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Abstract

e%20of,possible%20for%20them%20to%20lose.">narcissists will not accept defeat</a>. They go to any length to show that their opinion and decisions are better and far more superior than yours. The superiority complex becomes their Achilles heel.</p><p id="9170">If someone rejects their opinion, you can expect a narcissist to sabotage the naysayer. They get ‘<a href="https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/how-narcissistic-leaders-destroy-within">reckless in pursuit of glory’</a> and don’t feel ashamed about their actions.</p><p id="9dee">For instance, my boss did not take no for an answer. No matter what happened, she would go out of her way to prove her superiority. We once caught her corrupting files instead of admitting her mismanagement. Even though this deliberate attempt to ruin the project cost the company.</p><h2 id="4124">Mood swings and shifting perceptions</h2><p id="e1a6">Your relationship with a narcissist will be hot and cold because of their fluctuating mood swings. One minute the person is happy, and the next minute are irrational and agitated.</p><p id="0ffd">The constant mood swings can delude you into believing that you are their most trusted confidant until their mind changes. It creates a deliberate false sense of security and a trail of broken promises.</p><p id="fc0f">My boss did this by treating us with a shorter shift during the holidays, only to cancel it by assigning extra work that day. She wanted us to enjoy the praise of rewarding the staff with going home early but then immediately assigned duties that would make it impossible to get out early. She deliberately set us up to fail. There was another time when she discredited a team leader’s work in front of the board members. That too, a day after, she appreciated the person in our presence. From that day on, we learned to take her words with a grain of salt.</p><h2 id="244b">Playing the role of a victor/victim</h2><p id="8ca8">Most <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202002/are-you-being-bullied-narcissistic-monologuing">narcissists are bullies.</a> These people can trample all over you when you get in their way. Yet, their self-importance and overconfidence do not stop them from playing the victim card. My boss never hesitated to blame others or rant about the pressure of sitting in the C-suite. She always undermined employee efforts when projects got approved, and revenue generation improved. During those days, her leadership and vision were the reason for our success according to her. She was a legend in her own mind.</p><p id="eccb">However, if a project failed, we were the only ones to blame.</p><p id="659d">In retrospect, her playacting made it easier for me to catch former President Trump and his <a href="https://theconversation.com/trumps-dangerous-narcissism-may-have-changed-leadership-forever-151184">narcissistic leadership</a>. If you hear his speeches or even replay reactions during the elections, you know his claims to ‘stop the count’ was nothing but an attempt to stall the process. He couldn’t (and still won’t) accept defeat. Since he could not be a victor, he became a victim of a rigged system.</p><h2 id="da00">Beware of the competitive streak</h2><p id="c56b">Life is nothing but competition for a narcissist. Partners often feel threatened when their significant other earns more than them or receives a compliment. They gaslight their better half into thinking that they would be worthless without the narcissist’s presence.</p><p id="02c1">As leaders, they are continually pitting themselves against supervisors, subordinates, and team members. Their egos get bruised if somebody on their team gets extra attention from a supervisor. Or if their colleagues get a bonus instead of them.</p><p id="626d">When that happens, they won’t hesitate to undermine achievement. My boss did this by bringing up past mistakes and dropping sarcastic remarks in the conversation.</p><h2 id="2169">Assertive body language</h2><p id="1f6c">Narcissists impose their presence through physical behavior and gestures. They have no qualms about invading someone’s personal space to enforce a decision or intimidating them with their deadly glares and stern look. They might even get loud whenever they take a defensive stance.</p><p id="e49d">When a boss or a partner behaves this way, the other person can’t help but shudder.

