Would You Live With A Broken Trust?

The fragility of trust

“Come on, you can trust me.”

I raised an eyebrow. My ears pricked up when I heard that statement. I shifted my gaze slowly and walked away.

What is trust?

Like cats’ eyes gleaming in the gloom, trust rests silently in your bosom. Trust sits warmly and quietly in your heart, no matter how long it resides within. Trust feels fresh. Trust assures. Trust creates an invisible bond of reliance connecting two people across time and space in a spiritual quantum entanglement. Regardless of distance and shores, trust stands firm, stable and enduring.

Look at the bloom that stretches effortlessly towards the rays of sun gleams. That’s a display of confidence, of complete trust. Often words are unnecessary because trust is self-assured and direct, needs no justification. Trust is strong enough to weather any storm and win any battle in silence. That’s how trust is.

Trust matures, expands and evolves, demanding complete openness and transparency with each layer laid over the other, forming a structure that’s steadfast and dependable. Unlike clusters of mushrooms that spring up immediately after a thunderstorm, it takes time to build trust. Much like fine wine gets better with age, trust is a precious gift upon which you set your heart.

You’ll guard it like a brilliant cut stone, protecting it from erosion, from lies, from accusations of others. You even attempt to defend trust from your own self-doubt. You trusted therefore it made you feel safe. It seems strange, almost absurd, that something so insubstantial can have such a great impact.

That’s how it was. That’s how I trusted you. I believed in you.

Until the day trust collapsed, and despair encompassed every part of me. Discouragement and defeat weighed me down. Each day I woke up confused, foggy and disoriented. I’m losing hope. When will the fog lift? Will I ever be free from racing thoughts like horses that run on a racetrack?

We nurture trust through constant connection and growth. It’s an ongoing exchange between two people. Trust is not static, and losing it can be costly.

A fracture occurred. In a blink of an eye, the structure crumbles.

How could this be? Despite standing strong and proud, trust collapse, like broken glass. From a prominent place, it falls. The commitment erodes. It goes from treasure to trash in just moments. Once it’s gone, there is no point in trying to put it back together. Once cracked, it can never be whole again. Despite years of stability, it’s disappearing down the road of no return. Such fragility.

It’s gone. I withdraw my energy, withdrawing my presence from your world. Nothing is ever enough because you’re never enough for yourself. I’m no longer responsible for your happiness. Don’t make me stay within the confines of your emotional quicksand. I need to feel safe. I need to feel safe to be me.

Go ahead. Stab me and I’ll heal. Cut me and in a moment, I’ll stop bleeding. But break my heart and the wound will last a lifetime. What do you do when trust is broken? How do you go on when reality crumbles?

Does it matter? Will it ever matter again?

All that’s left now are words. Empty. Meaningless. Hollow.

It felt strange. Trust has been sustaining my heart for the longest time. It was once alive and effervescent. Now it lays limp on the ground, like a deflated balloon.

No, I don’t want your apology. I don’t need your explanation. Because forgiveness is never an issue. And apology means nothing if you’re not sorry for what had happened.

I’ve started building. I’m erecting a wall around my heart. Construction has begun. It takes time to heal, so I’m recreating space for myself. I’m making myself a priority for a change. Don’t judge me. For I can surely live with a lie, but I’ll never live with a broken trust.

Thanks to Marcus.