Yesterday I Mourn You

Yesterday you became a fossilized time, a desolate landscape of overgrown gravestones

Outside, the streets are empty, and the night’s rain shimmers on the pavement. Police sirens wail in the distance, and I cease pretending that I have erased you from my mind.

I feel your absence as a vast, cavernous emptiness inside me, a yearning for your hug and physical closeness. I mourn you each time I avoid you at a distance of six feet as if your nearness will cause me ill health.

For too long, I lived like your departure was temporary, like your promises preventing me from ever really leaving or arriving.

You left me without warning. How was I supposed to know that you are only short-lived, a phase? How did I dare to believe I deserved to get away with your fleeting happiness?

When you said that you cannot always give me what I want from you, that the odds are stacked against me, I didn’t believe you. Yesterday, you didn’t come with a manual. You didn’t show me the way. You didn’t prepare me. And I learned. I learned that the longer I waited for you to come back, the more painful the wait was.

This I know for sure, that once you linger in the yesterdays, you are condemned to a life among the dead — never to return.

Yesterday, you have riddled your promises with flows. You are only transitory. But I miss what you had to offer. In the end, we just said goodbye. I remember thinking that maybe I could argue my way out of this. But I am caught in the jaws of something much too powerful.

I try to imagine my life in the future

I cannot see anything because anything that isn’t at this moment is beyond me. I feel deep sadness, maybe because the day is drawing to an end. There is only so much nostalgia I can produce, only so much sadness I can hold inside of me.

There is only one thing to do

I accept life’s gift and wash away the past, all thoughts, and fears of the future, and all that remains is now, bright and ever-dancing. It feels like a promise, a promise for new beginnings.

With this thought in mind, I feel weightless, like a leaf released into the air. If only the lightness would last.

If you liked what you’ve read here, visit a couple of my other stories. I’d love to see you there. And thanks for your support!