Options

Their all-imposing presence compels reluctant participants to follow their lead even if it compromises their dignity and self-worth.</p><p id="9384">If these situations sound familiar, there is a high chance you are dealing with a narcissist.</p><h2 id="e1fd">The game plan: How to protect your mental health?</h2><p id="1393">It took me less than a year to transform from an eager, bright-eyed, and optimistic professional to an anxiety-ridden mess. Each interaction and feedback left me perplexed and stressed. Even during her better mood days, I waited with bated breath for something to go wrong.</p><p id="9566">Before I knew it, my self-esteem and confidence began to diminish. My colleagues faced a similar problem. Not meeting our boss’s expectations, however unrealistic they may have been, meant that we had failed. <a href="https://www.talkspace.com/blog/6-ways-to-deal-with-your-narcissistic-boss/">Talkspace</a> notes that individuals suffering from narcissistic abuse can develop something similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).</p><p id="f338">The vicious cycle of abuse and insults affected my other relationships too. I became distant, unsure, and stressed. Eventually, there came a time when friends and family members started commenting on the situation. It got to the point where well-wishers told me to resign.</p><p id="1727">Yet, as a prey stuck on a spider’s web, I could not move.</p><p id="1571">Luckily, my support system was more substantial than the narcissistic boss. They did shift my focus and convinced me to quit.</p><p id="854c">However, many people don’t have the freedom to pursue another job or shift teams. They can’t inform Human Resources as it might get them suspended or fired. The uncertainty of our financial situation and the current economy are other roadblocks that make quitting impossible. Assuming that is your case, I have listed a few coping strategies to handle this situation.</p><p id="61a5">My tips can enable you to coexist in this hostile environment without compromising your mental health.</p><p id="ab33"><i>Here is what you should do:</i></p><h2 id="7207">Play the Game</h2><p id="c687">Many times, the best way to deal with a narcissist is to play along. If you are gearing for a promotion or want to stay in the office, you will have to tolerate their ego. Plan your escape route at the same time.</p><p id="07d7">Apart from this, do take note of their pet peeves and dislikes. Make sure you avoid these actions to protect your job.</p><h2 id="f109">Be kind to yourself</h2><p id="c2ed">Don’t let these egoistical bullies break your spirit and confidence. Understand that their comments and behavior doesn’t reflect your self-worth. Talk to someone if you find yourself overwhelmed with anxiety or depression. Venting helps release these destructive emotions and provides a fresher perspective on the situation.</p><p id="ee18">Additionally, indulge in self-love and self-care. Reflect upon your strengths and capabilities to boost your self-worth. Also, spend quality time with loved ones and engage in positive activities. These actions will automatically create a distance between you and the overpowering narcissistic behavior.</p><h2 id="3727">Focus on personal development goals</h2><p id="96dc">In the end, ask this question: Is the job worth it?</p><p id="2294">Relationships with narcissists don’t have to be your end-game. Recognize the opportunities and perks of working in this office and list them. Do the same with the stressors and cons of working in a hostile environment. If the benefits can’t outweigh the abusive behavior, you should consider resignation.</p><h2 id="160a">Final words</h2><p id="37a8">In the end, it is essential to learn how to deal with a narcissist. Whether it is a boss, friend, or partner, they will push you beyond the limits and set unattainable goals for you to chase. These individuals know how to twist realities and manipulate people without gaining a conscience, leaving many broken hearts in their wake. You owe yourself to plan an exit strategy out of this relationship.</p><p id="ccdf">However, if that sounds impossible, take steps to prioritize your mental health, and focus on self-care. Take caution and practice these techniques to make it easier for you to guard yourself when a narcissist stirs drama in your life. They are not to be trusted.</p></article></body>

You Don’t Have To Be an Expert To Recognize a Narcissistic Personality

Dealing with a narcissist in the work place

Can you lead a sane life with a narcissist?

Unless you know how to deal with a narcissist, you will not win. What’s worse is that most of us don’t realize that we are caught in a narcissist’s trap until it is too late. All you see is a charismatic and confident person when you first converse with this individual. That is when the constant mood swings, condescending tone, and unrealistic expectations overwhelm you.

Like a rollercoaster ride, the relationship starts on a high and then spirals. Each twist and turn makes you feel vulnerable and insecure. The longer the person stays in your life, the more challenging it becomes to evade their manipulative behavior.

How do I know?

I was one of the unfortunate staff that worked under a narcissist. The only thing I learned from that woman was identifying signs of narcissistic behavior and making a run for it. Yet, I was under her thumb for a significant part of my employment (we all were)!

With time I started developing coping strategies to deal with the situation instead of succumbing to it.

Hopefully, this article can teach you a few ways to deal with a narcissist and eliminate them from your life.

Newsflash! we have all met a narcissist

Whether you notice it or not, narcissists are present in our social circles, offices, and even on our TV screens. These individuals crave power and authority. Their grandiose, confidence, and charisma becomes a medium for them to attract an entourage of followers. They also know how to exploit people and positions to climb the ladder of success.

Scientific studies reveal that:

· Approximately 1–6% of American adults have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Other individuals remain undiagnosed, or they demonstrate mild tendencies of narcissistic behavior.

· Narcissism is more common amongst men (7.7%) than in women (4.8%).

· Reports show that female narcissists are more manipulative and ‘dangerous’ than their male counterparts.

Whether it is a partner, friend, or boss, interacting with a narcissist can take a toll on you. The question is, how do you spot a person and run for the hills before they entangle you into their web of narcissism.

While I am no expert in conducting a clinical diagnosis, specific signs of narcissistic behavior make these individuals easier to spot. Identifying these characteristics enables you to switch on the defense mode sooner rather than later.

Here are some warning signs to consider

They Have a Superiority Complex

Do you know somebody determined to prove they are always right?

A feeling of self-importance and grandiosity marks narcissistic behavior. This person will demean every idea, decision, and person that contradicts this belief.

No matter what you say and what kind of evidence you present, narcissists will not accept defeat. They go to any length to show that their opinion and decisions are better and far more superior than yours. The superiority complex becomes their Achilles heel.

If someone rejects their opinion, you can expect a narcissist to sabotage the naysayer. They get ‘reckless in pursuit of glory’ and don’t feel ashamed about their actions.

For instance, my boss did not take no for an answer. No matter what happened, she would go out of her way to prove her superiority. We once caught her corrupting files instead of admitting her mismanagement. Even though this deliberate attempt to ruin the project cost the company.

Mood swings and shifting perceptions

Your relationship with a narcissist will be hot and cold because of their fluctuating mood swings. One minute the person is happy, and the next minute are irrational and agitated.

