Summary

The web content discusses the importance of understanding one's deep-seated motivations, or "why," for making life changes, particularly in the context of personal challenges such as sobriety.

Abstract

The article emphasizes that while initial motivation for change can be strong, it often wanes over time due to life's distractions and stressors. It suggests that to maintain momentum, one must delve into the core reasons behind the desire for change. The author illustrates this through personal experiences with attempting to moderate alcohol consumption and ultimately seeking sobriety. The narrative progresses from acknowledging the common fizzling out of motivation to the transformative power of a profound "why." The author outlines a three-step process for discovering one's compelling reasons: starting with surface-level whys, swimming into deeper reasons, and finally diving into the whole ocean of purpose. The article concludes that evolving one's understanding of personal motivations is crucial for making lasting changes and showing up authentically in life.

Opinions

The author believes that superficial reasons for change, such as wanting to lose weight or pay bills faster, are insufficient to sustain long-term motivation.
Emotional stressors can easily derail one's efforts if the underlying purpose for change is not strong enough.
Understanding the deeper "why" can lead to a more purposeful and meaningful pursuit of change, as exemplified by a man's passionate rendition of "Amazing Grace" when connected to his purpose.
The author advocates for a methodical exploration of one's motivations, suggesting that asking "why" multiple times can lead to more profound insights and a stronger commitment to change.
The concept of "living a wholehearted life" is presented as a powerful and overarching reason for embracing a sober lifestyle, transcending the initial reasons for quitting drinking.
The author acknowledges that the process of discovering one's "why" is ongoing and that it's acceptable to continue refining one's purpose and intentions over time.

Diving Into Your Reasons Why

Reasons change over time.

You want to make a change. That’s great! So you join a challenge, sign up for a fitness class, or set goals to achieve your dreams. You’re motivated, excited even, to get started. You put the first class on your weekly calendar, and you show up. You feel like you are well on your way to achieving the intended action step.

After about two weeks, you drop off. Appointments get scheduled. You get stuck in traffic. You forget to pull out the chicken. Life happens, and you start saying things like, I’ll just go tomorrow. Tomorrow turns into days. Days turn into weeks, and suddenly, you have stopped working towards that said change you wanted to embody in your life.

I know all too well about this fizzle of motivation. For many years, I tried to moderate my drinking by taking breaks. I’ve intended only to drink one glass on Fridays, but what do I do with the rest of the bottle? By Sunday, I would find myself just repeating the drinking cycle. I was stuck. I couldn’t get past the ten-day hump.

Why? There are many reasons. But one significant reason I kept failing at staying sober was neglecting to look at why I wanted to get sober in the first place.

The Power Of Your Why

We all have reasons for doing things. You want to relax, so you watch your favorite TV show. You want to lose weight, so you skip the sugar and cream in your coffee. You want your kids to eat healthily, so you pack their lunch every day. These are good reasons, but is it enough to hold up when stressed, stuck in traffic, hang-ry, or thirsty? Is what you are doing going to propel you into living your best life?

The power of understanding your reasons for doing something only can be found from within. And when you find it, it will affect how you show up in life.

Take, for instance, the guy in this video. If you don’t have 4 minutes to watch, basically what happens is that a man in an audience is asked to sing. He sings ‘Amazing Grace’ and sings it well. However, when probed with a situation backed by emotion, the audience member took the version to a top-notch performance level. He sang with soul. His identity was intertwined with his actions. He knew why he was singing. What he was doing had more meaning, more purpose. It was spectacular.

I argue when you live your life with your purpose as your guide, you don’t cloud your desire to change with the emotional stressors of life. You stay the course no matter what because you know that there is a higher purpose for the action. Making the change is not just marking off your checklist of to-dos to change. It’s becoming the change you seek, which takes some time to discover fully.

How to Discover your Compelling Why

If you are one of the rare people who wake up knowing your life’s purpose, I applaud you. Keep doing the good work! But if you are like everyone else, discovering your why takes time. Not only does it take time, but it evolves.

1. The surface level why

This is the basic answer to the question: why do I want to do this or have this? The answers often don’t touch the deepest levels of your why. They are on the shores lining the ocean. It’s where you start playing.

Why do I want to work out? Because I want to lose weight.

Why do I want more money? So I can pay my bills faster.

One of my first tasks in getting sober was looking at my reasons for doing so. I had been playing on the surface level for some time. Why do I want to stop drinking? Because I am tired of feeling like crap and not sleeping well. These reasons are good, but they didn’t hold up on a Friday evening when I was thirsty, hungry, and had a streaming dialogue of you deserve a drink after being so good this week. Just one won’t hurt. (If you know the Beastie Boys, start singing Sabotage).

2. The Reason You Keep Swimming

The surface-level reasons eventually turn into deeper waters, and you find yourself swimming. How? You ask why if your whys.

It looks like this:

Why do I want to quit drinking? To quit feeling like crap.

Why do I want to quit feeling like crap? So I have the energy to show up during the day more present and alert.

Why do I want to be more present and alert? So I can feel creative, mindful, and feel like I am honoring my creativity.

Why do I want to show up like this? So I can feel like I am living life instead of watching it pass by.

Ohhhh…. Now we are swimming.

After diving in deeper, the questions changed from why do I want to stop drinking to why do I want to stay sober?

Your reasons for making changes shift from wanting to lose a certain amount of weight to being able to climb mountains. You want to be ready and in shape for anything. Having more money enables you to have more choices. Saying no to drinking helps you maintain clarity in your life. You realize the impact of your decisions is more lasting than just achieving a single goal.

3. The Whole Ocean Why

Suddenly, I found myself in scuba gear, diving into the depths of my why. I discovered the ocean of my insights led to another question: Why do I want a sober lifestyle?

In her program, Sober Sisters, Jen Kausch tells her reasons why she wants to stay sober is because she wants to live a wholehearted life. That’s it. Not a list of not feeling like crap anymore. No wonderings about how much energy is gained in a day. But instead, her approach to honing her reasons is with a method to living. Living wholeheartedly embraces all sorts of things that help someone keep their choices in check. There is a lot of purpose embraced in the single word.

At this stage of exploring your why, you hone in on a concept, a mantra, an intention, a neat Japanese word for living on purpose. It is your reminder that you have attached meaning to guide your choices. You see the whole ocean for all its parts, not just the shallows, drop-offs, or currents.

So, what is mine? Right now, I am focused on staying present in the moment. Being present is a present. I am not sure exactly. I guess I am still working at this level. And guess what? That is ok.

Summary

Through this experience, I have concluded that our reasons for doing something evolve as we make our changes to achieve our goals. Some of my whys will always stay the same. Others will fizzle out and become irrelevant. And new whys will emerge. Taking time to continue the process of tuning into our personal reasons for choosing to take action shouldn’t be overlooked when wanting to make lasting change. Not only that, but the changes you make will have more of an impact on how you show up in life.

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