Your Pathway to a Life of Authentic Freedom

I had just finished the third, in a seemingly long series of personality tests. Much to my dismay, I found the results to be flawed yet again. My scores showed that I was nearly equal on all personality types listed. I joked with my friends that this was because I was so well-rounded (as though my results were something to be admired). Years later, I realized the results indicated that I had no idea who I was. My confusion went so deep that I could not decipher the different possibilities provided in the answers to the questions on the personality tests. So fractured was my sense of self that I had no idea how to bring any meaningful change to the situation.

Through my experience, I believe we must have a starting point for transformation. I longed to know myself in my early adult years, but I had no idea where to start or how to navigate that journey; the origin was missing for me. To go on a journey, we must know where we are before we can begin.

I am not good with maps, and I look with awe upon those who enjoy using a paper map. And, let’s be honest, I don’t need to be good at maps because my friend Siri is always available to show me the way! She even tells me what lane I need to be in long before my turn, and helpfully adds the location of those sneaky red-light cameras used to catch people who think a yellow light means speed up! Recently, we visited Suncadia Resort in Washington State, which, unbeknownst to me, is the Nirvana of the adult world. Suncadia will suck you into its orbit faster than you can say “where’s the wine bar?”. I may or may not have found myself talking to one of their real estate agents about building a home while we were there! Suncadia is a gorgeous, but confusing, place to navigate and we were forever stopping to look at the handy maps they had posted throughout the property. The first thing I would look for is the big “You Are Here” dot because, without that dot, the map is virtually useless because it lacks perspective.

Those who seek to live a life of authenticity need to locate our “you are here” markers. We need to become clear about where that big dot is because it gives us a starting point for growth and transformation. Authenticity is marked by growth and transformation. Maps bring context and perspective only if we know where we are on the map, to begin with. Once we have that perspective, we can chart a course that makes sense for us. Sometimes we take the scenic route and other times the quickest way possible, but either way, we need the perspective of a starting point. Charting a course toward transformation and authenticity is ours alone to create. Thankfully, there are resources out there that can help us along the way. Whether that be a good therapist, a good friend, or a good book, help is available. But, we alone are responsible for embarking on that journey and finding our waypoints as we travel.

I have always envied people who inherently know who they are. I have friends from stable, healthy environments with families that spoke value into their lives from the moment they were born. You may be someone with that type of experience, which is lovely. Finding your point of origin will be much easier for you! For those of us with traumatic or disconnected upbringings, finding our starting point will not only be more difficult, but it may also be an emotionally charged process. I have done a fair amount of therapy and inner healing and I still find painful memories crowding to the front of my consciousness as I write. I have been caught off guard more than once by my responses to these memories surfacing.

As you look back, in search of your starting point, give yourself the freedom to feel whatever comes up for you without attaching a story to it. Meaning, don’t attach a good or bad label to your emotions or thoughts and don’t create a narrative surrounding your feelings. View emotions and memories, if you can, as a waypoint — a clue — giving you directions to the starting line. Remember, you are on a quest to find your “you are here” dot and once you find it, you’ll have the opportunity to pick up the key that will unlock the next part of the process.

The failed personality tests were a clue for me. An indication that something was amiss inside of me, and that clue nagged at me in the deep recesses of my soul. Once I started to listen to that faint voice, it became clear that I could not move forward in my healing until I understood what lay behind me. I do not believe it is possible to live authentically free without an awareness of who we are at our core. And, to see that core, we must peel back the layers of experience, wounds, and trauma that have impacted our hearts. Without that awareness, it would be like planning a road trip while staring at a map that didn’t include the “you are here” marker. Without that starting point, there is no perspective and no context to determine which direction to travel.

I’m not a fan of dredging up memories for the sole purpose of ruminating on them. What is essential, though, is walking back to soar forward. The fact is, our traumas and our experiences inform the person we are today. What we need to figure out is whether that is the person we want to remain going forward.

So, with this in mind, are you ready to begin the journey for your starting point? This journey will look different for each of us, and it is futile to try to mimic another’s journey. Permit yourself to walk at your own pace and take the route that works for you. Seeing yourself is not about uncovering the details and events that make up your past. It is about understanding how your experiences have shaped your beliefs, perceptions, and ultimately your current identity. We are not the sum of our experiences and, we do not have to be defined by them. You may want to read that sentence again.

Many of us have walked in the false perspective that we are the sum of all of our experiences and choices. I would encourage us to recognize how our experiences have impacted our identity and sense of value. Everything we experience informs and impacts our identity but, we alone create the identity we wish to live from. Once we are clear about how we are operating out of a perception formed by our past, we can ask ourselves whether the current reality accurately represents who we want to be.

This journey of self-discovery is sometimes tedious and other times instantly enlightening. It may be both deeply painful and joyously exhilarating. Seeing yourself clearly, and understanding how your past has informed your present, is the key that unlocks the door to experiencing an authentically free life.