Write Even If You Are Afraid Of Writing.

English is my fourth language (Saraiki, Punjabi, Urdu/Hindi being the first 3). I write in all four. Agnostic of which language I write in, I’m always scared that it’s not good enough. But, it’s just a writer’s-phobia.

My late father (may he rest in eternal peace) was a writer and poet, among other things. He wrote short stories, prose, and poetry in 2 languages: Saraiki and Urdu. When I was 14, he wanted to teach me how to write short stories, prose, and poetry, but All I wanted to do was: play cricket, billiards, and not listen to him.

Many years later, l wish I listened to him a bit more. It is useless to cry over the spilt milk now, but 2 years ago, I realised that he, along with his poetry, still exists in me. And, I may know many of things about writing poetry which he might have wanted to teach me.

In 2018 while living in Dubai, I met a few artistic and romantic souls at work. All they would talk in our chats will be about beaches, jungles, nature, and different shapes and farms of love. I was quickly drawn to their company and enjoyed those discussions.

It still didn’t trigger ‘writing’ or ‘poetry’ in me. During the same period, friends and family started sharing random poetry, and Rumi quotes on WhatsApp with me. It caused me to read more about Rumi and Love. And, ultimately pushing me to write things of my own.

In all honesty, deep down, I have always known that I can write. I was just not confident enough to accept it. It was due to my “writer’s block”: a continuous feeling that my writing is not good enough. Somehow, those romantic chats and Rumi quotes helped me overcome that fear. And. I. Started. Writing!

The easiest way for me to write was on WhatsApp as Status Updates. It’s that status message (on the Status tab in WhatsApp) which stays visible to your contacts for 24 hours. I started updating my status with my write-ups every other day (out of the blue as a thing which I never did before). It helped me give words to my emotions, and I started enjoying writing.

Here are some of my English verses for you (I also wrote in Saraiki, Punjabi, and Urdu).

With love in my heart, I roam the world until I depart. I offer a shoulder to cry on, Though I have some sorrows in my own cart.

I am a free soul, Hated by a few and many’s life goal. Once captured by your love, My life took a heavy toll. You will not understand this, But I don’t blame you at all.

Don’t judge me so fast, I am a product of my past. So many fears I conquered, So many demons I had to tame. Learnt the lessons the hard way, All I have today came at a cost.

A few of my friends appreciated my write-ups and provided excellent feedback. And it also shocked a few. Some close family members even started asking my wife if everything in my life was okay! Majorly because of such concerns, I stopped updating my WhatsApp status messages. I thought that wouldn’t stop me from writing. But, it actually did.

After moving back to Melbourne, from the last few months, my life has been very hectic and even stressful. A close friend asked me how I managed my stress and what was my escape activity. I couldn’t answer him. Because I was stuck in that rat race again and didn’t know how to break free from it.

It was the same time I reactivated my Medium membership; one of the best decisions I’ve recently made. Reading so many different things written by various human beings from all over the world gave me some hope. And, most importantly, some courage to start writing again.

Here I am. With my first article, after a long time, not worrying about others’ judgement or anything for that matter. And, I can’t tell you how happy I feel, in this very moment, drafting it. I think this is my escape activity from my stress, life’s worries, and that rat race.

Afraid of writing, worried that it wouldn’t be good enough, scared people wouldn’t like it: I had writing-phobia. I told myself, how wrong, untidy, and shitty my 4th language write-up could be? Naturally, it was just a phobia; not real, a mere idea in my head.

Nervous. No more. Braver than before. A new me. Writing. Fighting.

Write, even it scares the hell out of you.

If I can, you can too.

With love and coffee, Salam