You Can All Breathe a Sigh of Relief: The Biggest Idiot to Ever Live Has Been Located and Identified

The true face of ignorant evil has revealed itself.

Sorry to say upfront that it is a female. I do so respect the female of the species more than the males. I generally find them more intelligent.

It is just an unfortunate circumstance that THE BIGGEST IDIOT WHO HAS EVER LIVED also happens to be female.

And a Texan. Ah, another bone of contention.

I know how many of you feel. I, once again, disagree. Texans are not the stupidest people in all of creation.

Let me show you. Get out a map of Texas.

Divide the state into two parts vertically so that you have 2 sections, west and east. Notice that all the population centers Houston, Austin, Dallas, and San Antonio are in the eastern section.

People in the central economically viable educated part of Texas think that Texans from the west are generally unsalvageable.

I believe Hillary called them deplorable. This is where you find your stereotypical backwards redneck dyed-in-the-wool Republican Texan. He has a fourth-grade education, has probably lit his farts on fire and has a 100% chance of owning a pair of blue jeans and a baseball cap.

The residences of Dallas and Houston do not identify with these people. At least not easily. We may be related by blood, but that’s about as far as it goes.

But I am digressing, being overly apologetic for the politically incorrect accusation of my revelation: the fact that, THE STUPIDEST PERSON WHO EVER LIVED just happens to be a female Texan.

If it were a male Californian, I would have had to be equally apologetic for completely different reasons. I’m not sure whether to blame or thank God for her decision on this accolade.

At least I’m not an atheist and I can blame God for my inspiration. So, here it goes.

I was innocently watching YouTube in my Houston home.

I entered the search term, “living in Corpus Christi,” as my topic of interest for the evening.

After gathering some initial foundational information, about an hour and a half later, that’s when the Powers of Stupid and the Powers of the Divine and Supernatural stood battle in the Astral plane of my living room.

The Powers of Stupid were represented by a journalist.

A local journalist from Corpus Christi as far as I can tell from the information I have gathered thus far. I don’t want to know her name or background yet. It protects my innocence as I declare her IN THE MANY NAMES OF GOD, THE STUPIDEST PERSON WHO HAS EVER LIVED.

I know, the competition was fierce. So many, many stupid people have graced us with their presence. Many of them outspoken, adamant, stubborn, self-righteous, and hard of hearing. From the beginning of time, I assure you that not many of them were Texan. About 50% of them were female.

What earned her this infamous long avoided title?

I’ve given you some information that you could make an educated guess. What information do we have so far? SHE is a TEXAN. SHE is a JOURNALIST. I was REPULSED by her INTELLIGENCE. I was watching YOUTUBE.

Initially, I felt sorry for her. She was assigned a story she obviously didn’t want. She was told to report on reasons not to move to Corpus Christi. She had to come up with a Top 10 list of reasons not to move to Corpus Christi.

My empathy for her first-world problem didn’t last long since she started to speak over my television giving her report.

You may think I would have been more receptive to her idiocy if it wasn’t for the terrible grating nasal quality of her voice, but no, I disagree. Despite the tone of her voice mimicking the sound of nails on a chalkboard, she wasn’t reading Shakespeare.

The superficial level of her research and her bubble gum chomping, hair twirling level of vocabulary only barely foretold the horrific abuse of brain matter and language that would come later on in her count as she said, “Number 10,” starting her long and arduous countdown to number 1.

Please forgive me now as I turn back to the YouTube video, confronting my tormentor, and reliving the abuse I suffered as I quote numbers 10 through 1 in her most unsatisfactory report regarding reasons not the move to Corpus Christi.

Czech, ne, Slovac! Czech, ne Slovac! Buda, nem Pest! Buda, nem Pest!

You’ll have t excuse me for a moment. I was having flashbacks to previous East vs. West societies I’ve lived in. Do you remember Czechoslovakia? I lived ve’ Praze’ in the Czech Republic after they split from the Slovaks.

I also lived on the Buda side of Budapest after the fall of the Berlin Wall but before the arrival of the Euro.

It’s things like this that I reflected upon while listening to this “reporter” start her shitty list.

A list, I’m hoping lands her in HELL once I finish my report on her reporting.

Some of the songs have time. Some of the songs take up space, like the one above on the River Danube. All I recall, I was listening to U2 on my balcony in Buda in the rain gazing down upon the river Danube.

“Top 10 Reason why Corpus Christi, TEXAS is the Worst city”

The video is 8 minutes and 45 seconds.

Number 10: HOUSES

“They are building everywhere”

Yeah, because when I am looking to the future, looking to invest in a new property, move to a new location, I hate the idea that they are economically viable and expanding. I wish they were stagnating and depressed instead.

Many, many times I will skip several other points I can make while she makes nasally noises in the background. This report is long enough.

