Inspiration and Life

Yes, You Can Gauge Your Maturity

The four levels of maturity

Is it possible to tell how mature you are? How about what someone else is? Yes, it is, and it is far more straightforward than you realize. Let’s look at an easy-to-understand way to gauge maturity.

What is maturity?

Maturity is such an important subject in life it is surprising how little thought most people give it. But when you see someone who is very immature or exceptionally mature, the subject may arise.

You can find a good bit of information about physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and other types of maturity, but little exists about how to measure it.

To be able to measure maturity requires a certain level of maturity itself. While there is no way to know what goes on in another human being’s mind, it is possible to see what results from it. How? By observing their behaviors.

While many people are quick to judge a person’s maturity by making comments such as “They sure are immature.” or “S/he is a mature person.” But what are they basing it on? To judge the maturity by outward appearance is judgemental. Judging someone by their accent or speaking can be condescending and in no way tells you how mature a person is.

Behaviors are easily observable, with most of us attuned to them. Too many people judge a person’s maturity quickly and rashly. Yet after a few seconds, you can begin to assess how mature a person is simply by observing how they act and express themselves.

How mature you are affects your entire life. Every relationship, your work, what you learn, your willingness to change, the position you hold, how much you earn, your happiness. Everything is affected! I have yet to uncover anything in life that maturity does not influence in some way.

A person’s age has little to do with how mature they are. We have all seen a child come across as very mature, while some adults can act very immature for their age. Is it tied to how childish they act? Perhaps in part, but not completely.

“Age is just a number, maturity is a choice.” Harry Styles (1994-present)

How can you determine whether you are mature or immature? Let me introduce you to a simple structure I learned many years ago. I am sure you will find it useful and very enlightening.

Four levels of maturity

The four levels of maturity rest on the selfishness to selflessness scale. As you move up the scale, you become less selfish and more responsible, ultimately rising to an exceptional level of selflessness and responsibility. The four levels of maturity are:

• Level 1 — completely selfish
• Level 2 — less selfish, slightly selfless
• Level 3 — more selfless, slightly selfish
• Level 4 — completely selfless

It is also possible to say:

• Level 1 — accepts no responsibility
• Level 2 — accepts some responsibility
• Level 3 — accepts more responsibility
• Level 4 — accepts full responsibility

You can add “for themselves and their actions” to each level of responsibility. For example, level 3 will read, “Accepts more responsibility for themselves and their actions.”

The simplest way to express these levels is:

• Level 1 — me only
• Level 2 — me + others
• Level 3 — others + me
• Level 4 — others only

Let’s take a closer look at each level of maturity.

Level 1 — me only

At level one, the person is completely self-absorbed. They only care about themselves and their desires, which is why it is complete selfishness. This makes sense in the case of a small child who depends on someone else to live. How could it be otherwise? The world is all about the child’s birth and the first few years. At this stage, the importance of other people seldom comes into the picture other than to care for them. This is the “me only” level. During this time, the child’s needs reign supreme.

To remain self-absorbed beyond a few years old is not good. So long as the person doesn’t have a physical or psychological challenge, they will outgrow level 1. We would consider them highly spoiled if they continued at a level 1 maturity into their teens. Imagine what kind of life would result if they continued at this stage in their 20s and beyond!

Level 2 — me + others

At level 2 maturity, you can see the importance of other people in your life. You recognize your mother, father, brother, sister, etc., as a person with their own needs. You remain selfish but less so as you begin to control your desires and behaviors.

Level 3 — others + me

At level 3, the person enters a level of maturity where they begin to value others above themselves. They gain a great deal of self-control and the acceptance of responsibility. For many, this happens when marrying and becoming a parent. After all, what responsible person wouldn’t give their life for their spouse or children if it was necessary? You put their needs before your own, becoming far less selfish and far more selfless.

Most of us live our lives between levels 2 and 3. We can remain selfish if our self-awareness remains low. We can become very selfless in the way we behave and do things as self-awareness and awareness of others increase.

“Maturity comes not with age but with the acceptance of responsibility.” Edwin Louis Cole (1922–2002)

Level 4 — others only

Level 4 is the ultimate level of maturity and is very difficult for most people to attain and maintain. As you enter level 4 maturity, the world becomes entirely about others. Your concern is taking care of others while your own needs barely register in your mind. Others matter most, and you are completely selfless.

As a Christian, this is the pinnacle of maturity represented in Christ. It may also apply to some of those martyred for Him. This level is exceedingly difficult to embrace completely, which is why so few attain it fully.

“Our maturity will be judged by how well we are able to agree to disagree and yet continue to love one another, to care for one another, and cherish one another and seek the greater good of the other.” Desmond Tutu (1931–2021)

Final thoughts

Imagine the changes that would occur if every person achieved level 3 maturity! With less selfishness in the world while putting others first, what a world it would be!

Unfortunately, modern society tends to encourage level 2 maturity in most areas of life. People buy the idea that it’s all about them and what they want, which generates the “me” generation. They claim, “It’s all about me and my needs, what I want, and others can stand in line behind me!” Understanding other people’s importance is severely lacking at this level — a sad state of affairs.

Many people mature to level 3 at some point in parts of their life. But I have met more than one person in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and older who never matured above level 2.

“You are only young once, but immaturity can last a lifetime!” Edwin Louis Cole (1920–2022)

Living a level 2 existence results in a more stressful life. People at this level want more for themselves, often at other people’s expense. They can be jealous and greedy. They are often overly competitive, with a strong desire to win at any cost. Such people can exhibit a host of detrimental ways of being.

Living at level 3 maturity results in a more peaceful life. You care more about other people and develop better relationships. You do not have to win at everything and are far more likely to be thankful when other people do well. At level 3, people accept far more responsibility for themselves and their life.

Each level creates different results with greater benefits at the higher levels. I recommend you examine your behaviors, begin assigning them to a level on the maturity scale, and work to improve them whenever possible. The more you live a level 3 life, the more significance you can bring into the world.

Imagine living fully at a level 3 or above! That is a life worth living that makes the world a better place for all of us!

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Bill Abbate Leadership Writer and Editor in ILLUMINATION

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