Summary

The text reflects on a personal journey of self-discovery and emotional growth, transitioning from dependency on a romantic partner to self-love and independence.

Abstract

The author recounts a transformative experience, beginning with the joyous memory of meeting someone special, which brought about a sense of freedom and limitless possibilities. As seasons changed from summer to winter, symbolizing the departure of the beloved, the author faced loneliness and doubt but ultimately learned to cultivate self-love and resilience. The journey from feeling incomplete to realizing the power of self-validation is detailed, emphasizing the importance of internal sources of love and happiness. The narrative concludes with the author's realization that while love for others is important, self-love is the foundation for personal strength and the ability to love others genuinely.

Opinions

The author believes that one's sense of wholeness and happiness should not depend on external validation or relationships.
There is an emphasis on the individual's capacity to generate feelings of love and worth from within, independent of others.
The author suggests that personal growth is a solitary process, where one must take active steps to improve oneself and cultivate positive thoughts.
The text conveys that love for oneself is not selfish but necessary to truly love and respect others.
The author reflects on the idea that romantic relationships may not always align with personal fantasies or expectations, and that's acceptable.
The experience of transitioning from needing external love to embracing self-love is described as a powerful and beautiful process.
The author acknowledges the human tendency to become infatuated but also the importance of recognizing when a relationship is not meant to be.
The author maintains that love can endure even when one realizes that a romantic match is not present, highlighting the maturity and acceptance of the reality of relationships.

Ying and Yang

Winter to Summer

I remember when I first met you.

It was a glorious time.

The light changed to a golden hue.

The world was limitless.

The trees were still green with leaves.

My horizons and boundaries disappeared.

I was free.

I was floating on air.

I could do anything.

I felt so great.

Filled with endorphins and dopamine.

Then winter came.

You went away.

I was sad.

Could I make it on my own?

Would I be able to transition?

I took a chance.

I decided to strike out on my own.

And continue on my own.

I cried many nights.

Missing you.

But, I realized I could love myself.

I didn’t need to have you by my side.

To make me feel whole.

I discovered, I can realize my own love chemicals.

In my own mind.

Just by loving myself,

As much as I loved you.

But, I discovered,

I did not need to have external validation.

I didn’t have to have someone tell me,

It was okay to feel love.

To give me permission to feel good.

To allow me to feel whole.

I can do this on my own.

Even if I feel down.

Or introverted.

Or just want to hide from the world.

I can still feel love from the universe.

I learned from you that I didn’t need to have you,

Tell me that I was special or wanted.

I realized I could make it on my own.

That I can feel special and wanted.

Even if I am alone.

It doesn’t mean I want to be a hermit.

I love people.

But, I also know I don’t need to give someone,

The power to make me feel special.

I can do that myself.

I can make my own decisions about how to live my life.

You will always hold a special place in my heart.

But, I know I was putting too much pressure on you.

Even though you probably didn’t realize it.

I wanted you to love me.

But, I know love comes from within me.

You loved me the best way that you could.

But, you couldn’t fill my void.

You couldn’t make me whole.

You couldn’t fix me.

You couldn’t transform me into the person I want to be.

I have to do that myself.

I am the one who has to take the actions.

I am the one who makes me feel better.

Who makes me feel wanted.

Who takes the actions to think positive thoughts.

Love thoughts.

Happy thoughts.

It sounds silly.

But, I had to make a choice to feel sad.

Or, not.

Whenever, I went to the places where you went.

Where I knew you might have gone to.

The world is small.

You are in my area.

I might not see you,

I love you.

But, I don’t own you.

You don’t own me.

We have to work on ourselves.

We have to take the actions of love.

Loving ourselves.

And respecting each other’s space.

I grew a lot.

Going from winter to spring.

Then going into summer.

I am stronger.

I have grown as a person.

I have be in my transition for half-a-year.

I am strong.

I learned I didn’t have to have anyone,

There to make the changes I want to make.

I can.

It is a powerful lesson.

Love is the universal power.

Love yourself first.

Like putting an oxygen mask on,

Before helping someone else.

When I am filled with love,

I am better able to love others.

The same goes for others.

Love yourself.

Strengthen your self love.

I do realize that you are not perfect.

I realize I am imperfect as hell.

It is a beautiful thing.

I might not have been everything you wanted.

But, I can be everything I need.

For myself.

Because I love myself.

I will always love you too.

But, I realize we were never meant to be.

Despite all of my fantasies .

It seems silly now.

But, I think it is part of being human.

Lost in infatuation.

Feeling high on love.

It is a great feeling.

But, that doesn’t last over time.

I know now.

You probably didn’t even realize.

Maybe you did.

But, it is something I will remember.

The rest of my life.

I will love you.

But, I know we weren’t a match.

And, that is fine.

Love,

🦄 Chris Hedges, BA, JD, is a photographer and writer. I am an editor at ILLUMINATION. I also own Unicorn Labs and Publisher’s Spotlight.