Sexuality
You Can’t Have Sex with Everyone You Meet
Be safe by following these 15 guidelines
“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands.” ― Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
An Exciting Discovery
A sixty-year-old friend of mine admitted she was not straight last year. She explained she is attracted to every human: men, women, gay, straight, binary, trans, whatever. I’m no longer sure what she labels herself, but I still call her my friend.
Pat* is a bright, intelligent, driven woman. She has never been married, successful, and has no children. As we grew older, she was the most non-sexually active person I knew. Very little dating. She lived alone her entire adult life.
We invited her on our girl’s out-and-about trips, but she never came. Now, she admits she did not party with us because she desired our crew. She worried that during one of our wild sleepovers, she might confess or more. She eased that worry by not attending. But I’ll bet she would attend now.
Pat called me because she is doing anyone who asks. Anyone. This new sexual freedom has infected her with an appetite for new adventures. I think she is making up for the lost time. She wanted me to validate her actions. I could not. She needs to establish criteria to stay safe. No one cares how many people she makes love with. We care she is safe.
Pat is using various online dating services.
“More than 40 million Americans use online dating services or dating apps. As is the case when meeting someone new, whether online or offline, it’s wise to keep a few safety precautions in mind. Dating apps don’t conduct criminal background checks on users, so it’s up to each user to determine if they are comfortable meeting up with someone.” — rainn.com, Online Dating and Dating App Safety Tips
Safety is Fundamental
We talked about how to stay safe with a few ground rules.
1. Ask about their vaccination status. You need to know.
2. Someone must know whom you are meeting, when, and where.
3. Tell your date someone knows where you are and whom you are dating.
4. Meet in a public place.
5. Don’t get drunk. On anything. Watch your drink.
6. Your date’s actual name.
7. A selfie with new friends sent out to the rest of us when you are going spur of the moment.
8. No alleyways, parks, or cars for doing the do.
9. Drive your own car to the date.
10. Don’t give personal details about your life until you feel comfortable with the person.
11. Don’t post encounters.
12. Use a unique dating photo on apps. NOT any of the ones on your other profiles.
13. Leave if you feel uncomfortable.
14. Always carry your phone with the location tracker on.
15. Know the Angel shot rules and use them if you must.
“If you’re on a date and feeling threatened, ordering an “angel” shot could save you. It works by going up to the bar and asking for an angel shot neat, and a bartender will escort you to your car. Ask for it with ice and the bartender will call an Uber for you. Order it with lime and the staff will call the police.” — ksat.com, Here Are Some Rules To Stay Safe While Dating
Pat did not know about the Angel shots, so our discussion was good. My nieces educated me.
Anyone unwilling to abide by the guidelines does not get a taste. We agreed she could add me to the list of people to text information.
Now she is headed out to live her best life. I am happy to see her finding her true self, even if that authentic self is hitting it constantly! You do you, girl. Be careful out there.
Toni Crowe retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has written six books, two of which won the 2019 Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, “Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting With His Dick in His Hand?” was one of the winners. Her first book, “Never a $7 Whore” was the other.