NUMBER 9: NO SEASONS

I am watching from Houston, not New Hampshire.

“If you are expecting four seasons, you’ll be in for a let down. ‘

Talk about not thinking and putting in as little effort as possible.

NUMBER 8: LOW PAY

The income here is about 12% lower than the national average.

I am a remote worker. It’s a new trend since Covid. Perhaps you’ve heard of it.

NUMBER 7: SCHOOLS

“Texas is one of the best states in the union for home schooling.” Okay, kill your own argument right out of the gate.

NUMBER 6: THE CRIME

“The crime rate is 17% above the national average.

(I am watching from Houston where crime is 30% above the national average.)

An aside, just in case you walked down the wrong side of the wrong bridge:

Your statistical witchcraft does not concern me, journalist whore. I am a Master Statistician in the employ of the Pharmaceutical Industry. You are but a mere junior reporter from a local news station in Corpus Christi. The seventh largest market in Texas, and the 114th largest market in the United States.

Pffft!!

PFEAR ME, YOU SHOULD!

NUMBER 5: SEVERE WEATHER

Use your words, “Texas all over is subject to severe weather.”

Again, I’m watching from Houston. Who do you think is watching, Corpus Christi reporter? (Again, there is so much more that could be said.)

NUMBER FOUR: THE SCORPIONS

Here I am, Rock you like a Hurricane

Okay, answer me this:

How many machine guns do I need to hold back the Scorpion invasion?

NUMBER THREE: BAD DRIVERS

Are you in the Philippines? Are you in Peru? Are you in China? OMG! What an entitled white girl!

Do you have statistics to back up your claims? Because I do.

Did you divorce your husband because he likes DC comics and you like Marvel?

“Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home.” (Do I need to apologize to Millennials?)

Okay, Karen, do you mind if I call you Karen? Your voice was making me sick enough. You’re supreme ignorance, even though you are admittedly Texan, is sad.

Then again, it was the Power of Stupidity vs. The Power of The Divine Supernatural. What did I expect?

You know what the stupidest thing is? This Earth.

That sucks.

And the number TWO reason not to move to Corpus Christi?

IT’S DIRTY

You should really watch the video at this point. She is saying this with a pristine background which looks like it was provided by the Corpus Christi Board of Tourism. It’s all green/blue filtered and shiny clean, not a cloud in the sky and certainly not a McDonald’s bag on the ground anywhere to be seen.

I lost my sympathy for her being assigned this story somewhere around number 5.

I thought she could have at least put some effort into it. After number two, I was feeling pretty pumped up, speaking logically, of course. There was no way I would be suffering defeat tonight. At least, not in my head.

When I think dirty, I think, well, let me translate this into American:

When I think dirty, I think Mexico City. I think Detroit. I think homosexual erotica. I don’t think of the crystal blue water beaches of Corpus Christi, Texas.

Before we get to number one, I should mention this at some point between number three and number one I was overtaken and possessed by the spirit of Truth and Righteousness and stomped past my television and spoke out loud against my will, “You ARE the STUPIDEST person who has EVER LIVIED!”

Even now, four hours and three margaritas later, I feel that it is very likely that that was a statement of truth. I mean, I don’t know this reporter woman. Perhaps, she is just that stupid. Maybe, in God’s reality she is much, much stupider than she sounds right now.

To finish this God-awful report:

NUMBER ONE: SPRING BREAKERS!

Yeah. The number ONE reason NOT to move to Corpus Christi according to the anti-Genius involved two weeks in the Spring when 50,000 college students come to town and party for spring break.

Give me a break.

I would choose Corpus Christi, Texas over Kabul, Afghanistan any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

I realize that this report alone does not make her the stupidest person who ever lived.

But it does go a long way towards establishing that fact.

What her reporting reveals about her thought process can inform us of the decisions she has made in private about her choice in husbands, or decisions she is likely to make regarding her sexual practices or choices of what to eat for breakfast.

If the average American were as her in this report, we’d be in a shit load of trouble.

(If we are indeed in a shit load of trouble will be left to the readers’ interpretation. I feel vulnerable and unable to ascertain our actual situation. )

Only the good Lord knows the true extent of her idiocy, your idiocy, and my idiocy.

Let’s just all take a deep breath and a timeout about this time. Should I reveal her name to myself? Not just yet. Will you discover her name for yourself before I do for myself? For what purpose? What is the meaning of life? What is our purpose here upon this Earth?

Tread carefully, but for the Grace of God, go forth I.

The Grace of a Turbulent God, as far as I can see as she expressed herself through me.

Her Judgement, which I am sure is pure, is lacking detail.

Details, however, I could recover for myself should I chose to do so.

But for the grace of God go you and I.

What’s in a name?