Writing, Courage, Remembering
With my Guide, Seth
I’ll tell you all the reasons why you can’t. Now, you tell me one reason why you can. The best one is…
Because I Want To
You don’t need talent. You don’t need years of study. You don’t need to spend tons of money on equipment.
What you need is the ability to smile, mostly at yourself. You need to get out of bed, and before your feet hit the ground to say it’s a great day. You need to take a few moments out for yourself every once in a while just for you.
What is it you want? Do you want to be a writer? Well, you’ve got to read. Here at Medium, we like to read other member’s stories. I don’t think anyone is earning much money from the platform these days, but you are getting a fabulous experience. In the face of a monetary flop, you are exercising your writing muscles instead. It’s sort of like going for a jog every morning and seeing nothing more than your thighs firming up. You are sucking up whatever encouragement you get from the folks who read your articles and leave comments. From folks who clap. From folks who decide to follow you and to even subscribe to your articles.
Courage comes from small adjustments. Three years ago, I would never, in my wildest dreams, have thought to put my writing voice out there. To let another human being know what I was thinking. It was a mad, mad, mad idea.
Now? I’m happy to do it.
Life is not rosy 24/7, but when I catch myself heading into the dumps because I am tired or discouraged, I try to say an encouraging word to myself, which you can too. Even if you aren’t in the mood to listen to such motivational thoughts, they make a difference.
It’s like planting seeds. If you are out there planting seeds, of course, you aren’t going to see any action for a little bit. Those seeds need to become acclimated to the soil. They need to have optimal conditions to sprout, to grab hold of the earth as their roots begin to burrow, to absorb whatever they need to keep going and to sprout finally.
Then, as a sprout, they need the care of Mother Nature or yourself to provide a nurturing place to grow. Sun from the east. A bit of shade at noon. Netting to protect from birds who come to eat. Worms to help massage the earth.
Do the same thing for yourself. “Yes, I’ve got this. I know what to do. Stand up and stretch. Shake out my hands. Let my fingers fly.”
The sun will shine again. Let February be the month you are kind to yourself. Let February be the month when your writing self begins to emerge.
If you’ve been reading the pieces at Medium but have been afraid to publish anything on your own, let this month be where you say, every week,
I will write one story.
It only has to be 700 or so words long. Right now, what I’ve written so far is 517 words. Another 200 to go. What could you talk about? Talk about what you had for breakfast. If it’s too early and you haven’t eaten breakfast yet, think about a memorable breakfast.
The earliest memory I have of breakfast is carrying a bowl of cereal from the kitchen into the living room. I was five years old. Both hands wrapped around what seems now to be a rather large bowl. In reality, it was just a regular bowl.
The cereal swam, little islands in the milk, which was almost too high. Who made it for me? Did I make it myself? I don’t remember. What cereal was it? I don’t remember. I remember walking with that bowl of cereal held before me, trying so hard not to spill any of it. I remember being proud of myself that I could do that thing. I don’t remember getting to where I was going with that bowl of cereal and milk. Probably, I was heading for the round green chair in front of the television. Where were my brothers and sister? I don’t remember. I have a feeling my mother did not know I was doing this.
We were living in Lubbock, Texas at the time. That was where my youngest brother was born. I remember somebody had a red tricycle with a tiny red wagon. I remember tumbleweeds and going outside after the rain to find hundreds of tiny frogs jumping everywhere. So many had made their way into that shiny red wagon. I only remember we were all so thrilled to find all those frogs.
Just these tiny, short little memories that I have. If you want to remember more, you can. I’m unsure how you can do that other than move into a meditative state of mind.
A meditative state of mind is a quiet mind. Where you step off the sidewalk and stand or sit on the grass. You are no longer in the way of all the people on the sidewalk. You are safe. You don’t have to make eye contact with anyone. You don’t have to say good morning or excuse me. You don’t have to dodge folks who are moving faster than anyone else around you. It is quiet.
Of course, this is where those odd thoughts intrude upon your quiet place. Get some water. Is the soup boiling? Do I need to look out of the window to see what the weather is doing? What the fuck is Trump up to now? Yes, all those weird, disruptive thoughts.
