Yes — Covidiot Deaths are Hilarious
Hey Covidiot, STFU about Covid being real before you die — you’re embarrassing yourself
No shit dummy. Of course it’s not a hoax. Who the fuck would decide to destroy the economy and suspend rights of an entire plant for no reason?
No government anywhere, in the history of the universe has ever been organized enough to deliver any program as well as some people believe they are coordinating the “Covid Hoax.”
The Emperor couldn’t even keep a few Death Stars safe from a bunch of Alderaanian hillbillies, FFS.
Trust me, I’ve worked in a government for over 30 years. I’ve worked with smart people, dumb people, and everyone in between, so sorry Covidiots…I hate to break it to you, but we couldn’t get you there.
To wit — My spouse was once investigated for two months over a $12 benefit overpayment, which turned out to be a $6 overpayment. They thought he was scamming. The investigator was probably making $25/hour which means after 14.4 minutes of work on the file taxpayers were spending more money on the investigation than they were ever going to collect.
This alone makes me wonder how anyone could think a government could get its shit together enough to pull off a hoax like this? Now, ask yourself, how they could then cooperate with other governments to coordinate it?
Seriously, governments are filled with average bureaucrats being lead by idiotic elected officials — the only hoax in poltics is the one politicians pull on themselves when they start believing they aren’t idiots.
The Pandemic’s silver lining!
The one highlight of the pandemic for me, other than vaccines, has been the death bed confessions from Covidiots who finally understand that Covid is real! Or that vaccines might have actually saved their lives.
The irony is too delicious!
And I laugh hysterically at their stories as a I gleefully read them to my family.
Does that make me a cruel bitch? Probably. But I’ve pretty much had my fill of being called “sheeple” by these moronic shit heads…so fuck them.
Landon Spradlin — religious blues singer & Covidiot
WRONG! His death was a punchline!
I didn’t know who Landon Spradlin was before he got to meet Jesus, but I have to correct you Emily, his death was a pretty fucking funny when you think about it.
Here’s Landon in better times, not giving into the hysteria. All I can think of is how much Covid appreciated his support. Here’s my epitaph for Landon —
“Covid brought his music to heaven.”
Hans Gaarder — conspiracy theorist & Covidiot
Hans was another rubber-meets-the-road sort of freedom fighter. I guess you could expect this sort of thing to happen when your balls are bigger than your understanding of science. By the look of him, I’d say his balls were probably average. What I like about Hans is he’s the sort of guy who would probably call his death a hoax, you know, if he was still around.
Here’s my epitaph for Hans —
“Covid knew Hans would would come through.”
Unidentified Party Girl — One last dance Covidiot
This reminds me of the time I went to that get-run-over-by-a-car party and got run over by a car. I remember thinking afterward if there was only some way I could have avoided this broken pelvis.
Nah! I’m just messing with you, people don’t have those sorts of parties…oh, wait —
My epitaph —
“She never regretting stealing oxygen from her species.”
Gary Matthews — tin hat wearing Covidiot
Gary Matthews, 46, died three days after his birthday, and day after he tested positive Covid, on January 13th, 2021. According to his cousin, Gary had been part of a Facebook group that spread false conspiracy theories about Covid-19.
“I just wish these ideas had not taken over his life,” said his cousin.
Dear cousin, those ideas didn’t take over his life, Covid did.
The cousin claimed the group harassed Gary’s family demanding an autopsy, because of course, Covid doesn’t kill anyone! Because yes random Facebook group members — you are owed proof! I’m sure Gary would have been proud of them for keeping up the fight…if he wasn’t dead.
Here’s my epitaph for Gary —
“He never believed in Covid but Covid believed in him.”
Stephen Harmon — Religious Covidiot
What I like about these hospital bed converts is they have often left an electronic trail of their stupidity. I get it, you’re young and you can’t help wanting everyone to think you’re a badass.
Stephen was just livin’ life on June 3rd, 2021, talking names and kickin’ ass for Jesus, because why not? That shit ain’t gonna stop him! He’s got 99 problems!