The constant mood swings can delude you into believing that you are their most trusted confidant until their mind changes. It creates a deliberate false sense of security and a trail of broken promises.

My boss did this by treating us with a shorter shift during the holidays, only to cancel it by assigning extra work that day. She wanted us to enjoy the praise of rewarding the staff with going home early but then immediately assigned duties that would make it impossible to get out early. She deliberately set us up to fail. There was another time when she discredited a team leader’s work in front of the board members. That too, a day after, she appreciated the person in our presence. From that day on, we learned to take her words with a grain of salt.

Playing the role of a victor/victim

Most narcissists are bullies. These people can trample all over you when you get in their way. Yet, their self-importance and overconfidence do not stop them from playing the victim card. My boss never hesitated to blame others or rant about the pressure of sitting in the C-suite. She always undermined employee efforts when projects got approved, and revenue generation improved. During those days, her leadership and vision were the reason for our success according to her. She was a legend in her own mind.

However, if a project failed, we were the only ones to blame.

In retrospect, her playacting made it easier for me to catch former President Trump and his narcissistic leadership. If you hear his speeches or even replay reactions during the elections, you know his claims to ‘stop the count’ was nothing but an attempt to stall the process. He couldn’t (and still won’t) accept defeat. Since he could not be a victor, he became a victim of a rigged system.

Beware of the competitive streak

Life is nothing but competition for a narcissist. Partners often feel threatened when their significant other earns more than them or receives a compliment. They gaslight their better half into thinking that they would be worthless without the narcissist’s presence.

As leaders, they are continually pitting themselves against supervisors, subordinates, and team members. Their egos get bruised if somebody on their team gets extra attention from a supervisor. Or if their colleagues get a bonus instead of them.

When that happens, they won’t hesitate to undermine achievement. My boss did this by bringing up past mistakes and dropping sarcastic remarks in the conversation.

Assertive body language

Narcissists impose their presence through physical behavior and gestures. They have no qualms about invading someone’s personal space to enforce a decision or intimidating them with their deadly glares and stern look. They might even get loud whenever they take a defensive stance.

When a boss or a partner behaves this way, the other person can’t help but shudder. Their all-imposing presence compels reluctant participants to follow their lead even if it compromises their dignity and self-worth.

If these situations sound familiar, there is a high chance you are dealing with a narcissist.

The game plan: How to protect your mental health?

It took me less than a year to transform from an eager, bright-eyed, and optimistic professional to an anxiety-ridden mess. Each interaction and feedback left me perplexed and stressed. Even during her better mood days, I waited with bated breath for something to go wrong.

Before I knew it, my self-esteem and confidence began to diminish. My colleagues faced a similar problem. Not meeting our boss’s expectations, however unrealistic they may have been, meant that we had failed. Talkspace notes that individuals suffering from narcissistic abuse can develop something similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

The vicious cycle of abuse and insults affected my other relationships too. I became distant, unsure, and stressed. Eventually, there came a time when friends and family members started commenting on the situation. It got to the point where well-wishers told me to resign.

Yet, as a prey stuck on a spider’s web, I could not move.

Luckily, my support system was more substantial than the narcissistic boss. They did shift my focus and convinced me to quit.

However, many people don’t have the freedom to pursue another job or shift teams. They can’t inform Human Resources as it might get them suspended or fired. The uncertainty of our financial situation and the current economy are other roadblocks that make quitting impossible. Assuming that is your case, I have listed a few coping strategies to handle this situation.

My tips can enable you to coexist in this hostile environment without compromising your mental health.

Here is what you should do:

Play the Game

Many times, the best way to deal with a narcissist is to play along. If you are gearing for a promotion or want to stay in the office, you will have to tolerate their ego. Plan your escape route at the same time.

Apart from this, do take note of their pet peeves and dislikes. Make sure you avoid these actions to protect your job.

Be kind to yourself

Don’t let these egoistical bullies break your spirit and confidence. Understand that their comments and behavior doesn’t reflect your self-worth. Talk to someone if you find yourself overwhelmed with anxiety or depression. Venting helps release these destructive emotions and provides a fresher perspective on the situation.

Additionally, indulge in self-love and self-care. Reflect upon your strengths and capabilities to boost your self-worth. Also, spend quality time with loved ones and engage in positive activities. These actions will automatically create a distance between you and the overpowering narcissistic behavior.

Focus on personal development goals

In the end, ask this question: Is the job worth it?

Relationships with narcissists don’t have to be your end-game. Recognize the opportunities and perks of working in this office and list them. Do the same with the stressors and cons of working in a hostile environment. If the benefits can’t outweigh the abusive behavior, you should consider resignation.

Final words

In the end, it is essential to learn how to deal with a narcissist. Whether it is a boss, friend, or partner, they will push you beyond the limits and set unattainable goals for you to chase. These individuals know how to twist realities and manipulate people without gaining a conscience, leaving many broken hearts in their wake. You owe yourself to plan an exit strategy out of this relationship.

However, if that sounds impossible, take steps to prioritize your mental health, and focus on self-care. Take caution and practice these techniques to make it easier for you to guard yourself when a narcissist stirs drama in your life. They are not to be trusted.