Yes, Narcissists Often Date Other Narcissists, and They’ll Stalk and Harass You Too

Narcissists are happiest in chaotic relationships in which triangulation doesn’t drive people away but drives them deep into madness.

Therefore, they love to date other narcissists and sociopaths.

Don’t believe that all narcissistic supply comes from non-narcissists.

Supply is supply, and narcissists provide it for each other often. They also serve as flying monkeys for each other and hate each other’s exes.

So if their supply is stalking you, it is because the new supply is a narcissist or sociopath, and they HATE YOUR GUTS and see you as competition.

Both my parents have NPD. All the sociopaths, narcissists, borderlines, and histrionics I trauma bonded to came from similarly toxic and dysfunctional backgrounds, often from two parents with NPD, or at least both parents as cluster b’s.

The notion that narcissists only date “all good” victims for supply is propaganda created by narcissists themselves…

…with split thinking about people as being “all good” or “all bad;”

…as being a “neurotypical,” a fantasy rejected by neuroscientists, (no one has a perfect brain without trauma), or a “narcissist” or “evil person.”

Narcissists mostly date other cluster b’s because all people are drawn to what feels like family.

The following is a breakdown of how their cluster b relationships manifest and why narcissist partners are…

Narcissists who are masking are all over narcissist healing and education spaces, and they are even often psychologists. They love power and clout, they think they have the perfect brain, and they flock to careers in which they can abuse and control vulnerable people.

As writers, they don’t really acknowledge any mental illnesses but NPD — their own — and they profess to hate narcissists, because narcissists project: they really hate themselves.

Though if they have some mental health education, they’ll sometimes mask as BPD, because pwBPD are empaths and are generally well liked. They can also sometimes get misdiagnosed as BPD because they are covert and only show up to ERs in narcissist collapses, in which they become suicidal and appear self harming: the narcissist’s collapse is a borderline’s suicidal and self harming baseline.

But it’s not the narcissist’s. Narcissist collapses last short term and then turns back into abuse, entitlement, grandiosity, delusion, denial, and rage. In rage, they’ll often commit their worst crimes.

Therefore, due to their masking and/or misdiagnosis, they completely misrepresent empaths and borderlines, and their covert nature in good masks can make their narcissism hard to imagine or detect.

More often, they mask as “neurotypicals” and smear and project on both NPDs and BPDs/empaths, making them sound exactly alike or like weak people.

They cause a lot of confusion because they are desperately confused people, ultimately.

They think their fantasy self of perfection is real. They think they are both THE HEROES AND THE ULTIMATE VICTIMS.

They hate their empathic siblings and past partners who left them more than they hate their past narcissist relationships, due to the collapses they experience when we leave them for abuse and the difficulty of smearing us — the deep wound of losing loyalty, love, empathy, forgiven abuses, and idealization leads them to breakdowns like no narcissist could provoke.

However, without self awareness, as most of them lack, they see themselves as “perfect,” aka, the magical neurotypical. The golden child.🦄

They can’t see outside of themselves or outside of all good/all bad binaries. The thousands of other mental disorders and disabilities are nearly invisible to them.

They genuinely care about no one’s pain but their own. All pain of others is deserved, but their own is not deserved.

Without empathy and with split thinking, they can’t even begin to understand the vast arrays of brain chemistries, or other people’s experiences, or what true empathy or guilt feels like.

The world is black or white, good or evil, normal or abnormal.

Their exes and current partners are always all bad.

Their partner’s exes are always all bad.

And they are the best in the world.

They are supreme victims.

Any challenge to that is abuse.

While they do often attract to empathic borderlines, they perceive us as neurotypical and perfect during idealization, and as having NPD traits and behaviors they project onto us during devaluation.

They bond with us because of their desire to have their victimhood validated by empathetic and loving people.

They don’t understand the pain and suffering of BPD at all. They only understand us in terms of the supply we offer, which is love, idealization, status, and sex.

Love and empathy is a basic human need, and one narcissists did not have met in childhood, so they latch on to empaths like moths to a flame.

Empathic borderlines feel their pain and were raised in NPD households absorbing the shames of their family as scapegoats and catering to their emotional outbursts as peacemakers, so they often nurture them and forgive them by instinct, while their own emotional needs are ignored entirely and abused, just like in childhood.

But mostly they attract to borderlines and use them just like they used borderlines in their own toxic family structures: as scapegoats.

SOMEONE TO PUNISH.

SOMEONE TO BLAME.

SOMEONE TO DESIGN THEIR MASKS AFTER.

Just as they attract to histrionics as someone invisible.

Someone to ignore/neglect who will dramatically beg for their attention and deny all their faults and believe them to be royalty.

(Famous histrionic who loves narcissists).

(Another famous histrionic who loves narcissists).

Ever notice how little NPD spaces mention histrionics?? My closest FPs in life were histrionics, and they bond romantically to narcissists obsessively, just as all cluster b’s do.

We are all just seeking parental love and attention to mask our childhood wounds.

