Write your garbage

Because it’s therapeutic.

I was a lost cause at school. My grades were low and going to school was distressing to say the least. I could not make sense of most of the subjects.

The biggest struggle, though, was with English language and literature. Grammar was never my beloved friend and Shakespeare was a complete nightmare.

Seeing me struggle with grades and in particular with English, my mother gave me a piece of valuable advice. She said: “Son, Write your garbage”.

“Write your garbage” — What does that even mean?

I asked her — “What does it mean, Ma?”

She responded — “Write as if no one is looking. There is no one to judge or evaluate your content. You don’t have to be grammatically correct. Just write and don't worry if it makes sense or not.”

In short, she wanted me to do what we do with garbage in our house. We just throw it away in the bin to keep our house clean.

I was born in India, at a time (1984) when academic progress was the topmost priority for parents. Thankfully, my mom was well ahead of her time. She was quick to figure out that the school’s grading system was putting a lot of pressure on me.

I hated going to school. It seemed as if the teachers were paid to torture me. There were frustration, anxiety, and restlessness in everything I was doing.

My mother, being an avid reader, suggested ‘Journal Writing’ as the answer to some of my problems. Little did she knew, that this habit would one day introduce me to the world of blogging and public speaking.

Mindfulness

Our brain is a chatter box. According to a research done by Laboratory of Neuroimaging (LONI) at UCLA, our brain produces 0.8 thoughts a second.

Personally, as a kid, it had to have been 800 thoughts a second, with all of them negative and distressing. It was a never ending cycle of negative thoughts. One leading to another forcing me to go in a state of Rumination.

Rumination — Obsessive thoughts concerning extreme, recurring ideas or concepts that interrupt other types of cognitive actions; a typical element of obsessive-compulsive disorder — What is RUMINATION? definition of RUMINATION (Psychology Dictionary)

I started writing these negative thoughts as they were coming. Although these thoughts were generated at a rapid pace, it was impossible to write them at the same speed.

Slowing down the rate of these thoughts gave me a breather. It allowed me to reflect on these thoughts as well.

I was onto something.

I realized that each thought was associated with an assumption. These assumptions were giving birth to several emotions like anxiety, stress, and disappointment. These emotions would then force me to think of the worst-case scenario.

Writing helped me in looking at the reality rather than the assumption. It helped me in looking for solutions instead of pondering heavily on an incident.

A tool to handle social anxiety

I could never categorize myself as an introvert or an extrovert. An ambivert maybe, but English, is not my first language and I didn’t know the meaning of ambivert until I was in my mid-twenties.

In short, I could make friends easily but suffered from social anxiety.

Writing helped in handling social anxiety issues. How?

People suffering from social anxiety think that they are not accepted in society. We are scared of being judged at every moment. We think we have many flaws and feel embarrassed about them.

Journal writing allowed me to understand that we are our worst critiques. The judgment comes from inside.

If you are not scared of the beast inside you, the beast outside you can do you no harm — Les Brown

Social anxiety is due to a needlessly added responsibility of being at our best behavior. Writing helped me to realize this in bold letters and REALIZATION is the first step towards any change.

I realized that I don’t have to be perfect. I learned to accept my limitations. This made me comfortable in my own skin. I started writing down the most difficult conversations, analyzed my insecurities, and then dissected each conversation to filter out assumptions from reality.

Yes, it was a lot of hard work and may not be the way for everyone. It worked for me and that’s what mattered. I was able to convert my inhibitions into some of the most impactful conversations I ever had.

Writing is therapeutic

What is meditation? “Meditation is a practice that allows you to stay in the present. It makes you aware of the million thoughts your brain produces every moment”

Journal Writing does something similar. It helps you to focus on the present and understand yourself in a better way. It gives a direction to your negative thoughts.

Journal writing provides a platform to utilize negative energies for something constructive.

Today, I create content out of my journals to practice public speaking at Toastmasters. Sometimes I am able to motivate others. At times, I motivate myself. At the end of the day, it's a beautiful process of knowing myself.

Conclusion

I write and speak my garbage. Sometimes it smells and sometimes I introduce myself to hidden jewels. I am no longer attached to the outcome but to the process.

My mom taught me a real-life lesson pertaining to the proverbial phrase — When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Having said that, I would leave it to you to decide if my mother’s idea was a fluke or a distant dream but the bottom line is: IT HELPED.

Thank you.

Tarun

P.S — Medium is an excellent platform to read, write and learn from fellow authors. If you want to join me in this journey, Join medium today.