Yay, I’ve Finally Found A Good White Female Friend

And she’s fantastic

Yes, I’ve finally found her, and she’s truly an amazing human being.

I met Natascha at work 10 years ago. She left the company but we still stayed in touch. Natasha doesn’t live in Geneva but visits often — every single time she reaches out to me to see if I have time for a coffee.

When we worked together, I always felt Natasha looked down on me. She never seemed to listen when I spoke. When she left the company, I didn’t miss her. She was just another white woman who didn’t value me. I‘ve come across so many in my life, it was really no big deal.

And then, one day, when she came by Geneva; I accepted her invitation to coffee. I had fun but was still curious about why she seemed so intent on wanting to build a friendship with me.

Over the Covid-19 lockdown, I started this blog on racism and antiracism. I promoted my articles widely on social media. And yes, to get more eyes on my stuff, I also posted on Linkedin.

A lot of my current and former colleagues read my work, but very few commented. Natasha was one of the brave ones that reached out to me to discuss racism and anti-racism, I was impressed. She apologized for being so ignorant about the topic and candidly told me she wanted to learn.

I explained a few things but didn’t believe it was my place to teach her about racism. I guess she must have read this in my work too because she stopped asking and started buying books and educating herself. I was impressed.

The last time I saw Natasha, we had a really interesting conversation about white privilege, white saviors, racism, colonialism and so many topics that white people feel uncomfortable talking about. She dove right in, asking the right questions, listening to my answers, and seeking to understand. I am not gonna lie, I was surprised, but I still didn’t trust her.

This year, she invited me to her 50th birthday and I went out of my way to be there. I was seated not far from her at the dinner table and had gotten to know some of her other friends during the course of the evening. At one point, one of her friends said:

“Wow, Natasha had to really work hard at being friends with you”.

I was stunned and looked over at Natasha.

“Yes, Rebecca, I tried a lot to get close to you, it took you a while to accept me”.

“Well, I didn’t understand why you wanted to be friends; I mean, we weren’t close when we worked together. In fact, I think you actually thought I was dumb”, I responded.

“You’re kind of right, I did think that, but then I read your work and realized how much more there was to you”.

“I don’t think that you were open to thinking that about me when we worked together. You listened to the narratives about me without getting to know me”.

Natasha nodded, “ Yes, you are so right”.

Today, Natasha and I are good friends and I am happy she insisted on getting closer to me. Natasha and I both learned something from this story. She learned to not trust narratives. I learned to give people a chance when they want to enter my life.

It’s true that due to racial trauma, I often mistrust white people. Racism hurts and so I tend to protect myself until I really know someone well enough to let down my guard.

I never started life saying I did not want to be friends with white women, but in my 52 years on earth, I have had more bad experiences than good ones with them, and trust me, I really want that to change. Women like Natasha make me want to open up more to having good experiences and relationships with white women. I’m going to be brave and start trying more.

Thank you for reading my perspective.