Worrying About These Things Is Robbing You Of Happiness
Like Elsa said: Let it go.
Life is a matter of perspective. Healthy perspective, though, is something that we must choose. As humans, our default setting is survival. This means that we notice, instinctively, dangers and potential threats at every turn. It’s how biological evolution has wired us (thankfully).
However, that doesn’t mean that every little thing our subconscious mind notices is actually worth spending (ahem, wasting) time worrying about.
Your primitive brain is telling you that every time you get rejected, it means the tribe has banished you into the woods and you’re now in danger of being eaten by a Sabre tooth tiger. Obviously, not relevant in modern times.
If we just tacitly accept every subconscious message our mind tells us, then, we’ll be stuck scurrying around avoiding every tiny perceived danger like a squirrel in the middle of the road.
Let’s take a moment and talk about a few of the things that are robbing us of our mental and emotional freedom, and are quite frankly, a waste of time to worry about.
1: Other people’s opinions.
How many decisions in your life have you made because of external influence? It’s okay — you can be honest, we’re all friends here.
For some, it’s the small nuances of daily life, like what they wear, or how they style their hair, or what car they drive. They do it in order to get approval from the outside world, be accepted into a social clique, or elevate their own social status…even if it’s not fully aligned with who they really are.
For others, it can mean making major life decisions that set them on the wrong path. They may befriend the wrong people because they think it’s beneficial to their career. Hell, they might even marry the wrong person because of pressure from family, friends, or an internal narrative driven by past thoughts or experiences.
The common thread here is that many people make many decisions that aren’t actually aligned with what they want or need.
They start crafting their whole life into something that looks good on the outside, without asking if it feels good on the inside.
Are you dating that person because they look good in your selfies? Or because they’re a genuine and compassionate life partner?
Are you choosing this career path because it’s deeply connected to your purpose? Or because it’s what your parents or friends always thought you “should do”?
There are a million different ways that external influences can impact our decision making, but at the end of the day, what’s most important is how you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself.
And…if someone truly cares about your happiness, all they’ll want to see you do, is what’s right for you, not what they think is right for you.
2: That extra five pounds driving you insane.
Listen, I get it — more than most people. We all have something that we want to change about ourselves physically. Teeth, hair (I shaved mine because it was just getting silly looking), a few extra pounds we want to lose…whatever it is, we all have something.
Now, let me be clear — health is one of the most important things any of us can ever focus on. In no way whatsoever am I saying to neglect your health, or to ignore real and serious issues.
What I am saying is, keep things in perspective.
Odds are, the things that drive you crazy about yourself barely even get noticed by other people.
Anyone who knows me in person knows that I am a car fanatic. Naturally, then, many of my friends are as well.
I’ve had so many friends point out a small dent or a paint chip on their car that is driving them bonkers.
“Do you see this? Look at this monstrosity! I need to get this fixed immediately!”
Meanwhile, everyone else is pulling out their magnifying glass to see what the big deal is.
Nobody noticed.
Nobody cared.
Nobody would’ve even known it was there if the owner hadn’t pointed it out.
But, it was driving him insane.
The same goes for our own personal flaws…while we’re beating ourselves up over something we consider catastrophic, nobody else is even paying attention, probably because they’re off worrying about their own flaws (that nobody else is noticing, either).
3: The blip in your health and fitness routine.
Consistency is everything when it comes to health and fitness.
Yes, you have to show up regularly.
Yes, you have to stick to a plan.
Yes, you need to take it all seriously.
And, yes, you also have to be able to give yourself a little grace, a little flexibility, a little leeway during times when you fall short.
Maybe you’re not feeling well and missed the gym. Maybe you went to a birthday party and had an extra piece of cake. Maybe your partner wanted to order a pizza and you caved in…
Guess what? That’s okay.
I don’t believe that anything in life should be so strict that it completely eliminates joy or small indulgences now and then.
Balance is key. Too much of bad things is, quite obviously bad.
Too much of good things, though, can make you feel restricted, deprived, or unhappy.