Your eyes are closed, and you are remembering.
What next? Remember what you had for breakfast yesterday. Or any meal you had yesterday. You don’t have to remember everything about it. What you are doing is playing leapfrog along the string of pearls that is your memory.
Okay, got breakfast. Now what?
What were you doing last Saturday?
I can’t remember back that far.
Then, remember what it was like to get out of bed.
I can’t. Didn’t I tell you that I can’t remember?
Yes, but you know you didn’t spend the whole day in bed. Just remember what it feels like to get out of bed. You do it every day. Pretend that you are remembering how you got out of bed last Saturday. You know you were not at work or at school. Did you wake up at the same time?
No. I got up earlier than normal.
Why is that?
Well, I think just because it was Saturday, and I was excited to have the whole day in front of me. Like when I was a kid.
Okay, this is good.
Now what?
Now, remember the last time you went to the dentist.
Ah. That was a long time ago.
Okay, how long?
I think it has probably been three years.
Okay, so what was it like? Can you remember parking the car? Do you remember walking up the steps? Do you remember sitting in the waiting room?
I remember those things, but I don’t know if that was the last time I went.
Pretend. You know what it is like to sit in the waiting room of the dentist, no matter how long it’s been. Pretend that is what it was the last time you were there.
Okay. Now what?
Be with it for a moment. Remember the products they prepare set up on that display stand. Remember the art they have on the walls. That hasn’t changed in years. Just be there. It is not important how significant or important these memories are. It is important that you are moving back in time.
There is movement on your memory trail.
Now, remember being in school?
Which grade?
It doesn’t matter. Just pick one. Pick the first one that comes to mind.
Eighth grade.
How old were you then?
I was gawky. I can remember it was the first time I ever froze on the sidewalk. I can remember my legs being very heavy, and I could not pick up my feet to keep walking.
What did you do?
I stood there.
Did you ever tell anyone about it?
No.
What do you figure it was?
I was afraid.
Of what?
I don’t know. I was just afraid. I’d already lived in so many places.
How many up to that point?
Um. Nine places.
And, how old were you?
I was thirteen?
No, I think you were younger.
You’re right. I was twelve. Maybe eleven.
Even one year makes a big difference in the life of a young person. After you are older, it doesn’t matter so much, but when you are eleven years old, it makes a big difference.
This article is going places I never thought it would go.
Yes, we are aware of that.
I should probably say this is my guide I’m talking to right now. I’m a channel, and I talk to dead people.
Sort of like saying, “Have gun will travel.”
Who used to say that? Richard. Widmark? No. Richard Boone. Paladin was his name in the series. I just looked it up. It ran from 1957 to 1963. So, should we keep remembering things?
No, you are fine for now. The exercise is in calming your mind. It is in directing your mind. It is in being in control of your mind so that you are not so easily distracted. Being a writer requires you to be with your thoughts and to convey them in an orderly enough fashion so that others will want to hear them.
Why would anybody ever want to hear from me?
Because you’ve seen a lot, you’ve been happy, and you’ve been sad. You have been in control of your thoughts enough so that characters have come to life through your fingers. You’ve cried sometimes, and you can make people cry. You have grabbed their attention without making them feel afraid. You can do this.
Okay, lovelies. I’ve come up for air. This particular piece is now 1,711 words long. It’s about four pages in Word, the software I use to write. Then, I will go back to edit, format, and separate the places where my guide was speaking. I do have to tell you, as far as the channeling went in the beginning, I was asking myself those questions. It quickly morphed into me and my guide, Seth, which is okay, too. Like I said, I talk to dead people.
Although a spirit guide technically is dead, as in not alive in the flesh and bone like us, he is a presence. He is energy like us. He is a teacher like we are. He’s had a great deal to say in the 31 years I’ve known him.
It’s time for breakfast, and thanks for reading. It’s one way I connect and move myself into a writing space in my mind. I don’t do it all the time, but sometimes, when I need a poke in the right direction, it helps with my focus.