PROMPT RESPONSE/WOTWU
“WTF, Mom and Dad?”
I didn’t know what I’d heard, but I didn’t like it
Remember a more innocent time, when we didn’t know there was such a thing as sex, or more specifically, “fucking?”
I sure do. And I’ll bet there’s not a person here who can stomach the thought of their parents getting busy. Doing the “nasty.” “Bumping uglies.” Getting all sweaty and stinky. Especially when you were a kid growing up and finally figured out what it was all about.
Ewwwwwwww!
Come on. Am I right?
Well, before I figured it out, I used to hear strange sounds coming from my folks’ bedroom, as well as from our finished basement! Weird, high-pitched squeaks, grunts, and groans. As a kid, that kind of stuff can scar you for life!
I’m a tad queasy now, thinking about it. No kidding. As hard as it is and was, I’d rather think about my parents fighting than fucking. They’re both gone now, but the memory of my imbecilic response to their trysts makes me cringe, still. Read on to see what a little shit I was.
It’s funny that even though I didn’t have an understanding of what sex was, I somehow knew there was something “dirty” about it. Which I finally found out is what makes it so damned enjoyable!
As time went on and I found out what people do while in the throes of passion, I was disgusted and okay, I admit it…a bit titillated, as I had started having those “feelings,” myself. Primarily in my bed at night, with my fuzzy blanket clenched between my prepubescent thighs. The hormones were just starting to bubble up and I didn’t know shit from Shinola. What kid does, really?
What I did know, or thought I did: That sort of thing wasn’t okay for my parents!
Because I couldn’t keep my thoughts to myself and also, I enjoyed writing (look out world!) I “aired my feelings” in a note that makes me cringe thinking about it. Unfortunately, I can’t push it back amongst the rest of the cobwebs in my brain as my dad kept the note, and my sister, who is the caretaker of all our late parents’ stuff that was worth holding onto, showed it to me!
Apparently, our father thought my childish diatribe was a hoot.
The gist of the thing, if I recall it correctly, was something like:
“Dear Mom and Dad,
I can’t believe what you did. I’m so disgusted! My friends’ parents wouldn’t do what you did and I can’t stay here, any more so I’m running away.
Sherry P.S. I’ll be at the park.”
Yeah. I was as nutty then as I am, now.
Eventually, I got over the whole parents-having-sex thing, especially after I started “dabbling,” on my own. Finally, I understood what all the ruckus was about and, although I was a late bloomer, I swiftly made up for lost time.
I can’t end this story without sharing the following, late-night gaffe committed, for a change, by my sister, and not me. As I think about it, I don’t know how my parents were able to fuck…ever!
To this day, I don’t know what the hell she was thinking but she walked into their room while they were doing the deed. Or, trying to.
As my sister tells it, our dad was so pissed that he jumped out of bed and chased her through the house! I guess he blew it before he could blow it, if you get my drift.
Ewwwwwwww!
Hey, who else wants to share stories like this one? My thanks to my gal, Suzanne V. Tanner for this prompt asking that we share cringe-worthy stories from our childhood or teen years. Here is the original story:
Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s soon-to-be-ex-manager is currently NOT pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.
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