My epitaph —
“Covid took his problems away.”
Santos Fuentes — Family man and covidiot
Oh don’t regret it dear daughter! Your dad never let the little things get in his way, so why should you? Covid and variants are like teeth — ignore them and they’ll go away. I guess my question is, did you actually have to see someone you know die before changing your mind? Like, do you actually have to see a fatal traffic accident to know not wearing a seatbelt is dangerous?
My epitaph —
“He died so others might die.”
Michael Freedy , 39 — Not a doctor and Covidiot
I really can’t disagree that Mike should have gotten the damn shot, because well, I got the shot. I didn’t need a tube down my throat to figure it out though.
Mike got sick after a trip to San Diego.
Mike wanted to “wait a year” before getting the shot, presumably to see what would happen to other people who had it. I got a sore arm for a few days. It doesn’t appear that during his wait-and-see year it occurred to Mike that he should do things to avoid Covid, like, not taking trips.
“I should have got the damn shot.”
After spending a few days in Sunny Southern California, Mike developed a painful skin rash, according to his fiancée. He was getting chills and couldn’t sleep, eat or get comfortable. Their self-diagnosed medical opinion at the time was Mike had — sun poisoning.
What the fuck is SUN POISONING Dr. Mike?
Sun poisoning is a severe sunburn. You don’t get it from a bit of extra-sun out walking around in SoCal, you get it from going full-on exposed skin under the sun until you’re blistered up like a second degree burn. But when you’re a WebMD, why not start with the least obvious self-diagnosis? Man, can’t those zebras ever pound their hooves when they want to, eh Mike?
I have no sympathy for someone who, despite the fact hundreds of millions of people have taken vaccines with zero side-effects, and had been taking it for more than eight months at that time, decided to wait and see. And not just “wait and see” for himself, but do that with five kids relying on him.
You see, Mike wasn’t even vaccine hesitant — he just thought waiting for a year despite there being mountains of evidence indicating he didn’t need to was the smart move.
My epitaph —
“Better luck next time.”
Takeaway
Am I lying? Do I really laugh at these assholes? No, I’m not lying, I laugh at them.
I get all their false reasoning and bravado, I really do. These are the same sorts of people who criticize a sexual assault victim because of the way she was dressed. The same people who would blame a homeless person for their lack of motivation. The people who call us sheeple, yet don’t have the intellectual parts to critically evaluate the information they rely on to do so.
Why do they do this?
Because that’s the only way they can understand their universe. They can’t accept that shit just happens, so they bring order to their lives by seeking explanations. They are comforted by conspiracies, because those stories feed into their need to believe they’re the only ones who can make sense of it.
They think asking questions and “doing their own research” makes them look smart, because they believe they’re the only ones who’ve figured out who the man behind the curtain is. And I suppose they feel that way until they discover things like their sun poisoning diagnosis was wrong. And that, um, it was that pandemic that’s killed four million people world wide or whatever, that’s their real problem.
A Covidiot told me that the CDC and Dr. Fauci invented Covid so they could respond to it. Ok, let’s go with that I said — they invented Covid so they could respond, but let me play devil’s advocate.
“Who exactly would respond to a pandemic event that occurred naturally? The Department of Education?”
No! The fucking CDC would you moron, which means it is no surprise that the CDC responded to Covid. It seems that it never occurred to him that responding to pandemics is literally what the CDC is there for.
Believe what you want, do what you want, kill yourself, kill others, pretend it’s you who aren’t afraid, whatever. But please, for the love of dog, don’t give me a bullshit warning from your death bed about something most of us already know. Unlike you, we knew to be more afraid of Covid than a vaccine, and surprise, surprise, surprise — we didn’t have to die to figure it out.
So, yeah, if you keep dying, I’ll keep laughing, but I’d rather you get the damn shot. And if it’s me you’re worried about, don’t, because I know you’ll do plenty of other things that will make me laugh at you.
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