You Can’t Go Home Again, but That’s Not a Bad Thing

There are positives to change

There was the most incredible Mom & Pop Mexican restaurant not far from my high school in Southern California.

The burritos were so good I could eat there every week, and I did for years. My career eventually took me across the country, but I would still go there whenever I came back to visit my family.

Until one day, it was gone.

I pulled into the weed-strewn parking lot to see that their sign was covered, the doors were padlocked, and the windows were boarded up. I sat in my car for at least a half-hour, a bit sad but also grateful for the fantastic meals I had eaten there.

The restaurant was on the street where my friends and I went cruising on Saturday nights, so I took a drive. Things had changed more than I expected, and I saw nothing but strip malls and Target stores.

It was time to say goodbye to my hometown. I only wanted to see it in my mind’s eye the way it was 40 years ago.

My wife is having a similar moment.

It was just announced that Macy’s is closing over 150 stores, including the big one at Union Square in San Francisco.

We always go to this Macy’s on our Christmas date nights, and we would marvel at the lighted wreathes in the dozens of windows facing the square.

This is the store where my wife first sat on Santa’s lap. It’s the store where she bought her prom dress and had her ears pierced. This store is also known for its window displays, sometimes including kittens and puppies you could adopt.

The two of us are handling these changes differently. She’s feeling the loss more than I am. Meanwhile, I’m approaching this the way I always do. If you’ve read my work, you know I usually find a silver lining.

Change is a part of life, and I concede that sometimes change can be a heartless son of a bitch.

Things we love, places we love, and people we love all eventually move on. Change can come when you least expect it. For example, the pandemic shook up everybody, forcing us to change on a global scale, with every day looking different than the one before.

We tend to resist change with everything we have. The status quo is comfortable, and we understand it, while change is scary and unpredictable. You may have fought valiantly to keep the home button on your iPhone, and you may still be listening to Journey.

But think about change this way:

Change is merely a reminder that we must continue moving forward.

Since we can’t go back, this sets us free to enjoy discovering new things. We are free to live with hope and wonder at what may be coming our way.

You can visit that other little hole-in-the-wall restaurant you’ve been dying to try. My wife and I recently took a chance and tried an Afghani restaurant, not knowing what to expect. The food was magnificent. Try the Kadu.

Change means you can chase new dreams and make new friends along the way. Change is a fresh start, a new adventure.

And don’t use age as an excuse. I know that as we get older, loss becomes far more common, but you shouldn’t let it diminish your curiosity about life. In the latest episode of the Crow’s Feet podcast, author and poet Jean Feldeisen talked about the many ways she has reinvented herself in her life and how she’s still doing it in her 70s.

There are even times when change has to happen. Imagine that from here on out, everything will stay the same as today. Then think about all the problems we currently have. For things to get better, we need change.

How you feel about change comes down to how you frame it in your mind.

Even in the face of terrible change, there is opportunity. After 40 years as a voice actor, I’ve lost my voice, the one thing I’ve always identified myself with. While I’m frightened to try, this has given me the freedom to choose other things I’ve always wanted to do, like writing.

You have the power to decide how you feel about change, and you‘re going to have to choose because, like death and taxes, change is constant and inevitable. While you can try to decide how you want to feel on a case-by-case basis, you’re still going to gravitate consistently to either good or bad.

Why not embrace change? Make it your friend and search for how it can improve your life.