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allow for better decision making and healthier relationships, but it also gives us a greater understanding of who we are. In this, we learn where certain emotions come from, why we react the way we do towards certain circumstances, and what must be changed to achieve what we want to achieve.To put it simply, an individual who lacks emotional awareness has the potential to not only wreak havoc in their own life but also in the lives of those around them. Though it takes time, learning to understand one’s own emotions and origins is a life-changing skill.<h1 id="84b4">2. Self-Regulation</h1>After becoming aware of our emotions, we must now learn to regulate them. In that, the importance of self-regulation can not be underestimated. Steven Stonsy, PHD, describes it as the following.<blockquote id="5513">It’s the ability to act consistently in your long-term best interests. That entails regulating emotions and impulses that would cause you to act against your long-term best interests. -<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/202004/self-regulation">Psychology Today</a></blockquote>Anxiety, sadness, hurt, anger, even happiness all have the ability to deter us from our goals if the behaviours that arise from their presence are not kept in check. The ability to regulate these emotions and the bodily sensations that arise so as to not be distracted from our goals is at the heart of self-regulation and therefore, emotional intelligence.For example, maybe your fear of failure results in anxiety when wanting to work on a project. Self-regulation in the form of breathwork or meditation would be incorporated here to calm the nervous system and the stress response that anxiety produces. You may be passionate about your work but unless you are able to counteract the negative emotions that will motivate you into avoidance (I.e, self regulate), you will find yourself making little progress.Our emotions are in a constant state of flux and our inner world can turn from calmness to disarray in a matter of moments. It’s essential to be able to regulate these waves to maintain a good workflow. To turn feelings of worthlessness to feelings of worthiness, demotivation to motivation, sadness to happiness, fear to encouragement. Inevitably we aim to decrease the amount of harmful/unhelpful behaviours that stop us from reaching our true potential.<h1 id="d57f">3. Motivation</h1>Emotional Intelligence requires us to turn inwards as a source of motivation and not outwards. Outside sources, whilst highly motivating, are fleeting and if we at our core lack the belief to attain, motivation will scarcely last.At the heart of self-motivation is self-worth as we can’t hope to achieve if we aren’t believing in ourselves. Taking the above two skills into account, the ability to self-motivate involves the awareness and regulation of negative emotions such as fear and pessimism to turn them into encouragement and optimism. It’s the difference between telling yourself you’re unable to succeed and reminding yourself you are worthy of more. In one case, negative thought

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patterns lead to emotions such as sadness, hopelessness and fear perpetuating demotivation and in the other, positive thought patterns lead to states of motivation and wholeness.Living too long in states of demotivation will place a ceiling firmly on your potential. Seeking pick-me-ups in the form of external things such as social validation, or drugs, will lead to temporary motivation if our internal world favours negative thought patterns. Inevitably the external source will fade and the inner world will take effect. The drive has to come from within. We combine awareness of thought and regulation of emotions to achieve this.The ability to motivate yourself in light of difficulties is a quality that undoubtedly will help change your life.<h1 id="2bd0">4 and 5. Empathy and Social Skills</h1>Now we turn to our social surroundings. Empathy is a key interpersonal skill and is the one highlighted here due to its importance in relating ourselves to other individuals. We may not agree with other people’s opinions but being able to see their side of the story allows us to better manage conflict as well as maintain healthier relationships.Of course, empathy can only be achieved once we have learnt the art of self-awareness. It encapsulates the understanding of other peoples emotions not only in relation to you but others and society as a whole. An example of this is simply understanding other peoples sadness through relating it to your own.Encompassing the final category, social skills, is the array of emotional understandings that maintain healthy relationships. These range from actively listening to verbal communications to non-verbal communications. All of which require awareness of another’s emotions as well as the regulation of our own in response to other people’s behaviours so as to rationally respond in the appropriate way.Without social skills, we’re hard-lucked to find success in our social world. That is why these skills make up the final part of emotional intelligence.All in all, each of the 5 categories that make up EQ serve an important role; to leave us better equipped to deal with our own emotions as we as the emotions of those around us. From personal experience, I can vouch for the positive transformation that occurs when beginning to develop your EQ. Living at the mercy of your emotions is a stressful experience and self-sabotage is a common mainstay in the life of someone who lacks emotional intelligence. Transform your life by beginning to understand your emotions.There is so much more than can be said on this subject as this has barely touched the surface. I highly recommend<a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Emotional-Intelligence-Anniversary-Daniel-Goleman/dp/1526633620/ref=asc_df_1526633620/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=463264146707&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12485780349522379809&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006912&hvtargid=pla-967747086228&psc=1&th=1&psc=1"> Daniel Goleman’s book</a> on the subject for a greater understanding.</article></body>

Working On Your Emotional Intelligence Will Change Your Life

When we embark on any personal growth journey arguably the most important thing we can hope to develop is emotional intelligence (EQ). We’re not taught it in schools and yet it lies at the heart of success and attaining what we want. We can’t hope to achieve anything if we lay at the mercy of our emotions. In fact, those of us who have embarked on this journey of self-development have likely spent much of our lives at their throws.

So what is Emotional Intelligence, or EQ? It’s simply the ability to apply sense to our emotions. Not only in regards to ourselves but also to those around us. Whether we like to admit it or not, many of our behaviours are governed by our emotions. In most cases, we think, we feel, and we subsequently choose. The internal rise of emotion is only a feeling away from motivating us into maladaptive or unhealthy behaviours that don’t benefit our long-term goals. It’s the difference between procrastination because you fear failure and pursuing a goal. It’s the difference between rationally speaking to your boss and not allowing your anger over previous disagreements to take over.

