Year Shaming: The Toxic New Trend

Science, shame, and why I’m afraid to tell people how good 2020 has been for me

I have a dirty little secret: 2020 has been an amazing year for me.

Here's why:

• I quit my job after 13 years to become a full-time freelancer, my dream career since I was in middle school.
• I built a community of friends online and in my local community that has brought me an immense amount of personal satisfaction.
• I met the girl of my dreams. It's the happiest and healthiest relationship of my life.
• I revitalized my YouTube channel and already made it close to a thousand subscribers.
• I started writing on medium and have already developed wonderful friendships with other writers, editors, and publishers.

Therefore, 2020 has been one of the best years of my life. But I'm afraid to tell anybody because of fear that I'll be judged. And I’m not alone.

I call it “year shaming” and it's toxic.

Now, nobody gives me the side-eye when I share the good news, but I'm reluctant to express anything positive when so many other people are suffering.

After all, 2020 has been a dumpster fire of unemployment, health scares, violence, division, political upheaval, and global quarantine.

Why year shaming is so toxic

Year shaming is bad for us in a number of ways. Shame affects our mental health, physical health, and relationships.

In her 2019 Scientific American article, The Scientific Underpinnings and Impacts of Shame, Annette Kämmerer links shame to anxiety disorders, depression, and a host of other psychological problems.

Men and women of color are especially affected by shame, according to research from the University of Iowa.

Here are some other reasons shame can be so toxic:

• It keeps us isolated and alone. It prevents us from communicating our deepest truth, our authentic selves.
• It limits and distorts our communication. We blame others, we lash out. In year shaming, we hesitate to share the good news because we're worried about the reception from others.
• It promotes fear. Fear is a powerful motivator, however, fear also impedes connection and community. More than anything else right now, we need each other.

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association:

Social connection can lower anxiety and depression, help us regulate our emotions, lead to higher self-esteem and empathy, and actually improve our immune systems. By neglecting our need to connect, we put our health at risk.

Why we should share our positive stories

More than ever, we need positive stories to lift our spirits. Good times, good memories, and good vibes cultivate not only happiness for the present but also hope for the future.

Any successes, big or small, can be reasons to celebrate with others. Even success with writing:

Here are the reasons we should share our positive stories about 2020 (or any other year):

• To promote positivity
• To anchor happiness
• To rewire our brains
• To shift our focus
• To celebrate
• To foster gratitude
• To build community
• To prevent pessimism
• To keep ourselves healthy
• To leave a legacy of happiness

I hope you'll join me in sharing your positive stories with friends, family, and coworkers. Heck, even strangers on the internet.

“Stories are a communal currency of humanity.” — Tahir Shah

1.4k positive stories (and counting)

While doing research for this article, I surveyed my private Facebook group of 1.4 thousand members all over the world.

The responses poured in:

I got a raise at work! — Paul B.

Started exercising several days a week again and lost sixteen pounds. Became a character coach for a nearby high school’s football team. Big job promotion to pastoring a bigger church, salary doubled, health benefits, and a very nice parsonage to live in. 2020 has been a tough year. But in my personal life, it’s been pretty much one of the best years of my life! — Brian B.

Got my first job , moved out of my parents house and started exercising more consistently. — Partick A.

Started my first year in medical school in the dreams of becoming a doctor someday. — Marius B.

I could go on listing the many responses, but you get the picture. So many people experienced breakthroughs, promotions, raises, personal achievements, and found healthy loving partners.

Final thoughts

The year 2020 has been difficult, to say the least. But a lot of good has come out of it for lots of people. I acknowledge the pain and heartache, but I want to focus on the good.

It only takes a few of us to start a movement that tilts the world toward the positive.

I hope you'll join me in reducing year shaming, draining the toxicity and shame from the global conversation, and reclaiming the year.

“After nourishment, shelter, and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.” — Philip Pullman