Workplace Gossips, Lunch Thieves And Non Drinks Makers.

Another Day At The Office

Now I know that really when you are at work. You should work. But who doesn’t love a bit of harmless gossip? Wondering who Karen from Accounts is chasing. And as for Sophie in HR, well, her skirts are far too short and the subject of much comment. Then there’s Anthony who spends more time outside having a smoke than he spends inside actually doing something useful. For those in offices, it’s these things that make the world go round and are mostly harmless and gossip can flow like a river behind the filing cabinet. And it’s always about somebody else.

Well, not much gossiping is done by Anthony perhaps because he’s always outside “just having a quick smoke”. Anthony’s “quick smokes” probably take up about four hours of his eight hour working day.

And then there’s another breed. I call them the Office Hunter-Gatherers also known as THE LUNCH THIEF. Yep, they lurk in every office. Watching the office fridge and kitchen like vultures waiting for an animal to die. I might say at this point the Lunch Thief doesn’t want you to die. They want your lunch and will use any means necessary to get it. You’re sitting at your desk getting on with your work. Head down tip-tapping away. The Lunch Thief seizes her chance and under the guise of a toilet break heads off to the kitchen and rummages around your sandwich box and everyone else’s.

They are a cunning breed. They take some of your lunch and then rearrange your sandwich box hoping you don’t notice that four sandwiches have turned into three and your cheese biscuits have somewhat dwindled. You're sure you packed four sandwiches but there's only three. You start to worry you are suffering memory loss. Rinse and repeat for every lunch in the fridge and the Lunch Thief eats like a King and completely free of charge. Every day. And at your expense. Things can get to a level where sandwiches go walkabout and you are trying to work out who was missing when your sandwich was abducted from it’s lunchbox.

Another breed lurks. The Non-Drinks Maker. These people are stuck to their chairs. Permanently. They never get up. If there was a fire they probably wouldn’t get up either. However, they come with an inbuilt antenna and can hear a kettle being switched on or mention of a drinks round. They lean forward expectantly cup and spoon in hand, not unlike that poor child Oliver in Oliver Twist. Like fools, we fall for it and take the cup and head off to the kitchen and come back with a tray of drinks, one of which is theirs. This can go on all day. For hours they sit in their chairs having refreshments served. What’s not to like? But a counter-argument could be that they are very productive workers as they never leave their desks. I’ve done it myself and sent texts to colleagues “bit dry in here” or “I think I’ve got dehydration”. Works every time.

Thieves, gossips and non-drinks makers. To be found in every office near you and all part of it’s rich tapestry.

“Yes, I’d love a Coffee, thanks very much!”