You Are Not Worth It Part 1
No, you are really not
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I know you want to rush to the comments section, eager to give me an earful about how I don’t know you, and how I cannot possibly define who you are.
Or that I cannot know your worth!
But if you do that, will you ever know if you are, in fact, worth it?
Am I worth it?
Not so long ago, I made it to the final stage of a grueling interview process for a job that would have been a dream to have. I worked very hard to get to this point.
I was sure that I had it in the bag. On the final assessment day, I was confident, poised, and knowledgeable. My technical skills were on, my people skills shone through.
The group session went well. I spoke clearly, offered good ideas, and showed that I could leave my ego at the door and cooperate with the better ideas of others.
I nailed it.
I could see no conceivable reason as to why I shouldn’t get that job. I was perfect for the role. Experienced, good with people, smart and willing. I was everything that they needed and more.
I was worth it.
You know where I am going with this, don’t you?
You’ve read enough Medium articles to understand the format by now. The title of the article, The Pride Before the Fall.
Well, you’re right.
I didn’t get the job.
No, I’m not worth it
I’m sure that you’re feeling great sympathy for me now.
Your anger has subsided, and your deep empathy is urging you to rush to the comments and comfort me, telling me that everything will be alright.
Tell me I am worth it.
But I’d ask you to refrain, and simply keep reading. And that’s because this simply wouldn’t be true. You see, not getting this job has done a lot for me. It helped me to see the truth. The truth, so simple, yet so harsh, that in my 40 years on this planet, I have avoided it at all costs.
The truth that…
I. AM. NOT. WORTH IT.
Oh, I know that it’s their loss. I know that their multi-million-pound company will simply fail without me. That a biting sense of loss shall envelop the erstwhile happy developers, twisting their souls in an egregious cacophony of malady and salt.
But, you know that’s not true. You know what that is, don’t you?
It’s cope.
It’s cope that I didn’t get the job. I’m not there now, loving the work, getting paid, and enjoying the most interesting option of adjustable desk height.
Simply put, I wasn’t worth it to them.
However, I may kick and scream and sulk and pout, that is the truth. For some reason, they didn’t want me. Maybe because of ‘culture fit’. Maybe someone’s coding skills were better. Maybe my age.
Who knows?
But, if I had been worth it, I would have the job.
Simples.
The ‘I’m worth it’ fallacy
It is a simple if statement.
Let;
V be ‘my Value’
N be ‘Need for value’
If V >= N:
“It’s TRUE, I’m worth it!” 😃
Else if V < N:
“It’s FALSE, I’m not worth it!” 🙁
And that’s it!
If my value is less than another’s need, I’m not worth it!!!
No amount of platitudes, self-care, inspirational quotes, or sympathy will change that fact. If I’m not worth it, if my value isn’t high enough, then I won’t get it.
And this is why ‘I’m worth it’ is a fallacy. It is based on an invalid inference. The inference is that another is obligated to find worth in the value in what I offer.
And that obligation simply does not exist.
You have to want whatever I am offering. If not, then I’m not worth it to you.
What is ‘value’ exactly?
Good question! Glad you asked, because we get to clear this up, right here, right now.
Value is not what I want. Nor what I can take or receive.
Value is what you want.
The question is, can I give it to you?
My Javascript skills are pretty tight. I know a lot about designing API routes and documenting them clearly. I can find the bug when your card component is rendering the same image pulled from said API.
The problem?
You’re a baker, and need someone who knows about yeast, ovens, and icing (I have no idea about baking).
So, do I bring you value?
No, not really. Why would you give me a job when the skills that I offer are not part of your ‘need’?
This is a very clinical example, but you see my point. Worth is not something that exists in a vacuum. I am not just worth it, I am worth it to someone.
Or I am not.
So what is ‘value’ then, exactly?
It’s what others want and will take from you. Will you get something back? Maybe. If the other is willing to pay that price. If not, then no. But then you shouldn’t give anything to them if they offer anything to you.
This is the reality of human relationships. All of them. Employer to employees, lover to lover, friend to friend. All relationships are an exchange of value. Some are one-sided, some very one-sided, some balanced.
But every relationship is a value exchange.
And without value, you have no worth in a relationship of any kind.
So, are you worth it?
Sometimes. Sorry, that is the best that I can do.
Sometime in your life, you have made and kept a friend. You’ve gotten a job, you’ve found a lover. But other times, you haven’t. Or you’ve lost them. So, you’ve either offered the value and been worth it, not been worth it, or not maintained the value and ceased to be worth it.
This is not an article proclaiming that no one is worth anything. Rather, it’s to point out the fallacy of worth. It is different from self-worth. The feeling of self-worth isn’t a concept I’m railing against.
But the notion that I am just ‘worth it’ is nonsense. If it were true, then I am entitled to many, many, many instances of compensation. And I’m sure that you’d be too. But am I?
Are you?
Or should we all realise that, no matter how great we feel about ourselves, nothing is free? And that it is always a buyer's market, and we may not always be selling what the market wants.
‘Cos, you know, I’m worth it.
About me
- I will write for claps 👏
- I love to read your comments — keeps me mindful of my writing
- Always interested in reading new things, so let me know about your work
- Followers are in short supply (hint, hint)
- And, as always, I’m grateful for your time
