Writers versus Morons
The battle to save America
In this time of turmoil and corruption, we must once again call upon a great army of writers to save America from the clutches of morons. It is through the written word that the country has always been shown the way out of the deepest darkness. Today we stand knee deep in such darkness, our country torn apart by non readers, the slaves of conspiracy theory and reality TV. We are drowning under a tsunami of morons.
These morons, the intellectually impotent, have created a country where the Sunday paper is obsolete. The simple act of reading, of going from left to right, of comprehending the written word, having become too much to ask from a nation of idiots. The bookstore is a dying species on the verge of extinction and the poachers are here. The public library, the magnificent temple of intellectual prowess, the garden of great thinking, has been reduced to the role internet cafe’.
No one reads anymore. The bookstores die a painful humiliating death; the last of them will be burned for kindling as the morons stand around the fire roasting s’mores. A guy can become a millionaire by posting videos of a talking orange, but the great writers of America are forced to teach college English to survive, like some kind of literary side hustle.
The very existence of reality TV, though it in fact bares no resemblance to reality for most of us, is in itself an insult to the intelligence of all thinking people everywhere. This big, crumbling society pays millions and millions to morons who allow us the supreme privilege of watching them go shopping or having meaningless arguments with their even more moronic friends.
Only the moron factory of reality TV would still call a bitter, divorced bimbo a Real Housewife.
People don’t read anymore. And you can find last year’s Pulitzer nominees serving up mojitos at your neighborhood bar from 6:00 to 12:00 Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. Grading papers duing the slow times.
We must rise up America and once again become the best version of ourselves. A nation that has produced Hemingway and Morrison, Faulkner and Baldwin, cannot be ruled by morons! We must rise up writers, pen in hand — our mighty swords — and take back what is ours!
Erect statues of writers outside of the stadiums. Put a bookstore on every other corner like we do churches and liquor stores. And a great high school English teacher deserves at least as much pay as a guy filming a god damned talking orange!
Libraries should be sacred. They should be the places we all turn to in our times of need. The librarian is our spiritual guide. You need not confess your sins, but repent. Take a book, run your fingers along its spine, touch the most powerful force on earth, and gaze upon the knowledge of a thousand generations! And be grateful.
Rise up writers, and take back your nation from the plague of idiocy. You are the gatekeepers, the guardians of common sense. You are the very creators of reality. Make the world read again. Make the world make sense again. Make children dream real dreams again. Make reality real again!
And when once again, as a nation, we cannot wait to meet our favorite writer, when we stand in long lines, pen in hand, hoping to get an autograph from a giant of the written word, we will live again. We will breath again. The world will have been placed back properly on its axis. And we will love again.
We will be the children of a thousand generations again, made stronger with the knowledge of each. We will be made more humane by every poem. We will be made stronger with every book, and each page we read will be a bullet in the chamber. We will grow again. We will travel to the farthest reaches of the universe. We will see the shores of distant lands. We will know the sweetness of freedom. When the writers are risen, like a majestic phoenix, we will know again. Know what? Everything, except what’s still to be written.