Developing our emotional intelligence gives us the opportunity to put a wedge between our emotions and behaviours. As a result, we’re better equipped to apply rationale and logic to our internal world and external world. Overall, it’s an incredibly valuable tool to cultivate. You can have all the IQ in the world but unless you have an adequate supply of EQ, there is a considerable hindrance on your ability to manoeuvre the tumultuous experience that is life.

With that in mind, I wanted to highlight Daniel Goleman’s (author of the bestselling book, “Emotional Intelligence…”) proposed 5 key components of emotional intelligence. The first 3 are regarded as “personal” skills whilst the final 2 focus on social attributes. Whilst all are important, the first two serve as the foundations of emotional intelligence. As a whole, however, each one is important in its ability to help you master your emotions, navigate the emotions of those around you and subsequently, aid you in succeeding in our ever-growing, social landscape.

1. Emotional Awareness

There is no EQ without emotional awareness. In order for us to navigate our emotions, we must first be able to identify them. Not only does this allow us to ensure that we aren’t allowing certain emotions to dictate unwanted behaviours, but it also allows us to understand their impact on those around us.

Not only does this emotional awareness allow for better decision making and healthier relationships, but it also gives us a greater understanding of who we are. In this, we learn where certain emotions come from, why we react the way we do towards certain circumstances, and what must be changed to achieve what we want to achieve.

To put it simply, an individual who lacks emotional awareness has the potential to not only wreak havoc in their own life but also in the lives of those around them. Though it takes time, learning to understand one’s own emotions and origins is a life-changing skill.

2. Self-Regulation

After becoming aware of our emotions, we must now learn to regulate them. In that, the importance of self-regulation can not be underestimated. Steven Stonsy, PHD, describes it as the following.

It’s the ability to act consistently in your long-term best interests. That entails regulating emotions and impulses that would cause you to act against your long-term best interests. -Psychology Today

Anxiety, sadness, hurt, anger, even happiness all have the ability to deter us from our goals if the behaviours that arise from their presence are not kept in check. The ability to regulate these emotions and the bodily sensations that arise so as to not be distracted from our goals is at the heart of self-regulation and therefore, emotional intelligence.

For example, maybe your fear of failure results in anxiety when wanting to work on a project. Self-regulation in the form of breathwork or meditation would be incorporated here to calm the nervous system and the stress response that anxiety produces. You may be passionate about your work but unless you are able to counteract the negative emotions that will motivate you into avoidance (I.e, self regulate), you will find yourself making little progress.

Our emotions are in a constant state of flux and our inner world can turn from calmness to disarray in a matter of moments. It’s essential to be able to regulate these waves to maintain a good workflow. To turn feelings of worthlessness to feelings of worthiness, demotivation to motivation, sadness to happiness, fear to encouragement. Inevitably we aim to decrease the amount of harmful/unhelpful behaviours that stop us from reaching our true potential.

3. Motivation

Emotional Intelligence requires us to turn inwards as a source of motivation and not outwards. Outside sources, whilst highly motivating, are fleeting and if we at our core lack the belief to attain, motivation will scarcely last.

At the heart of self-motivation is self-worth as we can’t hope to achieve if we aren’t believing in ourselves. Taking the above two skills into account, the ability to self-motivate involves the awareness and regulation of negative emotions such as fear and pessimism to turn them into encouragement and optimism. It’s the difference between telling yourself you’re unable to succeed and reminding yourself you are worthy of more. In one case, negative thought patterns lead to emotions such as sadness, hopelessness and fear perpetuating demotivation and in the other, positive thought patterns lead to states of motivation and wholeness.

Living too long in states of demotivation will place a ceiling firmly on your potential. Seeking pick-me-ups in the form of external things such as social validation, or drugs, will lead to temporary motivation if our internal world favours negative thought patterns. Inevitably the external source will fade and the inner world will take effect. The drive has to come from within. We combine awareness of thought and regulation of emotions to achieve this.

The ability to motivate yourself in light of difficulties is a quality that undoubtedly will help change your life.

4 and 5. Empathy and Social Skills

Now we turn to our social surroundings. Empathy is a key interpersonal skill and is the one highlighted here due to its importance in relating ourselves to other individuals. We may not agree with other people’s opinions but being able to see their side of the story allows us to better manage conflict as well as maintain healthier relationships.

Of course, empathy can only be achieved once we have learnt the art of self-awareness. It encapsulates the understanding of other peoples emotions not only in relation to you but others and society as a whole. An example of this is simply understanding other peoples sadness through relating it to your own.

Encompassing the final category, social skills, is the array of emotional understandings that maintain healthy relationships. These range from actively listening to verbal communications to non-verbal communications. All of which require awareness of another’s emotions as well as the regulation of our own in response to other people’s behaviours so as to rationally respond in the appropriate way.

Without social skills, we’re hard-lucked to find success in our social world. That is why these skills make up the final part of emotional intelligence.

All in all, each of the 5 categories that make up EQ serve an important role; to leave us better equipped to deal with our own emotions as we as the emotions of those around us. From personal experience, I can vouch for the positive transformation that occurs when beginning to develop your EQ. Living at the mercy of your emotions is a stressful experience and self-sabotage is a common mainstay in the life of someone who lacks emotional intelligence. Transform your life by beginning to understand your emotions.

There is so much more than can be said on this subject as this has barely touched the surface. I highly recommend Daniel Goleman’s book on the subject for a greater understanding.