat individual people as you make your way through life. You have a sphere of influence whereby you can choose to be the person who encourages people, or the asshole who shuts them down because their ambition or ability makes you feel jealous.
One of my proudest achievements is coaching a 43 year old mother of 3 to world records in powerlifting. In the space of just a year, she went from being timid and doubtful as to whether she belonged in a sanctioned competition, to showing a level of aggression and confidence on the platform that I could barely believe. The satisfaction for me wasn’t in anything that I did — I was aware from the start that I was working with some great raw material and all I had to do was help her to get out of her own way.
No, the satisfaction was in seeing a person rise to reach their potential.
She’d had coaches before who almost made her quit the sport. Imagine that. Imagine all that talent going to waste. Imagine her never having one of the best experiences of her life at her first nationals. Imagine her never growing into the person she is now.
We all have so much potential inside of us, but it needs to be handled carefully if it’s to be realised. Remember that as you go out into the world from today. Remember that people’s success and well being often hinges on the luck of having the right people in their life. I want you to ask yourself a really important question and really be honest with yourself right now.
Should the people in your sphere of influence consider themselves lucky to have you in their life? Why? What are you adding or taking away from their experience?
Remember that you have your own potential that can be realised, and you can help other people realise theirs. Be the voice of encouragement and possibility rather than cynicism and doubt, and start today.
The world needs it.
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