YOU ARE YOUR OWN REMOTE CONTROL

Writing is Hard Work

Turn off your phone

Are your thoughts in the weeds when you’re trying to concentrate? Are you writing and suddenly your mind is yanked into a conversation you were having the day before?

Do you keep your phone on while you write and answer texts that are non-essential while you are writing? Stop letting yourself get pulled out of your flow. Flow is something that needs to be cultivated, respected, and mastered. It is a practice.

Writing is working even if other people don’t think it is.

I understand a lot of people want something from you. I get it. I have friends and relatives. It is easy to be lured into thinking other people’s emergency is your emergency, but you’re working. Writing is working even if other people don’t think it is.

A lot of people will tell you they take your writing seriously, but if they are bothering you during office hours, they don’t. Your mind is your office. You are your boss. Your boss is telling you, ‘these are working hours. Get off your phone. Is that text work related?’

You can’t pick up every call or answer every text any more than you can play Candy Crush for eight hours. If you keep up this behavior, someone else will take your place as a writer. I thought you wanted this job.

I know people’s dramas and problems are great distractions, but your job is to avoid distraction. The only drama I want to see from you is in your stories, blogs, poetry, movie/music reviews, and how-to dos.

Stop letting yourself be yanked out of your narrative and positioned into someone else’s story. You’re at work. Did I already mention that? Changing the channel of your brain can be as easy as changing the channel of your television — if you’re willing to commit.

1. Turn off your phone when you’re working
2. If you cannot turn off your phone, block people who distract you, upset you, or don’t know how to hang up quickly
3. Don’t check Facebook, Insta, Twitter, or any other social media while you’re working
4. If you need to take a break, stand up. Make a cup of tea. Meditate for a minute. Take the dog for a walk. Pet the cats. Do a push-up
5. Don’t do housework
6. Open a book, read an article — get inspired not checked out

Okay, that was the easy part. The biggest challenge isn’t those external distractions but in your own thoughts. You are your worst saboteur. How do you control your own thoughts that derail you from your job?

Say you’re thinking about a conversation you were having with someone that upset you. You’re replaying it in your head. Your brain wants to fix it, so it plays the tape in a loop. Stop it. Not now. You’re working. This is the change the channel part.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m watching a show I hate, I turn it off. Or, I change the channel. If a show becomes overly horrific, I don’t sit there like a zombie with a broken remote control finger, knowing those images are catalysts for nightmares.

I put on a comedy. I put on a cooking show, usually a comedic one. I don’t like watching scary blond men yell at people. I just want to look at bad cakes.

However, when my brain goes to a show that upsets me while I’m writing, I drop anchor. I buy a condo nearby. Say I’m in a fight with someone I know. I’ll think of all the things I want to say to them, like they’re right in front of me. I repeat this cycle so many times, you’d think I was an actress learning lines for a show.

I think of what I’ll say. I think of how they’ll respond. I’m getting nothing done except learning my lines for this pretend play. My boss comes into my office and asks, ‘how’s it going?’ I hide under my desk.

The more I think about people and problems who aren’t in the room with me, the bigger they get. What am I supposed to do when this happens? I need to write. I’m going to fire myself as a writer. Not only do I need to write asap to keep my job. I need to write funny.

I am not the kind of writer who enjoys writing about conflict unless it's happening in America and I can find a few jokes in it. I try not to write about my family problems either, so I can’t fixate on them while I’m writing. They’re not the job.

I write as an escape, so marinating in my troubles is a word killer, a story murderer, a funny serial assassin. When I see myself doing that, it’s time to change the channel.

But what channel? What else is on? Something funny preferably, but that can be a big jump. Leaping from angst to humor is like jumping from one roof to another when you have no idea what the actual distance is. I also have bad eyes and I’m afraid of heights. Bad choice for me. I might need some tools.

What I need to do is find a solid board or a ladder to help me get across. But where do I find this metaphorical board ladder? You ask. That’s simple. It’s in my brain with all that other garbage that’s haranguing me.

I remind my brain I would rather be writing than mentally fighting with invisible demons. I think, ‘what I need is the best version of my writer-self right now.’ What I need is a headspace that will enable me to sit at my computer in my bedroom office to write for several hours.

Often, the decision to leave my monkey brain and enter my serenity brain gets me there. Most times, however, I need to use a ritual I created for myself. Lighting a candle. Putting on a writing blazer. Placing a sign on my desk.

You too can make or purchase a desk name wedge that says your name and writer. When it is on your desk, you are working. You cannot be bothered with nonsense. It’s your job. See? That’s what the wedge on my desk says. Amy Sea, Humorist.

So there you have it, folks. Some ditties on how I get work done when your problems and people are knocking on your office door, trying to get you to leave the office and have a drink with them.

You want to be a writer. Change the channel and lock the goddam door. Bolt it and hang up soundproof curtains. Good luck. Mind over chatter.

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