Yes, Anal Sex Can Be Pleasurable

I’m not just doing it for my husband

Whenever I write about sex, I brace myself for some kind of negative reaction. I get mansplained. I have men implying I’m a terrible sexual or romantic partner. Sometimes, I get men acting real creepy.

But I almost never get any negative responses from women. Mostly, I get support, kudos, and their own personal stories.

There was one exception.

When I first started blogging, I wrote an article on anal sex and why I use it as an alternative to birth control.

Women wrote to me to tell me that anal sex is inherently humiliating.

They told me women only do it to please a man. They insinuated that the only reason I have anal sex is because my husband is manipulating and using me.

They told me the women who do it have no self-respect.

Those comments were hard to deal with, especially since my skin wasn’t as thick as it is now. It felt like my whole conception of who I am as a woman was being attacked.

I felt as if my desires were being invalidated. Half the people who reached out to me seemed to think I was either brainwashed into thinking I liked anal sex or that I lied about my preferences in order to appeal to men.

So, I stopped writing about it. I’d mention it in passing here and there, but I didn’t make it the main subject of another article.

I didn’t stop thinking about it, though. I wanted to stand on my tiny soap box and tell everyone I’m not a degenerate for enjoying anal sex, and I’m not subjugated to my husband.

Mostly, I wanted to tell everyone who had a problem with it that they’re simply wrong. Anal sex is not something that only benefits those on the giving end. Done properly, getting fucked in the ass can feel damn good.

I Know How Bad Anal Sex Can Be

I’m not naive. I know anal sex can be terrible. And I know that from personal experience.

Prior to meeting my husband, I slept with and dated a few guys. Only one of them had ever expressed an interest in anal sex. Unfortunately for me, he didn’t just have an interest with it — he had an obsession.

It’s something he had already done with an ex of his, and he constantly pushed to do it with me.

I didn’t find the prospect of doing it with him appealing, but I eventually gave in to him.

At its best, it just felt weird and uncomfortable. At its worst, it was painful.

Either way, it didn’t matter to him. My pleasure was besides the point, and I suspect he might have even gotten off on the hurt it caused me.

Gradually, he lost interest in doing anything with me other than fucking me in the ass. And I mean anything — he’d often flat out ignore me unless I offered it.

Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last.

He was an asshole, and I got sick and tired of letting him have his way with mine.

That was my introduction (more like a crash course, really) to anal sex. I wasn’t sure I would ever do it again, and I didn’t mind that one bit.

I Also Know How Great Anal Sex Can Be

A few months after that terrible relationship ended, I met a guy who was pretty much the exact opposite.

He was kind and sweet. He genuinely respected me. And that sex was way better than any I’d had before.

Two months after we started having sex, I got curious. I started wondering how it would feel to have anal sex with someone I could trust, someone who was attentive to my needs and always put my pleasure and comfort first.

I also wanted him to experience it. He had never done it before, and I thought he might be curious. He also liked my ass a lot and I reasoned that he would probably like a new way of enjoying it.

The thing is, he never asked for it — probably because he knew what a horrible experience I had with it before. I’d have to be the one to initiate it. But even though I had a filthy mouth, I was too shy to ask him to fuck my ass.

I made it happen one day after we had just finished fucking. I was still feeling really horny and he was still really hard. I pushed my ass up to his cock and kept grinding against it until he got the picture.

It was even better than I thought it could be. Having him inside me felt good — really good.

I wasn’t just getting my rocks off because it was naughty or taboo (though that certainly helped). I wasn’t just enjoying the thought that I was a really great girlfriend. I was getting some stone cold pleasure out of it.

We’d do it again and again and again. But this time, it wasn’t because I was under pressure. I wanted to do it.

I often struggle to explain the way things feel. Anal sex feels different than vaginal sex, but I can’t really quite put the different sensations into words. It would be like asking me to write out the way a mango tastes — I just can’t do it.

What I can say, though, is that having anal sex with no other type of stimulation is enough to give me an orgasm. It’s usually a weaker orgasm — the kind that leaves me wanting more instead of leaving me spent — but it obviously still feels really good.

Where it really shines, though, is when it’s paired with clitoral stimulation. I can have some really intense clitoral orgasms through manual sex, oral sex, or with the assistance of a vibrator. But having one while my ass is getting fucked almost always makes it stronger.

When I get it just right, the combination of anal and clitoral stimulation will give me an incredibly intense laughing orgasm.

So, no, it’s safe to say I’m not just doing it for my husband’s pleasure.

How to Have Pleasurable Anal Sex

I’ve seen a lot of advice on how to have anal sex, but most of it focuses on how to avoid pain or intense discomfort. That’s important basic information, of course, but I rarely see tips for how to actually have pleasurable anal.

