Fiction | Mashups | Pirate Stories

“Yo-Ho-Ho, and Anchors Down.”

A short story

This is a response to Monday Mashup #33. More details at the end!

As they closed in on the base of the sea cliff, one of Parvin’s oars thumped against the rock, and scraped across the youthful pirate’s own leg, breaking the skin.

“Om-nom-nom!” cackled Xerxes from the other side of the rowboat, gazing at Parvin’s bloodied knee. “Reminds me of a sweet red apple.”

“Damn it.” Parvin pulled out a black handkerchief and dabbed the wound.

“I’ll lick that blood if I could,” said Xerxes. “This vapor-body can’t eat anything, but I think my tongue could at least taste it...”

“Be silent. If I must put up with a ghost for a shipmate, you could at least be helpful, and look out for the rocks.”

“Parvin, have a bit o’ sympathy! It wasn’t my fault those three witches cursed me to this living death.”

“I mean, it kinda…” began Parvin, then fell silent.

Xerxes glared at his companion. “Well? Kinda what, exactly?”

Parvin turned the boat, and rowed on along, not wishing to point out once again how frequently his companion had pestered the witchy trio prior to their necromantic act. He guided the boat along, staying just a few feet from the cliffs. “Our belts and swords be rusted brown,” he began to chant as he rowed, then glanced up Xerxes.

Xerxes did not respond; he was now whistling discordantly and out of time with the shanty while staring at his ghostly fingernails.

“Our belts and swords be rusted brown,” continued Parvin in a gruffer voice. “Yo-ho-ho, and anchors down.”

Silence fell as Parvin stopped rowing. Xerxes had now leant right back in the boat with his feet up and begun scratching at his ethereal groin, but looked up to notice his companion glaring at him.

“Am I… annoying you, Parvin?”

“Well…” Parvin scowled, then spat over the side. “Seeing as how I have to do all the actual rowing these days, it’d be good if you could at least join in wi’ the shanty.”

“Fair enough,” said Xerxes, in a slurping voice. “Ahheee…hehe! Anchors! Waaaooo!!”

Xerxes’ wailing contribution to the song was as shrill as a seagull, and Parvin nearly dropped the oars in his haste to cover his ears. He snarled at his former companion. “You know, things were much better…” he began.

“Huh?” Xerxes leaned forward, staring suspiciously at his shipmate.

Parvin fell silent once more, starting to row again. He now stared at his boots as he went, without a word of song.

“What were you about to say, huh?” whined Xerxes. “That it was better when I was alive? Don’t I just know it…”

But the ghostly pirate fell silent, realizing that Parvin had stopped once more, and was urgently hushing, a bejewelled and tattooed finger across his lips. Having gained Xerxes’s attention, Parvin pointed up towards the cliffs.

Xerxes’ head twisted right around to look.

There, just ahead of them on the clifftop, three red-cloaked figures were standing. But they were roped together, their hands tied behind their backs, and a pirate — who Xerxes recognised as their arch-rival Captain Darkspear — held the trio at the point of a cutlass.

“Vile wenches,” Darkspear bellowed. “This is the night that I finally slit your accursed throats. This will live long in memory, and…”

As the pirate captain continued, his voice became too quiet to be heard from below.

“Hmmph,” said Parvin softly, bringing the rowboat yet closer to the rocks. “Revenge on the witches by the hand of our enemy? Works for me. We’ll get to watch their very corpses splash down.”

“No.” replied Xerxes. And moments later, without stopping to formulate a plan, he was clambering up the cliff-face — a manoeuvre that his relative lack of mass made much easier than it would have been.

“Xerxes,” hissed Parvin urgently from below. But the young pirate was unable to intervene, as doing so would have meant abandoning the boat. “Curse you, my friend,” he muttered furiously, before settling back. “I’m sure it’s a pointless errand, anyhow.”

As Xerxes reached the top of the cliff, he saw that Captain Darkspear still held the cutlass towards the witches’ throats, and was listing grievances in a low voice. “And for the time you turned our supplies to maggots,” he said, “and the time you caused the north wind to blow for our whole voyage. “Ye, and the time you sabotaged my beach acroski team, and the time you got me banned from The Gloating Goblin. That last one is the worst crime of all! I miss their goblin grog.”

“If you’re going to kill us,” cried Tiffany, the lead witch, “then do it now, and be done with it!” Despite her brave words, she and the other witches had by now retreated to the very edge of the cliff.

“Ahheee… Waaaooo!” Xerxes rose up by the side of Captain Darkspear and wailed into the pirate captain’s ear. The captain yelped in alarm, dropped his cutlass, and fled.

Xerxes spun to confront the witches, ready to share his own litany of grievances and guilt trips.

But Tiffany had taken one step further back… and there was no more rock beneath her feet. As she plummetted backwards towards the water, her roped-together companions were dragged after.

“”Yo-ho-ho, and anchors down,” murmured Xerxes, feeling his body start to become corporeal once again as he heard three splashes.

Writing challenge concluded… points tally:

Main prompt
Your protagonist is a ghost (2 pts).

Constraints
A scary creature says "Om-nom-nom!" (Xerxes being a ghost counts as scary creature; 1 point).
A red apple (knee described as, 1 point).
Wailing (by Xerxes, 1 point)
Three witches (1 point)
This box (1 point)

Hardcore constraint:
Take revenge on someone! (2 points)

Literary Device
Illustrate a fable within your story (Parvin's claim of "I'm sure it's a pointless errand, anyhow" is a reference to the fox and the grapes – 5 points)

Kraken Lore Mega Bonus
"Everything's better with PIRATES!" Explain why with a short sea shanty in your story! (10 points)

TOTAL: 24, if I counted correctly. And I'll grab another by the point of my cutlass! Yar, and yo-ho-ho!!

Thanks for the challenge, Jonathon Sawyer! I hope that Jillian Spiridon gives it a try next.

Readers, you can find more of my fiction and poetry here (at least the ones I remembered to add to the list) as well as articles about creativity writing and author skills right here.