Write as if No One’s Reading

Writer’s block is something I have long dreaded, and it seems that since the end of May, I have been afflicted with my very first ‘dose.’ Sure, I’ve published a few articles in that time, but the effort and exhaustion of finding something worthy of exploring has been excessive.

Anyone familiar with my stuff will know that I tend to write about self-improvement, self-discovery, and the joys (sarcastic application) of being a woman in her late forties and somewhere in the midst of menopause. And you’d think that within all this, there should be a buffet of options to fuel my imagination and set me into action at the keyboard. But, alas, not.

And I fear the problem is bigger than writer’s block.

As I type this, I am lying on my bed in the middle of the day, struggling to keep my eyes open and battling a sore throat, swollen glands, and achy limbs. In the last two days, I’ve been awake for fewer hours than I’ve been asleep. At face value, I could have something like tonsilitis or glandular fever, but in reality, I am more likely to be on the cusp of burnout.

My life is swimming in stress, and my mind is rarely quiet, thanks to my ADHD. But recently, I seem to have slowed down. The frantic and constant movement that usually characterizes me has dwindled to a slow and occasional twitch. My health has been on a slow decline for weeks, and my abdominal pain seems to have returned with a depressing frequency, like a screaming red flag. I’m at an emotional breaking point. Again.

My writing is a casualty of this mess, and it’s killing me.

I love to write. It’s the only thing that cuts through the mental chatter, gives me focus, and makes me feel proud of myself. Without the inspiration to write, my life feels hollow.

I needed an answer, and I’d been scrabbling for weeks, searching for something that would give the situation some meaning. And I found it, but not on the internet, not at the bottom of a glass of wine (although I have conducted an extensive search), and not in any of the inspirational books that line my dusty bookcase.

In fact, the answer found me.

As I lay in my bed this morning, in the soft daze of imminent sleep, I allowed my mind to drift wherever it wanted to take me. And a clear message landed in my mind.

Write for the joy of writing — the words will come.

Now, I’m a very spiritual woman and a firm believer in the presence and power of God. Each day, I receive an email with a verse from the bible and some words to illuminate the meaning. So I reached for my phone and checked to see if today’s email had arrived. It had, and the bible verse for today was:

Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. — Proverbs 16:3

So here I am, committing my work to the Lord, writing simply for the joy of writing. I’m no longer writing for the views or the claps, I’m writing for the release it gives me. I don’t know what that will look like, what it will be about, or whether anyone will want to read it!

But I am going back to my core value — writing for the joy and peace it affords me, patiently waiting for inspiration to strike.

Oh…and applying some serious self-care and getting myself physically and emotionally healthy again too!

Thanks for reading ;-)