But I don’t want to just put up with anal sex — I want to enjoy it.

Everyone’s bodies and preferences are different, of course, but here’s what works for me.

Desire Matters — A Lot

One of the big differences between the first time I had anal sex and the first time I actually enjoyed it was how much I wanted it.

I didn’t want it at all when I agreed to do it with my ex-boyfriend. But with Mr. Austin, I was practically begging for it.

Really desiring it was my biggest clue that I was ready.

A big part of that is simply being relaxed. If you feel scared, worried, or tense going in, it’s probably going to hurt. Being turned on by the thought of doing it helped my body feel at ease.

If you’re not sure how much you want it, I recommend watching some anal porn. For a long time, I found anal porn hot, but I still wasn’t interested in trying it out at home. That changed at some point, and I noticed it when I was watching anal scenes and I didn’t just feel horny — I also wanted in on it.

Take It Slowly

When I say take it slow, I mean be prepared to spend more than one session working up to it.

It’s a good idea to start with some very simple manual stimulation. Rubbing the asshole with a finger covered in spit or lube is a good way to get used to the sensation. It also helps you control the reflexes that will make you tense up that muscle.

Once you feel comfortable having your asshole touched, try getting fingered or maybe even using a butt plug. Until you’re comfortable and can enjoy a finger in your ass, you’re probably not ready for a cock.

And once you are ready for that cock, you still need to take it slowly — much more slowly than you go with PiV sex. Even with plenty of lube, you can’t expect to just start pounding away.

Get a Partner You Trust but Stay in Control

You need a partner who cares about your pleasure, not just his. They need to be attentive enough to notice the way you and your body react as things progress and know when to pull back or quit.

You also need a partner who will let you be in control. Sometimes, my husband barely moves at all while I adjust to the sensation of him moving deeper into me. He knows that sometimes I need a few moments before we can do any more.

He’ll sometimes gently and slowly push himself into me, but often it’s simplest if I do the work of pushing back onto his cock in whatever way feels most comfortable. That way, if anything feels less than perfect, I can immediately slow down, adjust the angle, or just stop.

Try Clitoral Stimulation

Clitoral stimulation is an absolute must for me. Like I mentioned earlier, I can have an orgasm from anal sex without it, but it will be a relatively weak one. Why would I deprive myself of some real fireworks when all it takes is a few busy fingers?

Clitoral stimulation also makes it easier to get things going. It relaxes me, gives me plenty of pleasure, and just generally keeps me very motivated.

I can use my own fingers, but I like it more when my husband uses his. That’s why my favorite position for anal is spooning. I just have to lift one leg up to give him easy access to my clit and he knows exactly what to do from there.

Another really good but slightly more advanced position is anal prone boning with a vibrator between my legs. That one’s a lot of fun. I hump my toy. He humps me. It keeps everyone really busy.

Keep That Cock Inside You

Okay, this is one of those things that I probably wouldn’t feel the need to mention but because of porn, I do.

When I watch anal porn, there will often be scenes where the guy will be fucking his scene partner and repeatedly pulling out of her ass and then fucking her again. Usually, it’s to get a few gaping shots, but if the performers are anything like me, it’s definitely not to make the sex enjoyable.

I love, love, love the feeling when a cock first enters my pussy. It’s just an intense sensation, almost like I forgot just how good penetration felt until that very moment.

In my ass, it’s a whole other story. I love anal, but I don’t really care for the initial penetration. It usually either just feels weird or a bit uncomfortable, and although it’s the first step to a really good time, it’s not pleasurable in and of itself. At least, it isn’t for me.

To increase your odds of having a pleasurable anal experience, keep the cock inside the ride at all times and only take it out when the ride comes to a full and complete stop.

You Don’t Have to Enjoy It — But Let Us Have Our Fun

When it comes to anal sex, we’re kind of set up to fail. Porn performers normalize expert level moves, which gives us the impression that we should just be able to lube up and pound out some jackrabbit sex.

In reality, it’s a really delicate process and it’s really easy to get it wrong, especially if you’re trying it with the wrong person.

So, I completely understand why some women don’t like it. After my experiences with my ex, I wasn’t sure I’d ever want to try it again.

And I also get that it doesn’t have much appeal to some women. I happen to get turned on by and enjoy anal sex, but there are other things that just don’t move me at all — like footjobs. And that’s fine.

Anal sex isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and I’m not here to change your mind if it’s not yours. But claiming that it can’t be pleasurable for women is just wrong. And I’ve got night after night of counterexamples to prove it.

Let’s keep in touch! Sign up for my weekly newsletter (I won’t send you anything without your enthusiastic consent!)

❤ If you liked this post, you might also love: