Writing Under a Pen Name is Not Just Freeing
It can be healing too.
Up until January of this year, I was strictly a non-fiction writer. I didn’t believe I had the imagination to write fiction. And I certainly lacked the courage to write erotica.
When I got drawn into the positive sexuality community and felt the urge to write there myself, there was no question that I’d need a pen-name. I didn’t give it a whole lot of thought, to be honest. “Shirleytalksdirty” just popped into my head. I set up the account, and off I went.
The difference the pen-name made to my writing was remarkable — and pretty instant. If you’re a reader on Medium who is still working up the courage to write — on any topic — then I suggest you grab yourself a pseudonym and get going.
When you’re writing in the erotica arena, a pen-name is definitely worth considering. Obviously, they protect us from dangerous people who might otherwise stalk us. And they protect us from the judgment of those who know us personally — or of those we might cross paths with (in real life) in the future.
But what surprised me most was noticing that I felt protected from being seen — while also feeling embraced by those I was now allowing to see me.
This may sound odd. Isn’t that what we all want — to be seen? And while I do want that too, I’m also afraid to fully show parts of myself to others. I don’t want to be fully seen by anyone I don’t already trust.
Who hasn’t experienced the ease of being more open and vulnerable with a ship that is passing in the night while we doggedly guard our secrets against those closest to us?
Maybe that’s just a Scorpio trait, but it’s me for sure.
As ‘Shirley’, I’m more willing to delve into painful memories. Under my real name, I’m not prepared to write so openly. That’s a growth area for me, I’m aware.
In time, I may get there. For now, though, I’m taking baby steps under the shield of ‘Shirley’. And I’m finding it healing.
I’m working on some painful stories, and maybe I won’t choose to publish them at all. But I am writing them out — getting the sad out to make room for the happy. Despite therapists’ recommendations, I’ve resisted writing about them up until now, even in a private journal.
The other (less surprising) blessing of anonymity, is how it loosened my inhibitions around expressing my sexuality.
Being able to put aside my concerns, fears and secretive tendencies has meant I can explore on paper anything that I’m exploring in my head.
I’m a single person living alone through the lockdown. Right now, I don’t have the opportunity to make a real-life in-person connection with a new partner. So through my writing, I’m exploring new interests.
And when the time comes to connect with a new lover, I feel sure I’ll be looking for more adventurous experiences than I’ve had in the past. I’m gaining more clarity around what a like-minded partner looks like. And I’m confident I’ll be more willing to ask for what I want.
So far, I’ve experienced nothing but positives from writing anonymously. And my hope is that all of this will lead to me having the confidence to allow myself to be more seen — without the protection of ‘Shirley’ — in time to come.
Whether it’s the topic under discussion or a general shyness that’s holding you back, I highly recommend a pen-name for anyone who wishes to write but finds themselves holding back.
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