You Can’t Tell if Your Newlywed Wife is a Virgin

How misinformation about a small tissue is causing women so much trouble

Women are held to different standards than men. This is nothing new, even in the 21st century. The idea surrounding women being “pure” and “unpure” has been around for a very long time. The purity of a woman is solely based on virginity, that is, the state of never having sexual intercourse. Although virginity is a concept that can be applied to any sex, this concept is mainly discussed when speaking about women, specifically unmarried women. In some cultures, it is very important for women to be a “virgin” upon marriage. This idea holds so much significance that some women are even killed if it has been discovered that they have engaged in premarital sex.

But how can one know about their spouses' virginity, unless the spouse themself mentions it? Misinterpreted science has lead people, both male and female, to incorrectly believe that virginity can be identified in females on the night of the wedding.

The Myth.

“Men can tell if their female partners are a virgin”

This virginity myth is based on a structure called the hymen. The hymen is a tissue that partially covers the outer opening of the vaginal canal and is believed to break and bleed the first time an individual has sex. So the night of the wedding, the husband should be able to tell if their wife was a virgin or not. Virginity was assessed based on the presence of blood after sexual intercourse.

However, the idea of the hymen breaking upon sex is untrue. As Nina Dølvik Brochmann and Ellen Støkken Dahl mention during a TedTalk, the hymen is like a scrunchie, in its shape and elasticity. It is a rim of tissue that is located around the vaginal canal and in most women, has the shape of a half-moon, which allows for blood flow out of the vagina during menstrual bleeding. However, the hymen is not always shaped like a half-moon and can vary in strength and size between women.

Although the breakage of the hymen during sex is possible, and bleeding does sometimes occur as a result, this is not always true. A study performed on 36 pregnant girls, which was discussed in the previously mentioned TedTalk, showed that only two had a broken hymen. That is to say, 34 out of 36 girls had an intact hymen even though they took part in sexual intercourse. Some women, do not even have a hymen, while for others, the hymen does not break, and even if it does, this occurrence is unnoticeable and painless. Some women do not bleed following the tearing of the hymen, while some women simply are unaware that the hymen is even broken. Women can be unaware of the hymen breaking because it also can occur for reasons unrelated to sexual relations, such as horseback riding, and the use of tampons.

The danger.

Women all over the world are shamed for their sexuality. In some cultures, this is more significant than others because the sexual history of women is a significant factor in determining their societal status. In many European countries, women are expected to be chaste, any indication of straying from the typical qualities of a “pure” woman, could be detrimental. This misinformed belief that bleeding occurs after the first time a woman has sex, is often used as an indicator for the husband to determine the purity of their partner. In some Arabic cultures, not being a virgin could lead to honour killing by the womens’ own family members such as uncles, brothers or their husbands.

In fear of being humiliated, divorced or even killed for not bleeding on their wedding night following sexual intercourse, women sometimes seek medical assistance for hymen reconstruction procedures, also known as hymenoplasty. During this procedure, patients are placed under anesthesia, and any torn skin around the border of the hymen is removed, while the remaining tissue is stitched together. This procedure, although not invasive, does pose some risks. Some women purchase fake hymen kits, or even vials of blood online to mask the broken hymen. Major online shopping sites like Amazon sell Artificial Hymen Kits for less than $200 CAD. These methods can be extremely costly, and sometimes may not even work.

In a study, they mentioned a story of a Turkish girl who came to the clinic for a hymen reconstruction procedure. She was in a forbidden relationship with another boy and was left with no choice but to resort to this procedure.

“I couldn’t talk about it with anybody. In our community, there is so much gossip. I do not trust anybody. I was so afraid that my older brother would discover the relationship. I was sure that he would murder both of us. I felt that I could do nothing else but commit suicide. After my attempt, I was admitted to the hospital and, even then. I did not dare to tell my story to the psychiatrist. I did not trust her either.”

One study published in The European Journal of Contraception and Reproductive Health Care assessed why women sought hymen reconstruction, educated women about the false beliefs regarding the hymen, and informed women of safer ways to “solve” this problem. Here, they found that most of the women who still opted in for the reconstruction procedure did it because although they understood and believed the misinformation regarding the hymen, they felt that there was nothing they could do to change their culture, and so would still be expected to bleed on the wedding night. It is not really the idea of bleeding on the wedding night that is important to women, rather it is the fear of the shame brought to them by their community, that pushes women to seek alternative ways to attain, what is believed to be, the “typical” hymen.

Unfortunately, despite various health care professionals and researchers coming out and defying this myth, there are still clinicians around the world who are unaware of this myth, and as a result, continue to feed onto the idea of virginity testing. By incorporating hymen reconstruction procedures, and virginity testing, the clinicians themselves are reinforcing this virginity myth. There was even an instance where a women’s marriage abroad had been cancelled because the doctor had declared that she was not a virgin.

It can also be dangerous when misinformed clinicians are performing forensic sexual assault examinations and determine an individual's history of consensual or nonconsensual sexual intercourse based on the state of the hymen. For example, Yezidi women who were kidnapped and raped by members of ISIS were forced to undergo virginity testing to prove they had experienced sexual violence. The examination can potentially cause victims to relive the trauma, degrading them even further. Not only can this be extremely humiliating, but it can also lead to increased suicide rates. Several suicide reports have indicated that women are so embarrassed and humiliated to have to go through this process, that they decide to take their own life than be subject to this testing.

Following virginity tests, even if the woman is deemed a “virgin” by the doctor, having to have gone through this procedure is seen as bringing dishonour to the family, and hence subjected to punishment. It seems as if women have no way out.

What happens now?

Although countless research shows that hymen is an extremely variable structure, many physicians continue to practice methods made to “fix” an individual’s virginity, unconsciously feeding into the hymen myth. However, stopping these methods is not necessarily the solution because these procedures may be the only way out for women who could be subjected to violence and death if they are not able to prove themselves as a virgin. One thing that can be done is to educate individuals who may be vulnerable to these beliefs — let people know that virginity cannot be known by others, only known to the individual themself.

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