Writing Into the Unknown — My Heroine’s Journey

You are the protagonist in your own story

Is it hubris to compare our personal writing journeys to that of the mythic hero’s (or heroine’s) journey?

I think not.

While we may not be slewing Medusa or seeking penance through 12 labors, we are the protagonist in our own stories. We may not be Greek heroes carrying the favor of Athena, but our challenges and struggles are just as real.

Our moments of weakness are riddled with monsters and inner demons. Our moments of strength and triumph are victories to be shared and celebrated.

This is my heroine’s journey.

Hero is in their ordinary world. They receive a call to adventure.

— The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher Vogler

In the ordinary 8–5 working world, I’m an engineer.

It took me years to feel comfortable calling myself an engineer. All through my undergrad, I doubted if engineering was really the right fit for me.

In high school, my worst two subjects were calculus and physics. My top two subjects were English and Social Studies. Enough said, eh?

I’ve had a lifelong love for reading. Books were some of the closest friends I had when I was growing up. The flip side to a lifelong love for reading is this temptation to do for the reader what another author has done for you.

To reach out through the pages of a book and connect. To transform feeling and emotion into beautiful words and elegant sentences. To be there for someone you’ve never met and might never meet in life.

But I never took up writing. It was hard.

The few times I tried, I thought I had things to say. But the moment I tried to write, those thoughts would evaporate and all I’d have to show for my efforts was a dry creek bed without even the smallest trickle of water.

They are reluctant or may refuse the call the first time. They are encouraged by a mentor.

— The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher Vogler

I gave up trying to write and the idea of writing quickly fell by the wayside, abandoned and forgotten. But my “writing energy” couldn’t be contained and it took forms in other ways.

I’d wordsmith over the banalest of work emails — sent to other engineers that struggle with “your” vs “you’re”.

I’d proofread and edit my engineering father’s technical papers — which is as boring as it sounds, even for an engineer.

I’d perfect the structure and flow of my technical papers and investment proposals — even while knowing that no one reads them, not even the managers approving them.

Maybe if I had writers circulating through my social circles, one of them would have reached out with a helping hand. But alas, the intersection of “engineer” and “creative writer” is not a large pool of people.

Instead, the one thing I had to hold on to was my father once telling me, “No true engineer can write like you can”.

At the time, I thought he was doing the judgmental Asian parent thing, telling me I wasn’t a real engineer. With time, I learned to put more emphasis on the second half of that statement.

They enter the special world, or cross the threshold into the unknown.

— The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher Vogler

Enter the special world of COVID-19.

It took a global pandemic to forcefully slow down the pace of my life. Without the distractions of dinner parties and wine nights, I heard the inner calling of my writing muse.

I heard the “what ifs” floating through my head late at night, like the beckoning calls of sirens leading me into the unknown.

What if I returned to my childhood love of reading and writing? What if I channeled my inner bravery and put myself out there? What if I stopped this mental naysaying and just did it?

And so, I crossed the threshold.

They encounter many tests, allies, and enemies on the adventure.

— The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher Vogler

On the other side of the threshold, I discovered this wonderful world of writing.

There are those new to this world like me, tentatively dipping their toes in. Quietly and meekly, we chime in with our own voices — words and sentences, emotions and thoughts, ideas and questions.

And there are those more experienced in this world, sharing their wisdom and reaching out with a helping hand. They’re ready to welcome with open arms anyone brave enough to make it this far in their journey.

I found myself meeting and getting to know others. Here in the world of writing, people shared their darkest secrets — pouring their most vulnerable experiences and baring their souls for all the world to see.

Though we might not recognize one another if we passed by on the streets, I feel like I know so much more about these folks than many of the people I do know “in real life”.

This world of writing tears down barriers and boundaries. But this world isn’t all butterflies and rainbows.

I quickly experienced my own rites of passage. From the various forms that rejection takes — “not the right fit” and “thanks but we’ll pass on this”— to the dreaded writer’s block. The overwhelming frustration when you just can’t find the right words to portray the thought that’s on the tip of your fingers.

They approach the darkest place, crossing another threshold. They go through a major ordeal. They take the reward of the ordeal.

— The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher Vogler

The darkest place in this world of writing lives within each writer.

That inner voice of self-doubt. It’s seductive and convincing, persuading us in a way no outer voice ever could. All too quickly, its tendrils slip in insidiously, growing deep roots till it’s a weed that’s difficult to pull out.

I’ve toiled with what it takes to call myself a writer. I wasn’t born a writer and I don’t have a fancy piece of paper telling me that I am now a writer.

But after much soul searching, a 30-day writing challenge, and a handful of writing communities that I consider my writing homes, I’m starting to overcome my self-doubt.

I’m beginning to cross this second threshold — from the world of writing to the world of writers. While it doesn’t sit comfortably yet, I’m learning to say “I am a writer”.

My identity as a writer is my reward for daring to travel to this darkest place, and it’s a reward that I’m going to clutch closely and tightly. Self-confidence is a fickle thing and I’m going to do all I can to nurture it.

When your identity as a writer is as strong as a tall, broad oak tree, I’d like to believe that a few self-doubting weeds here and there won’t bring you down. If I ever become this wise oak tree, I’ll let you know the strength of my weeds.

But right now, my identity as a writer is more like a delicate pea blossom. Pretty, fragile, and easily overcome. Even a strong wind might be enough to blow it away.

But one day, I’ll grow big and strong.

They attempt to find the road back to their ordinary world. They cross a third threshold and are transformed by a big experience. They return with the elixir, bringing something home to benefit their ordinary world.

— The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher Vogler

I don’t think I’ve completed this part of my writing heroine’s journey yet.

Thus far, I haven’t let my evening writing identity meet any of my other identities. They’re still in completely separate worlds.

Being a writer is kind of like my superhero identity right now. Engineer by day, secret writer by night.

I don’t know what this third threshold will bring, but when it comes, I’ll cross it bravely and confidently.