Yesterday I lost a Hug

Summary

The author reflects on the importance of close friendships and the comfort of hugs when in need of love, especially in the context of feeling isolated due to life changes and the pandemic.

Abstract

The author discusses the emotional impact of losing the ability to receive physical comfort from close friends, particularly in the form of hugs, due to relocation and the natural evolution of relationships. The article delves into the author's personal experiences with friendship, the changes in social interactions post-retirement, and the challenges of forming deep connections as an introvert. Despite the difficulty of not having close friends nearby, the author finds solace in memories, virtual connections, and the unconditional love of pets. The piece concludes with the author's assertion that while virtual hugs are appreciated, they cannot replace the warmth of a hug from a dear friend, and that love can also be found within oneself and in cherished moments spent in nature or with friends, whether in person or in memory.

Opinions

The author values the emotional support provided by a small circle of close friends over a larger network of acquaintances.
Retirement and the passage of time have led to a decrease in the author's social interactions, particularly within circles of couples.
The author has embraced their introverted nature and made lifestyle choices that have consequences on their social life.
The author believes that the bond with certain friends, even those at a distance, remains strong and provides emotional sustenance.
The author finds that pets, especially dogs, offer a unique form of unconditional love and companionship.
The author emphasizes that the memory of special moments with friends can be a source of love and comfort in their absence.
The author expresses that while technology allows for virtual connections, it cannot fully replicate the physical connection of a hug from a close friend.

Monday Tropical Prompt: Write about a place to go when you need love

This was a very timely prompt like so many that Diana comes up with. I woke up this morning with my left eye swollen to almost being shut. I went to an urgent care center to find I had contact dermatitis, I had come in contact with poison ivy or something like that. I got and took the prescribed medications and used something for the itch, but I have felt a bit unfocused all day. When I started writing this post I realized it was because I have temporarily lost one of my hugs.

There are several people here I can still call on if I need a hug, but not one of my inner core. I realized that although I travel from place to place every one of those places feels like home because there is an inner circle hug or two there. There is a person or two that I can share whatever I want or need. I guess it is common when you grow older, especially if you are single, to have fewer people you commonly interact with. My circle of people I regularly do things with has dwindled since I retired eleven years ago. Not just because I retired but also being single where I might have been included before it is less often I would be asked to be involved with something involving couples. If other single people were going then more likely. I would talk to many teachers and people I worked with if I was having a rough time or they would seek me out if they were. If you needed a shoulder or a hug when you were involved with their daily lives it was just easier to do. I also stopped going out to bars and such as often after I retired. Whereas then all coming from the same general area and going to the same general area it was easier to take turns being the designated driver. Driving myself would mean I would socialize and not drink at all which I sometimes do, but not as often as people go out. I made choices and with those choices there are consequences. I also embraced my introverted self and worked out much more often.

I have always been the type of person that had just a few very close friends. I had other general friends, work friends, and acquaintances but only a few that I would rely on when I needed love or care. Most have changed over time. For many time eventually took its toll. It was not like it is now where you have instant contact and long-distance call used to cost a lot of money. There was no internet. Some left on their choice and when that happens you should let them go out of love. Some have passed on and are just in my heart now. Only Gerry, who in August I will have officially known and been close to for sixty years has been the constant.

Since I now live where none of those hugs are, this question hit me hard. None of the people I have always relied on for those deep dive chats are here. All of those very close friends live a distance away from me. This has happened twice in my life before, when I moved away to go to university, and when I moved down here to teach. Both of those times I was much more extroverted than I am now. I can meet more people like that here and I might. I have found for me those types of friends are different from the beginning. You grow deeper with them but if you get to know them and don’t feel that special bond, you can’t force it. I have people that I interact regularly with some through Skype and some in person. There are not inter-sanctum people though. They are not the people I share my deepest issues with but certainly are people who can and do give me loving support. The eighteen-month social lockdown did not help either.

In the past, I would say the place I go to or be when I needed love was with these types of people or my dogs. The best part about having a dog is unconditional love. You can share anything or nothing with them. They are naturally empathetic and tend to cuddle and snuggle without being asked. Just walking with your dog can lift your spirits.

The place I now go when I need love is inside my heart. I may contact one of those close people and share what is going on but for the most part, I go inside and those people are there. I can think of special moments and memories and feel the love I need at the moment. Talking with someone is sometimes helpful and needed and when that is the case these close friends or my mom are my go-to. It can’t always be immediate and I or the mark out time when needed for me or me for them. The one thing I am going to miss until I am near one of these close friends is a genuine long hug from one of these special close friends. There is no feeling of love like that. Cyber hugs are wonderful but will never replace the loving arms of a dear friend when you need love. A hug is the best medicine.

Sometimes I will go to a special place in nature, but right here those types of places are hours away. I guess it is time to answer the prompt because I didn’t want to pin myself down on this one. My go-to place when I need love is to be with a dear friend to enjoy a long warm hug and a long deep conversation. My home in Romania has a view that is special, sitting outside or on my terrace talking with a dear friend while enjoying that view and having my beloved owls nearby. That not being possible I go to a beautiful place in my past or present with a dear friend or friends past or present in my heart and mind. There are plusses and minuses to living alone but this is my complete answer.

Peace be with you