Histrionics are a huge part of narcissists’ lives; they are often their most loyal and loving kids.

But…they treat them like they are totally invisible.

Histrionics are always the invisible children.

One reason why they do this is because histrionics are so adept at commanding attention. This makes them jealous. They ignore them to devalue them. Histrionics also almost never unmask them, idealizing their NPD parents and partners. They continue to fantasize and fall for hoovers, believing themselves favored, through any abuses.

And narcissists always treat borderlines like they are totally evil.

Borderlines are always the scapegoat children.

While the narcissist designs their mask as…empaths. Their scapegoats.

Narcissists repeat their childhood family dynamics lifelong.

It’s the level of emotional intelligence they are stunted at.

WHO THEY TRULY ADMIRE AND BOND BEST WITH ARE…

THE PEOPLE LIKE THE PARENT WHO GOLDEN CHILDED THEM:

OTHER NARCISSISTS AND SOCIOPATHS.

The first people they mirrored and idealized; the people who installed a permanent broken heart, a fear of abandonment, and an inexplicable rage in them; the people who taught them the toxic cycle of abuse; the people who made them suppress love and chase fantasies of power.

All the narcissists in my family and who I trauma bonded to most often dated and befriended other narcissists.

And narcissists stalk their partners’ exes in jealousy obsessively.

Narcissists match as partners in many ways: they see themselves as better than others, they hate people passionately, they are judgmental, they are greedy, they lack morality, and they are always down to fight.

Other narcissists are eager flying monkeys.

They can also justify abuse easily with other narcissists. It’s much easier to project onto someone when they actually are a mirror of you than it is to do so with an empath, who genuinely loves you.

This is why they hate empaths and call us toxic. Because they view it as a personal affront that their fantasies of our worthlessness don’t match reality.

They hate it when they stalk us to look for us cheating only to find our loyalty.

They hate when they call us dumb only to have us refuse their gaslights and discover their lies.

They hate when they call us weak only to find we are resilient.

They hate when they call us codependent only to find we can live and thrive independently without them.

All of it causes them cognitive dissonance, confusion, and…worst of all…shame, which drives them to a mental breakdown, which they then blame us for.

The fact that we grieve and hurt gives them supply. They see our grief and lack of vengeance as further proof that we deserve abuse.

They see us leaving them as an attack on their ego.

HOW DARE WE. WE SHOULD DIE.

But truly toxic narcissist partners, THEY LOVE.

Because they can call them crazy, call them cheaters, call them worthless, call them liars, call them abusive, and they have evidence for it.

And narcissists have a hard time leaving each other.

It’s absolutely brutal, near impossible, for them to do it.

Narcissists will also deny any reality they cannot tolerate.

Example: my student, a very sweet borderline with two ASPD parents, was molested by her stepfather. I immediately warned her that her mother was going to go into denial over this and punish her.

Indeed, her mother kicked her out, and then she began stalking her.

She was jealous of her own daughter, wondering why her daughter was better than her, so that her husband would desire her sexually.

But instead of helping her traumatized teenage daughter, she traumatized her further, abandoned her, said her daughter deserved punishment, as she’d always said about her scapegoat daughter.

When CPS came, she said her daughter was a liar.

This is very common for pecophilia and sexual assault. Narcissists will simply deny it and victim blame.

Accepting that their child was their partner’s target is too wounding to their ego and grandiosity.

And they have no empathy. They never emotionally attach to their kids. So they just punish the child.

They fully believe child abuse makes them good, responsible parents, who are giving their children consequences, not brain damage.

After all, they were abused, and they turned out just perfect.

Another example: When I got assaulted by my apartment maintenance man and reported it, his wife stuck by him steadfastly.

She had told apartment management that he beat her, that they fought all the time, that he wasn’t who he seemed to be, but, when it came to confronting the truth that the reason he was gone those three weeks and she was calling him all the time…was because he was drugging and raping a neighbor, she just shut down.

She needed him to survive and needed to feel she owned him and was loved by him. She needed that more than she needed reality.

He was also having a sexual relationship with his best friend, a man, but she refused to see his bisexuality either.

She sees anyone who accuses him of anything sexual as liars who want him, as competition.

She knew what was reported to police and apartment management and she still fled with him.

One year later, on the anniversary, she posted that he had attempted to kill her.

She posted guns and hatred for him.

Then they got back together. She posted: “He is everything but perfect, but neither am I baby!”

When you can abuse someone like that, and literally get away with attempted murder with them, that is grade A SUPPLY.

It’s someone who subscribes to your delusions.

And being with a narcissist is preferential to them because they can enact their fantasies of punishment on their NPD parents over and over.

They also both believe in child abuse as effective child rearing, and they have children for selfish reasons and see children as property, slaves, and tools of triangulation with each other or ways to keep a permanent hold on each other.

And since NPDs are so insecure, they are easy to triangulate and easy to wound as partners, which gives them daily supply.

My stalker was incredibly misogynistic. He always posted that women were insecure, women were dependent, women were crazy, women were overly emotional, women were weak, women were sluts, women were jealous.

And he was a good man.

Based on these beliefs, one would think I would be his perfect woman.

I’m seven years celibate, I’ve lived alone for over a decade, I’m financially independent, I get therapy and have a psychology degree, I’m strong and have survived a lot, I don’t get jealous, I don’t like to fight…

But what did he do when faced with a woman that went against all his beliefs? HE STALKED AND ATTACKED ME.

Traumatized me, sexually assaulted me, and tried to kill me.

A “good man.”

Why attack me?

BECAUSE HE WANTS ALL WOMEN TO BE LIKE THE ONE HE DESCRIBED.

Because the woman he described is really just…a narcissist.

It’s his PROJECTIONS.

And he needs someone to make his projections feel true so his abuse feels heroic.

In the presence of a woman who didn’t fit his stereotypical projections, I made him feel like….a woman himself.

OH THE HORROR!

A girl like that must be the devil! Burn the witch!

Narcissists are motivated by fantasies of power. If they are triggered to stalking and violence, it means they feel they’ve lost control or power — it means they feel threatened. In this state, they’ve totally lost control of their actions and their mental stability in attempts to feel power over you through abuse and fear tactics.

Sociopaths have always seemed to hate that I’m not easily made jealous and I don’t participate in triangulation.

Emotional intelligence, like boundaries, is a major trigger for them.

For one, I have no desire to hurt another woman in the ways I’ve been hurt. I made my mistakes in sleeping with a narcissist man who was in a relationship when I was young and I’ve learned my lesson. It made me feel extraordinarily guilty and then I got cheated on too after she left him.

Ultimately, it goes against my feminism to hurt another woman like that. I vowed never again and have stuck to that.

But I also, very honestly, don’t experience jealousy. I genuinely thought jealousy was something we all experienced as kids.

I wasn’t even jealous when I got cheated on. Grief stricken and betrayed, yes. But I even met with one of the mistresses for drinks after I discovered her. She was effing gorgeous. She was also so sweet. She hugged me immediately, and we bonded very easily.

She was another borderline. And I deeply admired her and appreciated her compassion for me and I felt it for her too.

I had every reason to be jealous: she was the prettiest one. Thinner than me, gorgeous, and smart too.

But I just told my boyfriend, “You chose really well this time.”

I GENUINELY DID NOT KNOW PEOPLE STILL FELT JEALOUSY AS ADULTS.

I remember feeling jealous as a child, but as an adult, I began to admire people rather than be jealous.

I also felt that, if I was dating someone and they wanted someone else, then that meant that they should be with that person.

It wounded me, but I always thought I was unlovable: I’ve always been told that since childhood and all my partners were abusive, so it’s no surprise to me if someone falls in love elsewhere. I try to just suck it up and walk away.

It’s always been disorienting to me that this got me punished and attacked.

If I didn’t participate in triangulation, then they got enraged at me.

It took a lot of therapy to convince me that, indeed, narcissists have low emotional intelligence and were jealous of me and trying to MAKE ME JEALOUS.

It was a huge epiphany. And hard to imagine. It started to wake me up to the very different ways my brain works from others, and how that affects a person’s sense of reality and behavior.

JEALOUS OF WHAT? I thought.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We all have mental health struggles. We all deserve love and healing. We can all be creative and achieve goals. There’s room for us all. We need each other!

And anyway, my life and my mental illness with BPD are hard. I cannot imagine anyone being jealous of this life.

But that’s not true in the NPD fantasy world. Theirs is a world of a slave owner and their slaves.

Only they matter and deserve whatever they want.

Only their feelings matter or exist.

No one is better than them or more important.

No one is equal.

They are the judge, jury, and executioner.

And everything is a competition.

Nothing is more insulting to them than losing a competition.

So, if the main supply is stalking you, then they have NPD, and they are trying to scare you and destroy you, because they are jealous of you, and they see you as a competitive threat.

They have fallen for the manipulation of their partner, and they are deep in their delusion and sickness.

AND THEY BLAME YOU FOR IT.

They cannot survive blaming themselves or the “love of their life.” So they are serving as their flying monkey in your punishment. You are the villain of their story.

They are the victim. Always. And the hero. Always.

I am a Stalker on Netflix has a good example of an NPD woman who stalked her partner’s ex, with her NPD MOTHER as her flying monkey.

There’s a lot of good insights to the warped minds of NPDs and ASPDs on that show. I learned a lot about my own stalker from it.

To shake them off (which may never be fully possible, as they obsess for life), read Outsmarting the Sociopath Next Door by Dr. Martha Stout.

And keep reminding yourself that these are overgrown children, not monsters or supernatural beings. They are capable of real harm and malice, but they aren’t worth your fear. You can choose to be the adult in the situation. You can choose peace instead of them.

Not having NPD is a great benefit, as you get the option to stay rooted to reality and focus on what matters with a gratitude mindset and spiritual faith.

Pray for them. 🙏🏼