Yoga: Just Relax and Do it Right, Asshole

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Abstract

/i>I don’t like to give up.Ask my wife about when we’d play rummy together. Even the inanimate playing cards were telling me to quit after my 18th consecutive loss. So, I kept at it (yoga, not rummy). I learned that I had muscles I never knew about. I’m almost 40, and you can imagine how angry those muscles were when I finally started paying attention to them after years of neglect.My wife and I now do (most, in my case) of her routine daily. I don’t fall down as much as I used to. I’ve even gotten to the point where I don’t have to half-ass (most) poses.Full disclosure: I have pieces of green duct tape on my yoga mat (yep — I have one) so I don’t cheat in regard to foot placement.I feel good. I’m stronger and more limber (something I never thought I would say). I’m still working on the restorative/meditation part. These are elements that are tough to conquer when I’m trying to remember which leg to lift, and there are two kids in the other room throwing live hand grenades at each other (at least that what it sounds like).My wife, however, can tackle all of the elements of dealing with a husband wading into the meditative sea:Physical Health: “I can still kick your ass. Watch how long I can hold this pose.”

Options

Emotional Health: “I’m still at peace even though someone just spilled a gallon of orange juice onto the kitchen floor.”Dealing With Me: “We ALWAYS start with the right leg — why is this such a recurring issue for you?.”Like all esoteric communities, the yoga community can get quite jerkish.“You know how I know you don’t have a job, YouTuber? Because the fact that you can do the Crumpled Lotus means that you have been practicing for 80 hours a week for 8 years. Let’s just go back to that dog face pose.”<h1 id="8b4a">The mental side</h1>That said, while I am still working on the mental side of yoga, I am improving the physical side, and inching my way in that direction. The best part, however, is how I see my wife. I’ve always loved and respected her for what she does and how she lives, but…seeing her physical strength, her mental strength (achieving peace while two kids are shooting roman candles at each other while yelling at me re: the wrong arm) is awesome. Yoga, if nothing else, has made me realize that I have been a negligent steward of several muscle groups, and taught me more about my wife.That’s marriage.If I am being honest, yoga has also taught me that gravity is still a thing.</article></body>

Sore muscles can be transformative for health and relationships

My wife has been doing yoga for several years, and has a daily routine that would kill most humans. I know this because I tried it. And it almost killed me. Luckily my “Willingness to Accept Defeat” gene is strong, and I tapped out before my heart, spleen or left lung exploded. Seriously, if you are on one of those drugs that daytime TV ads warn you about re: impaired judgement…DON’T START YOGA. You might not realize that every muscle is going to forcibly eject itself through your skin.

Detective: “Have you determined the cause of death?”

Medical examiner: “I’m just now looking at the file and….what? They were on a prescription drug and tried to do yoga? The cause of death for this dude is being a moron.”

I don’t like to give up.

Ask my wife about when we’d play rummy together. Even the inanimate playing cards were telling me to quit after my 18th consecutive loss. So, I kept at it (yoga, not rummy). I learned that I had muscles I never knew about. I’m almost 40, and you can imagine how angry those muscles were when I finally started paying attention to them after years of neglect.

My wife and I now do (most, in my case) of her routine daily. I don’t fall down as much as I used to. I’ve even gotten to the point where I don’t have to half-ass (most) poses.

Full disclosure: I have pieces of green duct tape on my yoga mat (yep — I have one) so I don’t cheat in regard to foot placement.

I feel good. I’m stronger and more limber (something I never thought I would say). I’m still working on the restorative/meditation part. These are elements that are tough to conquer when I’m trying to remember which leg to lift, and there are two kids in the other room throwing live hand grenades at each other (at least that what it sounds like).

My wife, however, can tackle all of the elements of dealing with a husband wading into the meditative sea:

Physical Health: “I can still kick your ass. Watch how long I can hold this pose.”

Emotional Health: “I’m still at peace even though someone just spilled a gallon of orange juice onto the kitchen floor.”

Dealing With Me: “We ALWAYS start with the right leg — why is this such a recurring issue for you?.”

Like all esoteric communities, the yoga community can get quite jerkish.

“You know how I know you don’t have a job, YouTuber? Because the fact that you can do the Crumpled Lotus means that you have been practicing for 80 hours a week for 8 years. Let’s just go back to that dog face pose.”

The mental side

That said, while I am still working on the mental side of yoga, I am improving the physical side, and inching my way in that direction. The best part, however, is how I see my wife. I’ve always loved and respected her for what she does and how she lives, but…seeing her physical strength, her mental strength (achieving peace while two kids are shooting roman candles at each other while yelling at me re: the wrong arm) is awesome. Yoga, if nothing else, has made me realize that I have been a negligent steward of several muscle groups, and taught me more about my wife.

That’s marriage.

If I am being honest, yoga has also taught me that gravity is still a thing.