You’re not a robot. You don’t have to be perfect. You’re allowed to slip here and there…
Just remember to get back up onto the horse after you fall — if that “small slip” leads to tumbling all the way down the hill, that’s when further challenges are going to arise.
4: What your ex is doing.
It’s difficult letting go of an ex, especially if you spent a significant amount of time together, or had a plan for a shared future.
As I’ve been discussing with some private clients lately who are processing breakups, it’s not just about processing the loss of a person, but the loss of an entire (potential) future that will no longer exist.
The truth is, though, that sometimes that future wasn’t even going to exist in the first place.
And, now that it’s definitely not going to — it’s time to feel the feels, process the loss, and (in your own time) begin the steps of moving forward.
Wasting time and energy thinking about who they might be with, or what they might be doing, only keeps you stuck in the same negative thought cycles that will never allow you to move on until you break yourself free of them.
5: What everyone else is doing in general.
How much time do you spend…scrolling?
I mean honestly, how much time?
The truth is that you probably don’t even know. I know that I sure as hell don’t know.
Time just seems to evaporate when you’re scrolling through social media posts.
“Awww a puppy. Look at that baby. Nice car. Nice house. Ew. What? Uh, no. Oh, yes, I agree. Must share this.”
And then, 3 hours have gone by.
I understand that it’s appealing, and even addicting to get lost in the highlight reels of social media, but at the end of the day, we’ve got to stop and ask what the real value of it is.
Most often, there is none.
Now, don’t get me wrong — I use social media just as much as the next person (probably more) and understand that it has enormous benefits.
It is a tool, though. And like any other tool, the level of value you get from it is dependent on how you use it.
You can learn new skills, find inspirational content, connect with potential business contacts, and even find a relationship (that’s how my wife and I met).
Or…what most people seem to do, you can just scroll mindlessly for hours, feel badly about yourself because everyone else’s life looks perfect (it isn’t), and waste oodles of time doing essentially nothing.
Next time you find yourself mindlessly scrolling, make a conscious decision to stop and ask yourself what you’re getting out of the experience in that moment. If the answer is “nothing,” then move on to something else.
6: That silly thing you said at that party.
You’ve been dwelling on it for weeks, but here’s a spoiler alert: Nobody else remembers the awkward moment it created, and they all just moved on with their evening. You’re in the clear.
7: The mean comment from that troll on social media.
When I first started writing (more than a decade and 40 million website visitors ago), I hung on every single word that people commented. I’d argue, I’d defend my points, I’d take things personally, I’d let it bother me for days…
As the years went on, I realized that people who are actually happy with their lives and doing things that matter have neither the time, nor the interest to waste their lives criticizing random strangers on the internet.
What’s more — I realized that everyone who had negative or hurtful things to say was hiding behind anonymous usernames with no photos.
Why should I (or you) give any credence to the words of an anonymous egg photo that doesn’t even have the courage to use a real face or name?
Why should you take something personally from a person who doesn’t know you personally?
Remember that happy and successful people never waste their time trying to drag others down. They’re too busy enjoying life, building relationships, and pursuing new goals, dreams, and desires.
8: Mistakes you’ve made in the past.
Listen, I get it — past mistakes can haunt you.
They can throw you off track.
They can lose you money.
They can ruin relationships.
They can set you back.
They can fundamentally change the course of your life…
Dwelling on them, though — replaying them in your mind for weeks, or months, or years to come, is not going to change what happened, nor the result of it.
Past mistakes are permanent fixtures in your life for the simple reason that they cannot be changed.
They can, however, be learned from.
They can be improved upon.
They can be apologized for.
They can teach you about yourself and the world.
Spending (wasting) time replaying the event in your mind only serves to resurrect it into the present. To make you live through it all over again.
Mistakes can impact the future, but just as that decision changed the course of reality, a new decision can change it all over again.
Remember — a mistake is only a mistake until you learn from it. And then, it becomes a lesson.
- Click here to book a free call to see if we’re a fit to work together. My private clients find themselves living more confident, purposeful lives and cultivating healthier relationships with those around them.
- James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
- Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
- James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
