You Can’t Become Happy, You Just Have To Be Happy

Why we got success and happiness all wrong.

Many people seem to believe that the goal in life is happiness. This, of course, implies that happiness is something you need to work for. And like any other “work”, it requires doing a great job, scoring great success, and ultimately, reaching that great happiness.

We’re taught to work hard since we are little. We work hard to earn our parents’ praises, our teachers' good grades, our employers' appreciation, our partners’ love. Can you see how your happiness is always tied to someone else and always requires that you achieve something?

What if you take out the “come” from “become” happy? Can it really be that simple as the song says — “Don’t worry, be happy?”

Lazo Tzu believes so when he says “Be happy with what you have. When you realize that nothing misses, the whole world is yours.”

Same with Steven Wright, who urges you to make a mental exercise and ask yourself what would you do once you get everything? He says “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”

And Neil Pasricha, author of “The Happiness Equation”, reduces the concept to its whole essence — “want nothing”

We Got Success and Happiness All Wrong

The whole idea behind the book called “The Happiness Equation” is that when you want nothing and do everything, you have everything.

The author goes to show how we got success and happiness all wrong, thinking that in order to unlock the latter, we need to achieve the former. And he urges us to do the opposite, which is to unlock our inner resources of being happy and watch success happening in the most natural way.

Think about it. When you work hard and hit success, are you happy? Like, really happy? If so, for how long? How long until you set yourself a new goal? And hop on your wheel again, to work even harder, to achieve even bigger success, so that you’ll be happy for just a little longer next time?

That’s right. We always want more. What we have is never enough. Our happiness isn’t coming any closer. Because with every new thing we want, we push it even further.

But if what everybody is telling you is wrong, what is right? Neil Pasricha says it’s right to just be happy with what you have, without wanting for more. Once you’re happy, it’s easy to do great work, whatever that work may be. And success will come along.

So, you don’t need to run for happiness. You need to stay where you are, be happy for what you have, and build from there. Without breaking your neck for it.

Do We Need To Look Death in the Eyes To Remind Ourselves?

I guess we do. Because the imminence of death is the only experience that makes us realize that nothing is as important as we think it is. And that everything we worked so hard for wasn’t something that made us happy. And it is certainly not something we can take with us.

If anything, we want to be reminded. Everything that is written on our headstone isn’t about how much money we earned, our last position at a fancy job, or how many houses or cars we bought. It’s about how we want to be reminded. Some of us like to be reminded as good friends. Others as devoted partners. Many want to be reminded as beloved parents.

On that very last day, we want to have people around us and to still be reminded by them the next day. Everything else is blowing in the wind.

My father-in-law passed away this spring. I’ll never forget the image of him lying on the bed, just hours after he found out his stage-four cancer diagnosis. The tears running down his cheeks. The words floating around the room. He said — Some people run all their lives. They never stop. Not even for a day. And for what? Others don’t bother with anything. In the end, it’s the same for all of us.

He was from the first category. Running all of his life. Never stopping. And in the end… Well, you know the story. It’s the same for all of us.

Happiness Is a Dancing Dwarf Only if You’re Drunk

The truth is that happiness doesn’t look like anything we imagine. Because imagination is about the things we picture us having. While happiness is about the things we already have.

Happiness is in the stillness of a moment when you tell yourself that you are enough and you have enough. Happiness is when you slow down so much that you can hear a snail eating a leaf for breakfast.

That’s when you become aware of the wonders of this world. When you’re one with it, and you can call yourself lucky enough for being. Because you may stop being in the very next moment.

But I digress. So, I will leave you with this thought. Slow down and listen for the snails. You might discover you don’t need to run anywhere.

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