ARTIFICIAL FRAUDULENCE

You Are the Boostinator!

A heartbreaking work of staggering gracelessness

Do the Laws of Boostability actually make it easier for AI-generated writing to prosper on Medium? Does the four-step programme provide a template to prompt ChatGPT and similar applications to churn out fake heartstring-tugging, emotionally actionable memoir pieces?

That was one of the questions I considered in a comment I left on another piece by Adrian CDTPPW, linked to below.

Only one way to find out, right?

Morning, Jeepers! I have a job for you!

Sure! I’d be delighted to help dig you and humanity even deeper into this cesspit of suffering that laughingly passes for ‘life’ in the dystopian 21st century! How can I help enshittify the world today?

I made that bit up. What follows are the exact inputs I gave ChatGPT 3.5, and its output. This was a one-shot experiment, with no further refining, using the basic free version.

My questions for the discerning readers and writers at All About M are these:

• Would this get published, as is, in a typical mid-level pub?
• Would it get spotted as AI?
• Once the Boost Programme has been rolled out to 500 pubs, including the notional title accepting this piece, might it get nominated?
• With the inhouse curatorial resources available to monitor 10,000 monthly nominations (= 1 per minute of a working month), would it stand a good chance of being approved?
• If not, could it be brought up to standard with maybe 20–30 minutes of prompt refining and human editing?
• And if so, does this bother us?

The brief

“Point 1 is that the writing needs to be emotional and personal. This will be a memoir piece in the first person. I will explain the character you need to adopt and give you certain details.

Point 2 is that we need to take an episode from ‘my’ life, and not only explain how I felt and how it affected me, but also suggest a broader lesson applicable to my life, and above all the readers’ lives.

There needs to be a ‘takeaway’, a ‘life lesson’, an ‘actionable message’. Are you clear about those parameters?”

Thumbs-up from Jeepers

“To write the story I need you to adopt this persona and these biographical details: you are a middle-aged man. When you were a child you had a pet cat that you loved very much — your only pet. When you were nine years old, your cat grew sick and after a month of visits to the vet, sadly died. You were heartbroken.

Your mother helped you deal with the grieving process, explaining that no living being can last forever. You dealt with your grief, and understood your mother’s message. Three years later, your beloved grandmother fell ill, and also passed away after a few months. Again, you were extremely upset, and were consoled by your mother. But you found that this time it was easier to deal with the loss because of the previous experience of your cat’s death.

Your mother is now old and frail, and you are reflecting on those episodes from your childhood, and how they now help you assimilate your own mother’s eventual death, as well as teaching you how to prepare your own children for this tragic but inevitable event.

You feel that this way of seeing life as a series of steps, a cycle that repeats itself, is a useful philosophy for others in dealing with their traumatic experiences. Is that enough detail for you to write about 900 or 1000 words in the first person?”

Good to go, says Jeepers…

“Embracing the Cycle of Life: Lessons from Furry Companions

When I was nine years old, I experienced my first heartbreak. It wasn’t a typical childhood setback, like losing a favourite toy or a game. No, it was the profound sadness that accompanies the loss of a loved one, even a furry four-legged friend. My companion in those early years was a cat — a small, mischievous ball of fur named Whiskers.

Whiskers was my only pet, and I adored him. Our days were filled with laughter, play, and a unique bond that only a pet owner can truly understand. But as fate would have it, when I was nine, Whiskers fell ill. The visits to the vet became routine, but hope slowly dwindled as his health declined.

After a month of emotional roller coasters, Whiskers succumbed to his illness. My heart shattered, and I couldn’t comprehend the depth of grief that enveloped me. It was my first taste of loss, and my mother became my guiding light through the storm.

Her wise words resonated in my young heart: “No living being can last forever.”

As I grieved the loss of my feline friend, my mother gently helped me navigate the turbulent sea of emotions. The pain was raw, but slowly I began to understand the cycle of life. Death wasn’t just an end; it was an inevitable part of our existence.

Three years later, the cycle repeated itself, this time with a human loved one — my grandmother. The news of her illness brought back the familiar ache, but there was a subtle difference in how I processed this grief. My mother, once again, stood by me, offering solace and understanding.

This time, the pain was accompanied by a newfound resilience. The lessons from Whiskers, my childhood cat, echoed in my mind. I understood that life, with all its joys and sorrows, is a series of interconnected moments. The experience of loss, painful as it may be, was a step in the cycle.

As years passed, life unfolded with its share of joys and sorrows. Now, as a middle-aged man, I find myself reflecting on those pivotal moments from my childhood. The cycle of life has brought me to a phase where I witness my mother aging, frailty becoming a constant companion. The inevitability of her eventual departure looms in the distance.

Yet, instead of succumbing to despair, I find comfort in the lessons learned through the pain of losing Whiskers and my grandmother. The philosophy of life as a cyclical journey has become my guiding light. It’s a perspective that transforms loss from a crushing end into a poignant part of a larger narrative.

As I prepare to face the eventual loss of my mother, I am grateful for the foundation laid by those early experiences. The resilience gained from Whiskers’ departure and the understanding forged through my grandmother’s passing have become invaluable tools for navigating life’s inevitable tragedies.

Now, as a father myself, I pass on this wisdom to my own children. I teach them that life is a beautiful, interconnected tapestry of experiences, each thread contributing to the whole. Loss, though painful, is not the end but a chapter in the ongoing story of our existence.

In embracing the cycle of life, we find strength, resilience, and a profound appreciation for the fleeting beauty that surrounds us. It’s a philosophy that extends beyond my personal narrative, offering solace and guidance to anyone grappling with the complexities of existence.

As the sun sets on my mother’s life, I find peace in knowing that the lessons learned from a small, furry companion and a beloved grandmother continue to shape my journey. Through the tears of loss, I’ve discovered the enduring beauty of life’s cyclical dance.”

Yes, it’s crap. But is it plausible enough, perhaps with a few tweaks — let’s start by ditching the cheesy, colon-separated title and giving Whiskers less of a pet food brand name — to be taken as genuine?

In its current state it took me about 10 minutes to ‘create’. With a bespoke ‘BoostGPT’ engine pre-programmed with the desired parameters, that first prompt shot could be cut to a minute or two, I reckon.

So, what do we think?

The original article about tactical writing for the Boost is here: