Yes! I Want to Spread My Legs Like Wings
Society’s weird obsession with women’s legs and her ambition
You are a lady.
You should keep your legs closed.
Is it just me or have you heard this line over and over?
The other day on my way back from work, I sat in the second row of a bus, in between two men. One of them looked to be in his mid-sixties while the other looked like he was in his thirties.
The men were seated before I came in, so they adjusted for me to come in. But, almost immediately I sat down, I found my legs were tied. Not with ropes, but for space.
I was in want of space and could not even raise one leg over the other. But then, I saw that both men around me sat with their legs apart, stifling any space I would have had.
When I tried to move my legs a bit to create some room, the men huffed, sighed and their legs stayed put.
“Can you adjust your leg and sit properly? You are making me uncomfortable.”
Madam, you’re a lady. You should keep your legs closed.
The older women on the bus looked away from me when I looked their way for support. I needed someone. Anyone to tell these men how preposterous they sounded. But, it seemed like a logical response to everyone who heard them.
But, is it?
What scientific research supports the claim that male reproductive organs need more space and air than females do? I would love to see the data.
If there is no science, where does this notion stem from?
Figuratively, it could be a form of the misogynistic claim that women are to be pure, closed-legged virgins while men are to be all-around experienced wide-legged non-virgins.
I believe that virginity and abstinence should be demanded from both genders. Not just one.
It could also mean that women should stay in the lane that men had created for them and not deviate out of it even when it is uncomfortable, unsafe, and undeserving.
When I tried to find out more about this phenomenon, I found that there is a term for it. Manspreading.
According to Lyndsay Kirkham, an English professor at Humber College, Toronto, the practice was a metaphor for the permission men were given to take up a disproportionate share of space in society.
The man who feels that a woman has no right to the same leg space as him in public transport will never agree that a woman has the same rights as him in society.
Some men’s rights groups have contended that this anti-social behavior in transport is an issue of individual etiquette rather than gender. However, with the frequency of this behavior in different forms across different continents, it is hard to not consider it a “Man-thing.”
British journalist, Barbara Ellen put forth the argument that "Judging by the number of men who sit perfectly normally, there seems to be a modicum of delusional bragging going on here." She expressed concern that man-spreading could lead to more serious behavior towards women.
Society and the Woman’s Legs In the Workplace
Over the years, the world has always told women to “close their legs.”
Especially in the workplace, women are told to — Slow down; pace their strides. They are asked — is that not too ambitious? more times than men.
Over the years, women have had a complicated relationship with the word Ambition.
According to a survey of 3000 women by American Express, in partnership with The New York Women’s Foundation — a global study on women’s relationships with ambition, just 31 percent said they were proud to call themselves ambitious.
Instead, women were more comfortable identifying with the word motivated, the survey found. Unlike motivation, the word ambitious has more at stake. Merriam Webster defines it as “having a desire to be successful, powerful, or famous.”
Close your legs is just another form of control over women and how they should express themselves.
Nigerian author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, mentions this in her viral TEDx talk in these words — “We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, ‘You can have ambition, but not too much.’”
Margot Levin, a New York-based clinical psychologist also stated that avoiding the word “ambitious” may be an effort by women to make sure society does not perceive them as too aggressive.
They have long gotten the message from society that they should be modest and more self-effacing than men.
“I believe ambition is not a dirty word.” Too often, ambitious women are viewed as pushy, selfish, and unlikeable. It’s not the success that is so off-putting but the desire for something more that seems to inspire feelings of disdain… once you imply, or better yet, state, that you deserved it because you worked so hard — it’s not socially acceptable.
The implication is that women don’t deserve to want more. Women don’t deserve to dream big. — Reese Witherspoon’s speech at Glamour’s 2015 Women of the Year Awards.
What If I Want To Spread My Legs?
What is it to you?
What if I want to go beyond the finish line you drew as my peak? What then?
In Debra Condren’s book, Ambition is Not a Dirty Word, she outlines eight “Ambitious Rules” that provide specific, innovative solutions to the everyday struggles women face.
These include things like taking credit, deflecting detractors, and handling confrontation.
Be brave. Be bold. Hold your head up high and don’t apologize for ambition or success. Don’t apologize for occupying your space to its fullest.
From seating comfortably in the bus you paid for, to owning it when you are called ambitious, these are micro-steps to the change we want to see in our world today.
The open-legged woman speaks up and fills her space because it is hers. She is not afraid to go the extra mile to achieve her ambitious dreams. And she does because she deserves to.
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. — Rebecca West.
References
Thank you for reading this story till the end. If you enjoyed this, click here to never miss another story from me. You could support me with a hot cup of coffee here. Thank you!